Angel vs Devil Wars

Do you remember seeing a cartoon that showed a devil with his pitchfork on one shoulder and the Angel with his halo and wings on the other shoulder? Most of us have seen it in many cartoons like Fat Albert, Tom and Jerry, The Simpsons, and many more.

It’s how I illustrate the difference between our ego and our essence. It’s how I describe being open with your heart, mind, and body and being closed. It’s an illustration that resonates with most. The image of that cartoon stuck in our heads. It stuck because somewhere deep down we related to it.

Every day and all day long we make unconscious decisions based on our ego. The ego never sleeps.

“Ego. It’s a tiny little word with humongous power.In our society, we assign so many misbehaviors and misdeeds to the all-powerful ego that we might be excused for thinking we’re not actually in control of our actions-we’re all just slaves to our egos. The social psychologist Elliot Aronson argues that our ego is always at work trying to maintain a consistent, justifiable place in the world. It is laboring to justify everything we do, to prove that we have a role here, that we belong. “ Disruptive Thinking ~ T.D. Jakes

When most think of ego they think of arrogance but ego is much deeper than appearance, image, or relating to our security. The unhealthy ego consistently tells us lies. It implements fear, insecurities, anxiety, worry, mental chatter, ruminating, and keeping us up at night. If that’s not enough it’s emotionally reactive, which brings in depression, sadness, shame, and narcissism just to name a few. And where does the need to control come from? The ego. I could go on and on but anything that thinks or feels bad, closed, unhealthy you can sure bet that is the ego in the form of a cartoon devil standing on your shoulder to tell you something not true.

Let’s remember we do have a real role here and it’s to help each other not hurt each other. Wear your halo proudly and don’t get stuck with the pitchfork. How are the angel and devil showing up on your shoulders daily?

Stop Normalizing “Happy”

Can we stop normalizing the word “Happy”? Yesterday was Mother’s Day and everyone keeps saying “Happy Mother’s Day” but everyone I spoke to was everything but happy.

Truth be told, people are suffering. They are grieving over losses. They are suffering from the loss of their childhood, their childhood wounds, the wounds of abandonment, and the emotional abuse they endured as a child.

Parents are suffering in deep pain over the loss of their child due to suicide or a school shooting which is an epidemic. People of color, particularly our black brothers and sisters are suffering the loss of their children and fear every time their child walks out the door.

Generation X are grieving due to the recent loss of parents to the grave or parents declining health and they are emotionally and physically exhausted from taking care of them.

If you don’t agree or resonate with anything I’m saying then you may be part of the unresolved issue. But here is what happens when we normalize the word “happy”, it makes others feel alone. We look on social media to see everyone else is doing great but we are not so great so now we feel even more isolated, alone, and separated from the world. Isolation is a behavior and an indication that emotional health is declining.

We have a real life epidemic worse than COVID, it’s called debilitating mental health. Mental health issues is what’s really going on and if we are not going to contribute positively by supporting others directly then support indirectly by not normalizing the word “happy”. Acknowledge the majority are suffering and social media is a lie!

Maybe we need to change the words to “Here’s to Healing, or Thinking of You” for every occasion to acknowledge pain with compassion and empathy. To acknowledge empty seats and empty beds where loved ones ate and slept. Maybe we need to acknowledge that nobody is alone and whatever we are dealing with, it’s not “happy”.

Mom’s Broken Mirror

“As newborn babies, we arrived in the world with natural, innate needs that had to be met for us to develop into mature human beings. However, even in the best circumstances, our parents inevitably could not meet all of our developmental needs perfectly. No matter how well-intentioned they were, at certain times they had difficulty coping with our needs, especially those that had not been adequately met themselves. As babies, it is our nature to express a wide range of emotions and states of being. If these qualities are blocked in our parents, they will feel anxious and uncomfortable whenever those qualities arise in us. This made our infant selves anxious and unhappy.

If, for example, a baby is expressing her joyfulness and delight in being alive, but her mother is depressed, it is unlikely that the mother will feel comfortable with the baby’s joy. As a result, the baby learns to suppress her joy to keep the mother from getting more upset. Another baby with a different temperament might cry or make stronger attempts to get a reaction from the mother, but no matter what response the baby uses, her own joy is not mirrored. It is important to realize that these reactions did not occur because our parents were “bad” but because they could only mirror the qualities that were not blocked in themselves.

This limited- and often dysfunctional–range of behaviors and attitudes becomes imprinted on the child’s receptive soul as the psychic backdrop that the child brings into life and all future relationships.

As a result of unmet infant needs and subsequent blockages, we begin to feel very early in life that certain key elements in us are missing. Naturally, this feeling creates deep anxiety. Our innate temperament likely determines how we may respond to that anxiety, but no matter what our later personality type, we eventually come to the conclusion that there is something fundamentally wrong with us. Even if we cannot express it in words, we feel the tug of a powerful, unconscious anxiety our Basic Fear.” – The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Riso and Russ Hudson

No matter our personality type we have blocks. Our mothers had blocks and their mothers had blocks and all the mothers before them had blocks. Release, forgive, and heal. 💕

The Voice

There is a voice that lives inside of us. God created every single creature with intuition. He created the animals of the wild to know when they are in danger, he created the birds of the air to know which direction to fly, he even created the cockroach to know when we are after them. And all of the created creatures listen to that voice except for human beings.

It’s because we dismiss the voice over our thoughts, our feelings, and even our trauma. Trauma tells us about an experience we had in the past, trauma allows pain, gripes fear and anxiety but intuition is that small voice that gently says things and guides us.

It’s a gift that we utilize as a curse because we know “I stayed too long with him/her.” “This isn’t working for me but I’m gonna hang longer.” We curse ourselves by dismissing what we know is true. Every bad decision I have ever made went against the voice.

Slowly, little by little we as individuals are being stripped of our identities. We have face recognition, and fingerprint recognition, technology tracking our conversations, our location, our shopping habits, our “likes” and even who we are attracted to on relationship websites. The one thing that cannot be taken away is our central intelligence. Our God-given intuition. There will never be a man, society, or government that will be able to take away what you have deep inside of you and that’s the voice.

Hold on to the gift of the voice. Appreciate it because it’s our gift to protect us and guide us. It can never be tracked or taken away. It’s yours and it can not be replicated. Listen to the voice.

Are You Like Samson?

Are you exhausted emotionally? Physically? Mentally? I find most people are one or all three. It occurred to me the other day that I am too. No matter how much sleep I get and I do consistently get 7 hours per night. But no matter how much I exercise to release stress, and no matter how much I take time outs throughout my day, I can feel exhausted.

I believe we are exhausted from the demands of life. I started the other morning full of energy, what I describe as a full gas tank but by mid-morning, I was exhausted. I had so many pulling at me rather through email, text, or phone calls that I was not seeing they were depleting my fuel. Each time we allow a source to pull at us by meeting their demands, crisis, etc..we are giving away our strength.

Remember Samson from the Bible was a man of strength but because he became distracted with Delilah and became intoxicated in what he thought was her love for him, he lost his strength to do what he needed to do for himself, to do what he was called to do. He lost his purpose, his mission, his calling. Are we losing ourselves by allowing others to manipulate us to their demands?

The only way I see that we can survive and thrive is to have boundaries. Boundaries that protect our strength and energy. Boundaries protect us, walls keep others out. We don’t have to keep others out by dismissing them but we have to protect ourselves by first not becoming distracted, like Samuel did. Two, we cannot allow others to manipulate us to their demands, crisis, or needs. Three we must say, I am not available right now, I will get back to you when I am. That my friend is called a personal boundary. It lets others know that I am not ignoring you, I am not mad at you, but I am not allowing you to take my strength.

I encourage everyone to take the first step, a baby step, and tell just one source today, I am not available right now, I will call, text, and email you back when I am able. Tell one source that I am not emotionally able to listen to you or I am not able to do it on your timeline but I can do X, Y, Z. And if they don’t respect your boundary because they are losing control of their lives, that is not your issue. They can act like the world is falling apart, well it is already falling apart so what is one more thing? Protect your strength, guard your heart and mind, stay on course, and don’t become distracted or manipulated by thinking they love you.

You Are On the Clock

If you haven’t been under a rock or become completely desensitized to “Breaking News” then you know Atlanta had an active shooter situation this week. Although the situation was several blocks from me, the fear of the unknown gripped me more than I could ever imagine. I would go as far as to say it changed my life.

Unless you’ve been in a similar situation and I pray you haven’t, you cannot imagine the fear of knowing that no matter what you do you are not safe. It makes your world come to a complete stop and makes you reevaluate life very quickly. It’s different than a medical emergency like a stroke or heart attack because there is someone a phone call away to help you but when there is an active shooter in your backyard, you have nobody to protect you. You depend on walls, locks, doors, and security systems at best.

It’s traumatizing, to say the least. And the level of fear for those with loved ones directly affected and children in school is in no way comprehended. At the moment all you can do is pray for protection but prayers only give you hope, prayers never make you believe you are invincible. God says he is “no respecter of persons”, which means he does not favor one person over another. He does not protect one and not another. There is no favor! We are all equal in his sight. I know I have a risk of being killed or dying just as much as anyone else.

It’s a scenario that happens daily https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/reports/mass-shooting in this country. It’s getting normalized like a car accident, like a traffic jam, like just another day. We are traumatized and desensitized. Do we have any idea what is happening to our children and young adults? How do we say, “I missed that news!” or “It happened again!” It is a mentally unstable person with a gun who can shoot whomever they want and nobody can stop them.

It’s not about fighting the person vs the gun. I don’t care if you blame the mentally unstable or the gun, the bottom line is it’s happening, it’s going to continue to happen and it’s only a matter of time before it happens to you, your mother, dad, spouse, child, grandchild or loved one. What are you going to do about it? There is no protection, no insurance, no prayer that can save you. Starting now, you are on the clock.

Let the Wind Blow

Last year was one of the best years of my life. I embraced it and still relish in all of it but truth be told January 1st all hell broke loose and my life went from sunny skies to a tornado touchdown or at least it felt that way. I thought for about 60 days I was drowning in the waves of life. I’m not 100 percent sure that I’m out of the storm but I am 100 percent sure I have faith that no matter what happens I’m going to survive.

My shrink told me often “People think strong people don’t bleed.” How well I know that to be a true statement. I take responsibility for my lack of vulnerability in not being able to say, “I’m drowning or I need help.” I’m working on that childhood wound that tells me I cannot show weakness or some may think I’m failing by judging me. Ironically even though I’ve stayed strong, kept the faith, pushed onward, and not dared shared my pain, I’ve had more people bless me in the last 60 days than I can recall in a long time.

Strangers and acquaintances have become friends and have blessed me financially and with words of encouragement even though they knew nothing about my situation. And you know I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe it’s just a reminder from God that he sees all and knows all. He sends the right people to us right on time. Right when we need someone to say that one thing we need to hear. Right when we think we cannot survive another day.

And when we embrace the “haves” instead of the “have nots” it’s a game changer. It will make you dilute the storms of life and give you an attitude of gratitude. Storms always bring in new, new seasons, new growth, and changes. Storms wash away the old and disrupt things that need to be rebuilt. If we accept that our storms in life bring newness then we can rest assured that relationships will change and people will leave us in the storm but new people will come. We cannot grieve the losses if we stay focused on the new.

I encourage you today to allow the storm in your life to bring a new freshness to you. Stop trying to hold on to things and people that are no longer meant for you. Stay focused on the new season coming in your life. Be thankful for the “haves” and stop worrying about the “have-nots”. Let the wind blow.

Nothing is as Scary

I’ve done a lot of scary things in my lifetime. I left home when I was 17 years old with a brand new job and brand new bills all in the same week. I was scared to death.

I had a baby after unknowingly getting pregnant on birth control pills. The delivery was an emergency cesarean 24 hours after my water broke (again unknowingly) and the baby was in fetal distress. I thought I was going to lose him. Again scared to death.

I’ve started multiple businesses and with each one the fear and anxiety were overwhelming. From cash flow to profit to making major decisions.

But none of these scary moments I have shared is as scary as deciding to change. To get unstuck and push yourself like a seed planted through the soil of life.

Taking the step to grow is scary because you’re leaving behind all that is familiar. You are starting a new life and that can encompass many things. It can include walking away from unhealthy relationships including family, leaving people who benefitted from your pain for their purpose, and/or moving to a new city or town and starting fresh. Holding boundaries while reinventing yourself and sitting with pain is very scary.

It’s not the scared I want you to focus on it’s the courage and the bravery. It takes real strength to say “I’m not where I want to be or I don’t like myself, and I’m changing.” It takes commitment to check your list every day and stick with what’s best for you. If that includes holding boundaries, self-awareness, mindfulness, meditation, exercise, or whatever it looks like for you, that’s courage. Leaving the party when it’s fun to keep your commitment takes strength. Leaving relationships you’ve outgrown takes courage.

Finding your real superpower of strength and courage must be recognized and celebrated. Tell them not to be sad because you left town, because you ended the relationship, or sat with the pain while they partied but instead tell them to celebrate you. If they don’t celebrate you then it’s because you’ve already outgrown them. Move on and find a replacement who will celebrate your superpower.

God in Drag

I heard an interesting podcast the other day and there was a statement that made me stop and think, research, ponder, and meditate. The statement was “Everybody is God in drag.”

To be in drag refers to the performance of exaggerated masculinity, femininity, or other forms of gender. So aren’t we in drag when we as women are exaggerating our bodies by snapping pictures of our feminine parts and displaying them on social media for others’ entertainment? Aren’t men in drag showing off their masculinity in the gym and posting on social media for our entertainment? Aren’t we exaggerating ourselves with filters? Forget the LGBTQIA community and just think of the definition.

And if you believe that we are made in the image of God and his spirit lives in us then we are all God in drag. God does not see male, female, black, white, brown, Jew, Christian, Muslim, skinny, overweight, or any label that we continually put on people.

What he sees is our heart. He sees our intentions and our level of love and compassion. We are measured by our gifts given and are we utilizing those gifts by giving to others? We have the responsibility to be the vessel, the gateway, the faucet to allow the flow of God’s wisdom to flow through us as a divine purpose. That is our purpose, it is not to judge, label, condemn, expel, hate, ban, and destroy people because their choices do not align with ours. Leave that up to them and God. The Bible says in Philippians 2:12 to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” That means mind your business!

I know the homophobic, the self-righteous and the narrow-minded believers are not buying this but I’m not in the selling business. I’m in the business of letting all know we are one. We are created in the image of God and he lives in us. We are all in disguise and we are ALL here for each other. Yes! Everybody is God in drag.

The Snake Dream

Several weeks ago I had a nightmare. I usually don’t meditate much on dreams but this keeps occurring in my mind so I’ve decided to share it with you and what I believe is its meaning.

I’m wading in muddy creek water. The water is hitting somewhere between my mid-calf to knees. All of a sudden I see a bright green snake with a wide mouth. Almost as if it’s illustrated but it’s real in the dream. The snake sees me and I am panicked because I know if I turn my back to get out of the creek the snake will attack me. It’s then I see a large branch maybe about 6 to 8 feet long. I grab the floating branch as a weapon to protect myself from the snake. As I grab it and point it in the direction of the snake, the snake attacks it. Its viper-like teeth clench onto the branch and won’t let go. As I keep walking backward and backing up in the creek to find my way to land and a safe place, I can hear my intuition saying “If you’ll just let go of the branch, the snake will hold its grip while you make your way to safety.” I know it in my mind but my body cannot release the grip of the branch. It makes sense but my fear is too great to trust that if I let go I will be safe. And it’s then I woke up.

I know the dream could have multiple meanings but as I interpret it, I feel that the interpretation is that I need to let go of something I’m holding onto. I need to trust my intuition, my God-given central intelligence, and believe that I will be safe when I let go. I believe I need to understand that the attack is harmless and it’s only my fear that is standing in my way.

I need to trust that

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper,And every tongue which rises against you in judgment. You shall condemn.” Isaiah 54:17

Trust myself and have faith in God that I will make it to safety. I will make it to dry land. I will not fail, falter, drown, or be attacked.