The Voice in the Silence: Finding the Spirit When the World Fails You

I read something this morning that cut straight through the noise of Easter Sunday. It was a quote that stopped me in my tracks:

“If you ask people who do not believe in God why they do not, the number one reason will be suffering. If you ask people who believe in God when they grew the most spiritually, the number one answer will be suffering.”

That last sentence describes my spiritual life perfectly.

The Faith I Was Given

As a child, my belief in God wasn’t really mine. It was a hand-me-down. I believed because my mother told me to. I believed because the church I was raised in dictated a specific doctrine—the “it’s this way or no way” kind of religion. I was brought into a system, I was given a script, and I took it because it was all I knew.

But as an adult, life happened.

I have never questioned the existence of God, but I have learned to think outside the rigid walls of the system I was handed. I’ve experienced pain that felt bottomless and suffering that felt like it would swallow me whole.

The “Sin Money” Paradox

I remember a specific moment that really exposed the hypocrisy for me. A pastor stood at the pulpit and told the congregation that if anyone won the lottery, they shouldn’t give that money to the church because it was “sin money.”

I sat there thinking, How can lottery money be “sinful” if it’s used to help as scholarship money to help young adults get an education? I thought about the intelligent, driven people who lacked the funds to go to college. To me, using those resources to empower someone’s future was a good thing.

Quietly, under my breath, I called it what it was: bullshit. We’ve all seen it—no church ever turns away an offering or a tithe. To stand behind a pulpit and claim a moral high ground while the reality of the “system” tells a different story was just another moment of my searching deeper. I realized I couldn’t just follow a doctrine; I had to find the Truth.

Finding God in the Silence

It was through this type of questioning—and through the seasons of intense suffering—that I found my own faith.

We’ve all had those moments where we think we cannot go on for another second. Those nights when the thread we are holding onto is so thin it’s nearly invisible. Yet, it’s in those exact moments that I find a glimmer of hope.

In the stillness of that suffering, I hear a voice inside. I believe it’s the Spirit of God. It isn’t a rehearsed sermon or a rigid doctrine; it’s a presence that guides me and offers comfort when the world offers none.

This is why I believe in God. Not because of a church hierarchy, a family tradition or a belief system I was handed, but because I felt it when everything else was stripped away.

Do You Know Your “Why”?

I may not be saying this with perfect grace or “political correctness,” but it’s the truth: You have to understand why you believe what you believe.

If you are guided solely by the system you were born into—never stopping to think for yourself or sitting in the silence long enough to listen—do you actually know your own heart?

Without the willingness to sit with your own pain and suffering, it is impossible to tell if the voice you’re following is truly God’s, the Divine Spirit that lives in you.

Reflections on Palm Sunday: The Power of Discernment

It’s Palm Sunday—the beginning of Holy Week. As I reflect on that very first Palm Sunday, I picture Jesus and His disciples entering Jerusalem during Passover. They were greeted by crowds waving palm leaves and shouting in celebration, but I can’t help but think of the scripture in John 2:24-25

“But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person.”

Knowing Without Being Told

I imagine hundreds, if not thousands, of people surrounding Him, but He did not need to talk to them to know them. He let their energy speak to Him to confirm who they were. Jesus had the gift of discernment; He knew people without needing to “get to know” them.

I often think about how much would be different—and perhaps better—if we all leaned into that same gift. I believe the Spirit of God lives in us. Since we are made in His image, I believe we have that same ability to discern people just like Jesus did.

The Voice of Intuition

Discernment is knowing, but not knowing how you know. My mother would call it her “Sixth Sense.” It’s that small voice I refer to as intuition, which is ultimately God guiding me. It’s the voice that—every time I am not still enough to listen or I go against it out of my own ego—always proves it was right all along.

I believe discernment needs to be taught to our children. We need to learn to recognize it—not just learn from it, but also to accept it and trust it. After all, do we know better than the Man Upstairs?

Wisdom in Motion

I want to walk in those footsteps of Jesus. I want to trust that inner voice before the heartbreak happens, not after. Because at the end of the day, discernment isn’t judgment—it’s simply wisdom in motion, helping us navigate a world that isn’t always what it seems.

The Sound of Anticipation

A Reflection on the Power of Stillness:
We are taught to seek “the sound” that makes us glad to be alive—a favorite song, a loved one’s laugh, the crashing of waves. But there is a profound, overlooked vitality in the silence. For me, sitting in a room with no background noise isn’t an absence of life; it is the most honest evidence of it.

In that stillness, I catch myself simply existing. I hear the steady rhythm of my own breath—the primary metronome of being. It is in these moments that I realize silence isn’t a void to be filled, but a canvas of readiness.

The Coiled Spring of the “Pre-Event”
There is a specific, high-tension silence that exists just before the world moves. It is the heavy quiet:

  • The split-second before the wooden bat cracks against the baseball.
  • The indrawn breath before the golfer begins their swing.
  • The hushed darkness seconds before the theater curtain rises.

This silence is an indicator of potential energy. It is the sound of the world holding its breath, waiting for the impact.

The Wisdom of the Wild:
Nature understands this better than we do. If you observe animals, they do not fill the air with noise for the sake of it. They are masters of the quiet and the still. For them, silence is a survival tool—a state of total sensory intake. By being quiet, they can hear and see exactly what is coming next.

The Sacred Pause:
This primal awareness leads to a deeper, spiritual truth. There is a reason the scripture commands us: “Be still, and know that I am God.” It doesn’t say “be busy” or “be loud.” It calls for the stillness. In that quiet, we aren’t just waiting for a physical event; we are positioning ourselves to recognize a higher presence. When we silence the background noise of the world, we create the space necessary to “know.”


When I sit in silence, I am practicing that same sacred awareness. I am not waiting for nothing; I am waiting for everything.

Silence is the great indicator that I am alive, present, and that something more—something Divine—is always just about to happen.

I Won’t Apologize for the Truth: The Demonic Reality

I’m grounded in my truth, and I’m not apologizing for what I’m about to say.

This isn’t a polished article. It’s a journal entry, a soul-dump, and a stand. I won’t apologize in advance for what I’m about to say, and I won’t take offense to a difference of opinion. I know who I am. When you are grounded in a truth that reflects your core values, you cannot be swayed.

The Depth of the Darkness
Let me ask you: Do you actually know how demonic the Epstein files are? If you are burying your head in the sand, I suggest you look. Whatever movie, documentary, true crime story, or news cycle has impacted you in the past pales in comparison to this reality. From my own research, we aren’t just talking about sex trafficking; we are talking about babies having babies, abortions, murders, cannibalism, and the infinite torture of children.

I finally understand why the divide in this country is so deep. The web of “co-conspirators” may be just as large as the list of survivors and victims. Let’s define “co-conspirator”: * There are those who knew, engaged, and helped commit these heinous crimes.

There are those who were “unknowing” co-conspirators—those who knew about the crime but said nothing, did nothing, and acted like it didn’t exist. They took the plane rides. They continued to do business with him. They had dinner at his audacious homes. They knew because it was headline news, and they continued on like they didn’t know.

“In God We Trust” or In Our Own Comfort?
This is where it gets salty, because I am stuck between being heartbroken and mad as hell. I am in disbelief that “We the People” of a “God-called” nation—the one with In God We Trust stamped on its currency—can be so silent. We say “praying” whenever a tragedy happens, but we aren’t being the prayer. We use the word, but we don’t follow it with an action of love or compassion. If we truly believed in what happened—and what is still happening with zero accountability—we wouldn’t be living as if it didn’t exist. I’m appalled that corporate leaders, mega-church pastors, and every person with a platform isn’t shouting from the mountaintops that we are in a living hell and it’s time to wake up.

The Problem: A Lack of Empathy
The issue is simple: If it didn’t happen to us, we act like it didn’t happen at all. We have become disconnected from empathy and compassion. We have lost walking in the footsteps of Jesus. Newsflash: You, me, and “we” are not that special. Anything can happen to anyone at any time. God reigns on the just and the unjust alike. Stop saying “I’m blessed and highly favored” as a way to exempt yourself from real-life horrors. You don’t think every survivor and victim was “precious in His sight”? Didn’t the Christians learn the song?

“Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.”

The Solution: Use Your Voice
If you have read this far and you feel nothing—no anger, no sadness, no grief—then you are not part of the solution. We already know what the problem is. I’m focusing on the solution. The solution is to use your voice. Stop living your life like this doesn’t exist. This has existed since 2005 under five administrations. It is time for justice. It is time for accountability.

The Charge: Accountability

This is not just about politics; this is a moral crisis that has rotted the foundation of our nation. Use your voice in every circle you occupy:

• Contact Your Representatives: Demand to know what legislation they support to increase accountability for child exploitation crimes. Tell them clearly: If they do not hold every single person involved accountable—including those in the present and past administrations—they will not be voted in again. Nobody is above the law. If they won’t represent their constituents demand for justice, we will work to ensure they are expelled.

• Contact Your Church Leaders: Ask why the pulpit is silent. Demand that your place of worship stops hiding behind “blessings” and starts fighting for the “precious little children” they sing about.

• Contact Your Corporations: Hold the leaders of the companies you work for and buy from accountable. Demand they use their massive platforms and resources to protect the vulnerable. Remind them that the power is in the purse. If they do not support this outrage and stand for justice, we will stop supporting them with our hard-earned dollars.

Justice is not a request; it is a requirement. They work for us. They answer to God. Wake up!

Snuggling with Demons: My Journey Through the Dark

I’m in a dark place, not only as an individual, but I also sense a pervasive darkness within our society, our nation, and the world at large. I’ve navigated similar shadows before. The wisdom of my therapist echoes in my mind: “Recognize your demons, snuggle with them.” This powerful advice resonates deeply, urging me to embrace my emotions fully. It’s about acknowledging the darkness, allowing it to reside without judgment, rather than suppressing it, which only leads to its manifestation in unhealthy behaviors. It’s a reminder to be present with the difficult feelings, to not fight them, but to sit with them, understand them, and allow them to pass through me.

For me, darkness isn’t the end; it’s a spotlight on my core values. When things get difficult, my beliefs accentuate, acting as a compass through the unknown but hauntingly familiar. I treat each dark period as an essential learning curve. It teaches me what I value, what I won’t tolerate, and who I can lean on. Navigating these dark seasons feels like finding my way through a pitch-black room. Even in new surroundings, movement feels instinctual. It’s much like getting back on a bicycle. My soul remembers how to find its balance.

There is a profound self-appreciation that grows in the shadows. I may not be capable of seeing the door or the destination, but I don’t need to. I have enough light within me to navigate the ‘now’ until the ‘next’ appears.

I find my current experience echoed in the words of the 17th-century poet Mizuta Masahide:

‘Barn’s burnt down—now I can see the moon.’

It is a beautiful reminder that there is a light found only when we sit with our grief and pain. By accepting the darkness rather than fighting it, we don’t just survive. We gain a clearer view of the things that truly matter. Is there a ‘moon’ you’ve discovered only after your own barn burnt down? I’d appreciate hearing your story in the comments.

The Shoes that Hurt: A Lesson in Boundaries

Have you ever bought something based on a label or the brand name? We’ve all done it bought something just because of the brand name. That shiny label promises quality, but sometimes we get just an expensive lie.

This happens with people, too. In my recent experience, I got hung up on a person with a high degree and an impressive title. I quickly became enthralled with them based on their social status.

While I was enthralled with their status and label, I also felt uncomfortable with them pushing my boundaries. It was kind of like a designer pair of shoes that hurt your feet. You keep thinking that these shoes are better than this, but the excruciating foot pain is a reminder that it’s only the label, and the shoes are not the quality that the label advertises.

They kept pushing my boundaries and I kept thinking this feels uncomfortable, but surely this is not their intention.

Sadly I learned that when I held my boundaries, they ended the relationship. I was initially taken aback but then I remembered my instinct knew better than I. My instinct told me they were pushing my boundaries and they were not as good as their social status or the label that I bought into.

This experience was a kind reminder from God to show me that I had grown. I had recognized a mask, the discomfort of when one pushes my boundaries, and I cannot buy into labels, social status, titles, financial status, or what seems to be.

I’m thankful for the people who come into my life, their masks so perfectly and delicately worn that I don’t see them at first. But I’m even more thankful for my growth-for the small voice within that now whispers, ‘This is not what it seems to be.’ It’s a reminder that titles and labels are not always what they seem.

What’s a ‘label’ you’ve had to walk away from?”

Stay on the Trail

I wrote this in 2023 but never published it. Last year I was sitting in my vehicle waiting to meet my realtor when a small Eastern Bluebird flew onto my rear view mirror. He was so bright that he looked animated. He just sat looking at me. After being mesmerized for several minutes I reached for my phone to take a picture but he flew off. It was as if he was saying this is your sign not a shared sign. That same day I found my dream condo.

That moment was so significant to me that I knew it was a sign. I came home for a quick Google search to prove how powerful this moment might have been and learn more about the bird and its meaning. According to Google “Bluebirds are considered a sign that good luck is just around the corner,” “Usually, right after a time of tremendous difficulty, the bluebird comes to bring good fortune in all things such as love, money, healing, and happiness.”

I haven’t seen another bluebird since last year until the other day when I was walking the Beltline. She flew on top of a sign that said “Stay on the Trail”. I stopped mid-step to get a picture. As I started taking pictures I kept moving closer to the bird and she didn’t seem to mind. She actually seemed to pose moving from front to side.

This year has been one of the most challenging years. From finances to health issues it’s been like clockwork every first of the month. So much has happened this year but I can look back and already see that it took A for B to happen. It took B to happen so that C would happen. I can already see how it’s unfolding.

In my heart, I believe the Bluebird was a part of synchronicity to say “stay on the trail”. Keep on keeping on because it’s all coming together, I just don’t see it yet. Now is not the time to give up, quit, throw in the towel because everything that has been taken away will come back.

I have to keep reminding myself of the following. Life is not ideal, it’s not even as I imagine, it’s not what I want it to be but the steps ordered for me are better than what I can imagine, better than ideal or what I want. I have to remember that fear and faith cannot simultaneously exist. What is meant for me will come to me. Every seed I plant will produce fruit. As a preventative heartbreak, don’t become attached to outcomes. Learn to observe it and let it go. And always be thankful for the “haves” and don’t complain about the “have-nots”.

Have you ever received an unexpected sign that guided you through a difficult time? I’d love to hear about it. May we all remember to ‘stay on the trail, ever when the path ahead isn’t clear.

The Art of Unloving: Releasing What No Longer Serves You

Have you ever fallen out of love? I think we all know what it’s like to fall in love. We fall in love with people, activities, things like wine, art, vehicles, furniture, soft, fuzzy blankets, and robes, but then one day we wake up and think, “I am not in love with you anymore.” And just like that, you stop drinking your favorite wine, you take down the art, you trade your vehicle, you sell your furniture, and your favorite fuzzy blanket and robe that gave you comfort for so many years suddenly end up in the Goodwill pile. But what do we do with the human beings in our lives?

Do we just toss them? Like we do with our other items. Every fiber of our being screams that the love is gone, but we remain, fearing the hurt that comes with saying goodbye, both for us and for them. Or maybe we stay because we have this common ground we share.

I’ve been there and I’ve done that more than once. I have abandoned myself and what I needed to live a pretend life that I thought I could survive. I thought just one or two more years to survive this. I set these goals in my mind, thinking that if I can just count down the days, I won’t feel so miserable. I’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel, and all will be well with my soul. Well, that’s the thing, our soul is not well because it is not getting what it needs. Maybe it needs something it’s never had and not a substitute.

Often, when our soul isn’t getting what it truly needs, we find ourselves turning to substitutes. Instead of taking a breath and counting to 10, we pop a pill. Instead of taking a walk, we pour a glass of wine, instead of sitting in stillness and waiting to see what comes up, we hope retail therapy resolves it. How long do we go, and how many years do we substitute things and even people for what we really need? How long do we hold on knowing it’s not what’s best for us? I reflect back and know I have spent more than half of my life substituting, holding on, and counting down.

Life is short and it’s precious! Yes! That cliche. But it’s so true. Sometimes I think, what if tomorrow I woke up and found out I was terminally ill? What would I do? I won’t say for sure because we truly do not know what we will do in those situations, but I do believe I would no longer substitute, hold on, count down, or hold my breath and abandon myself for anybody or any reason.

I think if we ask ourselves the question of if today is your last day on earth, what would you do? Would you set yourself free by releasing others? Releasing in love and acceptance. Just allow that you are not in love with them, and that’s okay. People fall in love and fall out of love, and they grow together and grow apart. And just like the wine, the art, the car, the furniture, and the fuzzy blanket and robe, they just no longer serve you or their purpose.

When Nobody Is Looking

Do you know the definition of integrity? The first definition of Merriam Webster’s dictionary says  “firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values”’. My definition is the true individual when they think nobody is looking.

I have as a background picture on one of my social media accounts the words “You’d be surprised who’s watching your journey. Don’t quit!” Isn’t there someone always watching? Remember Tess in Oceans Eleven said You of all people should know, Terry, in your hotel, there’s always someone watching.

I believe there is always someone watching or at the very least paying attention. Typically people watchers do not make an announcement. They sit quietly observing, scrutinizing and critiquing people’s moves. Much like our mothers knew everything we did behind their backs like they had eyeballs in the back of their head. We think they don’t know but they know.

And whatever people do when they think nobody is paying attention, that’s the truest form of that person. That’s about as raw as we will ever see them because they think nobody is watching.

Let’s jump to Maya Angelou’s famous quote, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” I know we don’t want to believe but believe them. Believe that you are witnessing the truest form of someone, believe the narrative they paint to give themselves a label. Believe that they think you don’t know. They often believe their own lies, therefore they think you do too.

Believe me when I say someone is always watching. What is it you are doing when you think nobody’s paying attention? What is it that we are doing when we think nobody is looking? Understanding our true selves, even when we think no one is watching is part of the healing journey and self acceptance.

It’s Always Something

I’d like to start by expressing my deepest gratitude to God for the complete healing since the incident in 2023. I also want to thank myself for honoring my faith and for the strength I found within myself throughout this journey. Finally, I want to extend my heartfelt thanks to my incredible community of supporters who carried me through every step of the way.

You’ve likely heard the saying, “It’s always something.” And I agree, it truly is. There’s always something happening with our homes, jobs, relationships, health, finances, and the list goes on. We often find ourselves waking up and going to bed with a constant stream of challenges.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of “somethings” throughout my life. However, as 2025 approached, I began to shift my focus. I started thinking deeply about the goals I wanted to achieve and dreaming big about the future I envisioned. To help me stay on track, I ordered a custom planner and uploaded my vision board to the cover. Inside, I meticulously outlined every single goal, complete with detailed plans and strategies for achieving them.

But just as I ordered my planner, another “something” unexpectedly appeared. And as soon as that subsided, another one followed close behind.

We all understand this – “it’s always something.” These unexpected obstacles can easily derail us from our goals, dreams, and the pursuit of our best lives. Each time a “something” arises, it demands our attention, distracting us from the path we’ve set out on.

While we’re busy handling these constant “somethings,” life continues to move forward. We inadvertently abandon ourselves each time we allow ourselves to be consumed by these distractions instead of staying focused on our intended course.

I am determined to remain mindful of this and maintain my focus. I’m actively speaking affirmations and declaring my intention to stay the course. I will not allow these “somethings” to distract me, because I know there will always be something. I hope you will join me with the commitment in 2025.