It’s Time

Happy New Year to you. I pray you have left the past in the past. We don’t need to take anger, resentment, grief, sadness, jealousy, and toxic folks into the new year. I pray that our vision boards are filled with words like compassion, love, forgiveness, gratitude, and joy, and that our goals are to just be a better version of ourselves. My personal theme is “Me vs Me in 2023”. If it makes me better then I’m interested, if not then I’m staying in my lane. Living to inspire and not fix, repair or save. I’m leaving those up to one bigger than me.

Have you said “new year, new me” yet? Maybe you’ve heard someone else say it. It does happen, things and people do change. Sometimes when we least expect it. Sometimes we don’t get the change because we are not ready for it. God is kinda tricky like that. He wants to make sure we are ready to receive and that we can handle it because he never gives more than we can handle. If we can’t handle and manage $100,000 then he’s definitely not giving us a million. I believe it’s called a test of the ego. Everything we receive is to be shared. Our gifts, talents, knowledge, and even our money are to be sowed back into those that are poor and needy.

I was sharing my gifts, talent, knowledge, and money (because it was no charge) in a session the other day. I was doing more than talking just about the Enneagram. I went into full-blown counseling with someone that was in a lot of pain. After I hung up and later that evening I started writing these short 2-3 liners for my social media. They have flowed out of me since that day and phone call. I wasn’t thinking or planning a change but it happened. It happened because it was time. It was not only time but the right timing. Remember the internet had to come before the smartphone, and the microwave had to come before microwaveable dinners, the timing is everything. If it’s not the right time it will be useless. Embrace those words, “it’s time when it’s the right timing.” Let’s hold on to that as we wonder why things are not working out.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord” (Isaiah 55:8).
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” I Corinthians 2:9

If you are not on social media or presently plugged in then this blog is for you. I just wanted to make the loyal and loving subscribers aware of a change. Yes! I will still blog because it takes more than 2-3 lines obviously to get some points across. You can also find every social media post on the front page of Dealing to Healing. Sending love to all and thank you. Thank you for loving me and supporting me.

The Christmas Card

I opened a Christmas card today from one of my favorite social media influencers. I dedicate this to her today.

Dearest Stephanie,

I must admit I just now opened your beautiful Christmas card. When I saw your name & return address my eyes became tear-filled. It was tears of gratefulness for you. For you honoring your word at a time when so many people let us down. For you being you and your authentic beautiful self.

It was during my deepest pain & darkness that I found you on Instagram. I found out that I was not alone and someone else had walked a similar path. That connection is what we are all searching for in life. We want to know we are not alone and that someone else understands our pain.

As I enter each new year I think about what I need. Last year in January I did a media detox for a month. It allowed me to focus more on myself through reading, writing, music, and connecting with nature but this year I’m staying on social media because I want to pay it forward. I want to be the Stephanie Bennett-Henry for someone else. I want someone to know they are not alone and I understand their pain. Passing on love and hugs.

Thank you again Stephanie for sharing yourself with the world. We appreciate you!

Wishing you the best in 2023 💫 Love, Dana

I Abandoned Myself

One of my Christmas presents was a zip file filled with videos from when my son was young. I opened it and watched the first one with tear-filled eyes and tears streaming. It was December of 1999 and not only was it precious memories of my young son but it was his father who left us too soon and then what I saw next was shocking.

As I watched I saw a version of me that I did not recognize. My appearance was different, not only in just a youthful face but my demeanor, my laugh and everything about me was different. I was the walking dead. It was not only an old version of me but it was a version of me grieving. It was me grieving myself. I was not there for me.

Have you ever looked back and realized the trauma you have survived? Have you ever looked back and realized it was so bad that you were not there for yourself? Not only had I abandoned others emotionally, but I had also abandoned myself. I was there physically but emotionally I had checked out. Numbing pain was all I knew to do.

I was heartbroken and sad for that young girl in that video. She was carrying the pain of abandonment by her parents, she was carrying the grief of losing the love she needed. She was carrying crosses that she was not meant to bear. But there she was showing up the best she knew how to show up. She was doing her best!

And as the tears streamed my tears of sadness went to tears of gratefulness. I started thanking God that I didn’t die while I was that version. I am thankful that I got an opportunity to start healing and be better not only for others but for me. I’m thankful that girl no longer exists. I’m thankful that the right people came into my life to pull me out of my grave. I’m thankful that I got sick of myself.

I pray we all get sick of our old versions of ourselves. I pray we accept those that come into our lives to pull us out of the graves we have dug unconsciously to put ourselves in just to numb our pain. Praying for those who just feel they cannot survive another day. The pain of not receiving the love we need is real but it is not a reason to give up. We are loved by a higher power, a God that keeps waking us up every day because we have a purpose. I pray you look back one day to know this is the truth and see what I saw, the old version of you.

Not Tree Gifts but Need Gifts

It’s not the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. For many if not the majority it’s a time of pain due to grief. Not just grief from empty chairs at the table but grief from not receiving the gifts we need. Instead of the gifts under the tree let’s give the gifts we need.

Let’s give the gift of love. Love people for who they are. Let them love who they wanna love, let them believe in what they want to believe in, and just let them be.

Let’s give the gift of compassion. Give compassion to those suffering. Maybe they are suffering in silence from something we know nothing about because it’s too painful to share or suffering from the loss of a child, parent, or spouse.

Let’s give the gift of forgiveness. Let’s forgive ourselves first for everything in our past. Write down every guilt, shame, and judgment and burn them into ashes. Forgive others for the apology we may never receive. Closure is never promised in life.

Let’s give the gift of gratitude. Thank people who came into our life and stayed during our worst of times. Thank those who gave us opportunities. Thank someone for sharing a story with us, a part of themselves. And don’t forget to thank yourself for every mountain you’ve climbed, and the storms you’ve survived. Last but not least thank God for living in you.

Let’s give our unique gifts. If you have the gift of peace, give it to someone who needs someone who needs some peace in their life. If you have the gift of helping, help someone who needs help. If you have the gift to lead, lead someone who needs to be led. If you have the gift to empower, empower someone who’s not able to empower themselves. Find your gift and give it to someone today for Christmas.

It was not the gifts brought to Jesus that were significant but what the gifts represented and what Jesus represented. Give your gift of what you want to represent today and every day.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!

Pain, Suffering & Death

Another shocking, heartbreaking, tragedy happened today when we learned of another nationally known talent that left us way too soon due to indescribable pain. Suffering that no amount of fame or fortune can subside the pain. No amount of love from family or friends can stop the suffering.

In 2011 my only nephew took his life. He was only 31 years old with a 5-year-old. He had a child that loved him, a mom, sister, and dad that loved him unconditionally. He had a great job and loved his occupation. But his pain was so great that he couldn’t even speak about it. He didn’t tell us that he was in so much pain that he wanted to end his life. His death changed our family dynamics forever.

I know that pain. The pain that you don’t want to wake up to face another day. In 2021, I suffered from so much pain and heartbreak from abandonment and grief from death that I asked God to let me die in my sleep. I knew how suicide affected those left behind and I didn’t want to leave that for my one and only adult child.

It was through suffering that I awakened. I awakened spiritually. I found out that my prayer to die in my sleep was not going to be answered because I had a purpose. I didn’t know what that purpose was but I started negotiating with God and demanding answers. There wasn’t a position, a dollar amount, or any amount of love from others that could save me but knowing that I had a purpose and it was to be shared to help others came to light through a stranger and confirmed through friends that knew nothing about my suffering.

My experience was so surreal that I couldn’t and still can’t put it into words. So I started reading books. I started researching to make sure I wasn’t crazier and I started wanting to know more. It’s taken me a long time but I finally get it. When suffering is so great due to pain and emptiness that nothing or nobody can stop it, there are only two things left and that’s to find God and surrender your soul.

When we surrender we stand spiritually naked. We stand with no judgment, forgiving ourselves, and we find love and compassion for ourselves, as we have given to others. We accept ourselves for exactly how we were created because we are created in God’s image so we come into the world perfectly. It’s only when our hearts, head, and body is closed and we have disconnected from our center of intelligence that our pain brings our suffering to death.

If you are suffering and in so much pain that you want to die. I pray you find a way to surrender your soul and find your spiritual healing. To open your heart and know you are here for a reason. You do have a purpose to be shared with others.

What is the Enneagram?

A tool that guides us to learn our authentic selves. We are not as we think we are not our traumas, childhood wounds, and our beliefs based on our parents’ and caretakers’ beliefs. We are not our generational curses. We are made in the image of God. If we are made in God’s image then that means we are light, we are energy, and we are better than what we believe.

It’s our ego personality that keeps us believing what we are not. The ego traps us into believing our fears, our insecurities, our power, and any part of ourselves that we are to the external world. The ego personality is made up of the following:

◦ Thoughts

◦ Emotions

◦ Fears

◦ Beliefs

◦ Personal history

◦ Self-concept

◦ Judgments

◦ Wounds

◦ Stories

◦ Opinions

◦ Reactions

The Enneagram helps us understand the following:

◦ External behaviors

◦ Underlying attitudes

◦ Characteristics sense of self

◦ Motivations conscious and unconscious

◦ Emotional reactions

◦ Defense mechanisms

◦ Object relations

◦ What we pay attention to

◦ Spiritual barriers and potentials

The Enneagram is not witchcraft, voodoo, Scientology, or affiliated with politics or religion. It has underpinnings of Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, and Judaism because it dates back to 2500 B. C.

In the words of George Ichazo, who brought the Enneagram to America “ We had to distinguish between a man as he is in essence, and as he is an ego or personality. In essence, every person is perfect, fearless, and in a loving unity, with the entire cosmos, there is no conflict within the person between head, heart, and stomach are between the person and others. Then something happens, the ego begins to develop karma accumulates, there is a transition from objectivity to subjectivity; man falls from essence into personality.”

I hope this helps those who are not familiar with the Enneagram.

Me vs Me in 2023

I spent over 50 years trying to fix things, people, and situations around me for me. I put a lot of energy and time into a lot of people. If you glanced at my resume of helping people and fixing situations it would be deserving of an award.

When I stayed isolated for months grieving my pain of abandonment, rejection, and death, it was not those I had helped that came to my rescue. It was through my suffering that I got the lesson. The lesson of working on me for me. And that was the real award!

Working on me for me is what’s brought me one of the best years of my life if not the best year of my life. And I’m claiming next year to be even better. Better because I’m better.

And when we are better because we are working on ourselves we are not concerned about who is doing better than us. We don’t have time or energy to look around to see if anyone is trying to one-up us. We are not in competition with anyone because nobody competes with us.

I encourage you today to stop putting energy into people and situations that you are not going to fix or change. Stop expecting people to return the same energy. It will save a lot of heartbreak and pain. Focus on you! What do you want to do more of, less of, and differently next year? Have a mindset of me vs me for 2023!

Presence for Presents

I want to start by saying “Thank you” to each one who has supported me through my shared purpose of Dealing to Healing. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read in a microwave culture. We are looking for quick flicks and one-liners because there’s so much to see on all social media platforms that we can’t spend too much time on any one page or we might miss something. Bravo! to those who can slow down to get the message.

I’ve been on a rant for a few weeks because the same thing keeps showing up in my life and it irritates me. What’s irritating me is the spirit of being ungrateful. It keeps showing up in my relationships. I keep hearing complaints about the “have not” instead of being thankful for the “haves”. This feels exhausting to me.

Along with the complaints is the spirit of greed. You know ungratefulness and greed are cousins. If one is ungrateful they will take advantage of any situation. It’s like when we say “I’m buying” and now they’ve gone from a burger to a steak. Y’all know what I’m talking about with folks who want to take full-blown opportunities.

Because it keeps showing up I am now beginning to question it. What’s the lesson? What trigger is this that irritates me to the bone? As I sit in silence I’m beginning to understand why those with an ungrateful spirit irritate me. I will share my conclusion later.

All I know and I will guarantee this to you. If we are grateful for every gift, every opportunity, every breathe we take it will change our life.

The real gift of gratitude is that the more grateful you are, the more present you become. Robert Holden

And if we make a conscious effort to be present in every moment and not get distracted then we will find moments of gratitude. If we live each day as if it were our last, we will find gratitude. If we are grateful we are going to bring more to us. Every single time!

The Helper

To know an Enneagram type two is to love them. If you know a “Helper”, then you know, you always have somebody in your corner to empathetically listen, help you with projects, and always be willing to go out of their way.

Living in an average healthy range we will find type two people becoming overly friendly. They attempt to win others by giving attention, approval, and flattery. They often cannot do enough for others. Wearing themselves out for everyone. They will create needs for themselves to fill so others can depend on them.

When under stress or moving to more unhealthy levels they will become resentful and complain bitterly. They do this because they feel unappreciated and unwanted. They fear losing others and play on their guilt and weaknesses. They may stuff their feelings by abusing food and medications.

Their basic desire is to be loved so naturally their basic fear is not being loved or wanted. And their hidden complaint is: I am always loving, although people don’t love me as much as I love them. I am taken for granted and unappreciated.

Does this describe someone you know? Someone in your family, coworker, friend, or you? Learn more about types by reaching out to me via social media or dealingtohealing@gmail.com