I’m working on a personal project this month. I interviewed several people to partner with during my project. I was first guided to those that qualified because there was only a select few and then I trusted my intuition on who I felt I should partner with.

As I interviewed I also tested them for integrity, motivation, and professionalism. One lady said Can I call you back tomorrow? I replied “yes”. and then she said if I forget, will you call me? My response was “no, that’s part of your test, if you don’t call me, I will not call you.” She never called me and she didn’t get the part.

Sometimes we have to test people to see if they are qualified to be in our life, to see if they can earn a part. Our time and energy should not be easily given. Giving ourselves away to those that don’t appreciate our efforts often gets us taken for granted. Some assume just because you’ve always been there that you’ll stay there. Not true! We do outgrow relationships.

My shrink has done many forecasts on my relationships and has predicted that I would outgrow this one or that one. Because I couldn’t see my growth I have often dismissed her wisdom. Her predictions have almost always come true. She’d see that I was growing and the other person was not but was essentially only holding on to me to their benefit and holding me back if I stayed in the relationship.

That’s why now, I often give tests. Are you worthy enough for my time and energy? Are you going to prove that you want to be in a relationship with me? If we test and they fail the test, release them in love. We shouldn’t be upset, disappointed, or angry because it is just a sign that it’s not our person. They may have been at one time but maybe their season is over. Accepting that we’ve outgrown a relationship should be as simple as a plant outgrowing its pot. Eventually, the plant must be moved or it will die. We must remember if we don’t move forward on our path and embrace growth including outgrowing relationships, we will stunt ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. We should never stunt our growth or pause on our path to wait on others to catch up. Give tests and see if they can pass and deserve a part in your life.

For years I’ve known about Louise Hay. My shrink introduced me to her affirmation cards and often referred to her in our sessions. She has passed now but her legacy continues. I recently listened to one of her podcasts. She talked about the power of self-love. She listed ten things that can help you to embrace who you are and love yourself. I’ll be writing about them over the next few days.

First, she said Stop Criticizing Yourself. When we visualize the worst about us and allow our insecurities to speak to us, this is not a form of self-love. I often hear people call themselves dumb, stupid, fat, and criticize their minds and body. If you wouldn’t say it to your mother or best friend then don’t say it to yourself.

I believe that being hard on ourselves and telling ourselves that we don’t look good, we didn’t sound good or we messed something up is our inner wound coming out. Maybe you were called names as a child or you were bullied. Maybe you were just like me and not called names but just not encouraged or given compliments by caretakers and adults.

Insecurities have underlying stress. We are stressed wanting to know if we are enough and making comparisons just makes it worse. Please don’t call yourself names, beat yourself up for mistakes, and quit making comparisons. God doesn’t make mistakes and he didn’t make one when he made you. You are always enough and you are special so please don’t compare. Love yourself!

I was listening to a podcast on empowering women recently. As this public figure told her story I felt compassion for her and much of it resonated with me. However, when she got to a certain part I started to shut her down and started feeling not good about what she was saying.

She started telling me what to do. What works for one doesn’t work for everyone. She said count to 5 and jump out of the bed in the mornings. This is where I started shutting down. I’ve never jumped out of the bed. I’m not a morning person and I embrace the comfort of a place that holds me, listens to my thoughts, feels my tears, and comforts me amid grief and pain. A lot of prayers have been said in my bed. I’ve learned that my bed is my chair to heal and write. I love my bed so I won’t be jumping out of it after counting to 5.

Next, she said, make it up so you don’t crawl back in it. Okay, I make my bed most days but there are days I don’t. I mainly leave it unmade as an open invitation to come back if I feel the need. Some days you just want an invitation of comfort. A made-up bed to me means off-limits. As a child I couldn’t sit on the bed nor was I allowed to get back in it after it was made up. Our bed should never be off-limits.

Needless to say, I didn’t feel very empowered when she finished. I do feel empowered knowing what works for me may not work for anyone else in the world. I know I’m as different and special as a snowflake. God doesn’t make any mistakes and it’s okay to accept who you are and not feel like you’re not doing it right because some public figure tells you how to do it. Embrace and love yourself.

I have finished my 3rd book for the year, The Power of Awakening; Mindfulness Practices and Spiritual Tools to Transform Your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It was an eye-opener and it resonated with me on so many levels. I believe I highlighted half the book but the items below are what I’d like to share with you. Hope it helps!

The more stress you have, the more the ego is controlling you. Anyone with stress is subject to rigid likes and dislikes. Such strict adherence means an absence of freedom for you, which can in turn manifest as countless stress-related illnesses. Why should any part of your life be at the mercy of the ego? It’s like turning control over to something outside of yourself, and of course the moment you do that you’re no longer free.

You have an absence of resentment. A resentful person is someone who finds occasions for offense almost all the time, tending to see it just about everywhere they go. Authentic freedom comes when you can go through your days and see such things not as occasions for resentment, but as the way they are. As for those things that you’d like to see changed, you can work at changing them without being self-absorbed. The more you meditate, the more peaceful you get, and the more you get to know the God force that is within all of us. You discover that the universe is on purpose, and all the things that are happening are part of God’s plan, even though you don’t understand them. I think one of the greatest insights you can have is that the Divine plan works and yours doesn’t. If it did, you wouldn’t be having any of these kinds of resentments or be so self-absorbed.

Not being attached to the outcome is really your higher self at work. When you are calm, patient, and compassionate, you respond to life with that very calmness, patience, and compassion. You become more productive and have more energy. The less you are attached to outcome and self-absorption, the more energy you have left over for what you’re here for in the first place. The ego says, “You must be concerned with everything.” The higher self says, “If you surrender, serve, go with the flow, have an overriding spiritual objective, and know that you are here for a purpose, there will not be time for what offends you.”

The ego wants you to live with fear, which is the opposite of love. As you tame your ego and leave behind your self-importance, you become focused on what you’re here for. Your energy is placed only on that, nothing more, and anything that anybody else says that’s in opposition to that will be seen as just where they are on the path. You won’t disagree or feel annoyed with them; as a matter of fact, you won’t even notice it because your energy will be concentrated solely on what you’re here for.

You won’t ever be lonely. When you don’t feel any void within you, it’s easy to love whom you’re alone with, which is your higher self.

You know that any problem you have is to be solved in the mind. Recognizing that it’s your own reaction causing you stress, anxiety, tension, fear, and pain is liberating. You understand: No one else has to change in order for my pain or struggles to go away. My ego tells me that others have to change in order for me to feel successful, happy, fulfilled, or whatever, but I know it comes down to how I process everything.

I used this quote when I blogged about giving others grace. I want to use it again to illustrate another point.

When we categorize people by saying, they are nice or they are mean, we are categorizing and putting them in our box. We expect them to stay in that box. Keeping people in a box and a category will get you hurt.

Let me explain. We are all complicated. We all have sides. Each of us has a good side, an ugly side, a dark side, and an angelic side. Depending on the situation, our sides are exposed. Even the narcissist has a good side or we wouldn’t fall into the trap of trusting them. And Jesus had an angry side when he turned over the tables.

Sometimes the ones that we label as a good person or “got my back” are the very ones that will leave you. Think about it, the ones you thought were the ride or die are the ones who’ve hurt you. We are never hurt by our enemies or those we categorize as bad. We are hurt by those that we put in the good category.

We should not put the expectation on others that we can’t put on ourselves. If we can change, snap, show our ugly side then we must know others have that capability too. It’s not about trust, it’s about not categorizing, labeling, and putting folks in a box. Accept they have sides just like me and you. Accept they are evolving just like me and you. Accept that none of us are the finished product and we all need allowances to change.

You may have noticed some changes in my blogging and my social media presence this year. You may have also noticed that I’m more on the healing side than the dealing side. Since my media detox in January, my life has changed again. I’m not able to put into words exactly what happened during those 31 days I was shut down but my life has never felt more peaceful. I think I found new love with the quiet and the stillness I experienced. I believe I experienced a new level of awakening and spiritual awareness.

I can count on one hand the times I have watched the news since I came back on to television and social media. I have watched a couple of Netflix series but other than that I’m still sitting in the quiet with music sometimes playing in the background. I’m committed to a full schedule of writing my blog, a memoir, working out, and currently reading two books while intermittently working on podcasts, sermons, and motivational videos. If that is not enough I work a full-time job and I started a personal project that I will share with you later. You may now understand why I don’t have the social media presence I had previously. I have time restraints because I am on a mission.

I feel whole, complete and I don’t need anyone or anything to make me feel better. I’m no longer chasing counterfeit freedom in material things, alcohol, or experiences. I’m moving away from labels and working on my ego. I have authentic freedom and that is why I’m happier than I have ever been in my life. I know I’m continuing to awaken as I see signs and synchronicities daily. I know that God lives in me and is working through me. I’m not able to explain the intelligence behind it all but I know that it is real because of my experiences.

The book I’m writing, it’s a story of a girl born to a dysfunctional family, who emotionally and physically abandoned her. That girl grew up with an abandonment wound and an unhealthy attachment style that created a magnet for addicts and narcissists’ relationships. After 5 decades she broke patterns and generational curses. She prayed to die many times during her dark periods but she didn’t because she has a purpose and a story to tell to the world. She knows that no suffering is in vain and nobody is born to give up because everyone has a gift and a purpose. It’s there and it’s been there the entire time. Believe me, because that girl is me!

I recently concluded I’m just old school when it comes to white out. The brush and paint are just fine for me. The new and improved tape doesn’t work for me. I went through 5 of those plastic things trying to figure out the technique to push over my mistakes. After some time including a FaceTime tutorial with a friend I finally said, I don’t do this well but I’m great at other things.

Nobody is great at everything and perfectionism is sometimes only a thought because is there anything or anyone perfect? Attempting to do things that we are not masters at is part of the experience.

As I was reading my current self-improvement book the following resonated with me.

We always have to do our best. I hear this almost every single day, from motivational speakers to athletes: “I have to do my best.” I’d like to challenge that. You don’t have to be perpetually performing and doing things at the top level. As a matter of fact, the idea that things always have to be done perfectly is very often what will keep you from achieving anything at all.

If you’re preoccupied with perfectionism, it will turn into paralysis in the end, because you won’t be able to accomplish anything. Get rid of that whole idea of best and just do. I suggest that you replace the idea that you always have to do your best at everything with this: There’s going to be a few things that I do very well—it may even be my best. But when it comes to the rest of the things I do in my life, I’m not going to worry about my best and instead simply enjoy them. Remember to take that pressure off of your children as well, because it’s far more important for them to do and enjoy and be at peace and in harmony than it is to live with all of the illness-producing stress that comes from constantly being told that you always have to do your best.