I grew up hearing that scripture. I’ve heard different interruptions on it including don’t defile the temple where God lives. This meant don’t drink alcohol, smoke, and in some cultures and religions, don’t eat meat or pork. While I respect everyone’s interpretation and beliefs, I interrupt it and apply it to my life differently.

I believe guarding your heart means don’t expose it to toxic people. We must protect ourselves by not allowing those with bad intentions and toxic traits to hurt our hearts. Once we are aware that someone is toxic or they have bad intentions, it is up to us to protect our hearts.

It’s as simple as locking your door so the thief doesn’t come in and steal from you. Even the birds of the air and animals in the wild are born with the instinct to protect themselves. If you’ve ever witnessed an abused animal then you know they are timid and unsure if they can trust you. They are essentially protecting themselves.

We have the same instinct and the right to protect our hearts. Once someone has proven time and time again that they will crush your heart, we must protect it and put a guard dog at the gate. I have a saying, “the first time you hurt me, shame on you, the second time, shame on me.” Maya Angelou said it best.

WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM THE FIRST TIME.

Now here is the most challenging part, they are blood. I understand that more than I have shared. Let me say that some of the most poisonous and toxic folks are people you did not choose and they did not choose you.

Family is not just what you are born into. They are those who come to us in times of dire straits, they are the ones checking on us when we are silent and can only communicate in tears. they understand that the past does not exist and yesterday is only a memory. Holding on and ruminating on things that are done cannot repair the damage. We’ve got to let go of that painful memory, forgive and move forward.

“Forgiveness is about empowering yourself,
rather than empowering your past.”
– T. D. Jakes

We can forgive and love each other by not continuing to bring up a painful past. I believe we can love each other while guarding our hearts. As one shrink told me, “remember just because a lion is a cat does not mean you can allow them to get close to you. Don’t forget they will eat you alive if you allow them to get close enough.“ Above all else guard your heart!

I found this picture that describes my week. The word for this week is CHAlleNGE! But you cannot spell challenge without change.

Challenges always bring changes. It doesn’t matter what it is, goals at work, fitness, learning a new skill, they all make you change and most of the time for the better. And that’s where I am now. With every challenge I have encountered this week, I’ve realized it’s a change that needed to be made. Rather I saw that it needed to be made or God saw the bigger picture and made the change.

We have to trust challenges that bring changes. I believe the challenge of the pandemic has brought changes we could never think possible. Some changes we may like and some we may not but we have to trust that it was all for the best and that’s the way the dots connected. The teacher is always present making us stronger and better.

We have to remember that if those challenges bring changes that shut doors, we should be thankful for the doors that shut that protected us from something worse. And it can always be worse. I know it’s hard to say “thankful I broke down in the driveway and not on the road.” but being thankful for what it’s not should always be said.

Let’s embrace the challenge. Be thankful for doors that closed to protect us. Allow the teacher to teach. And remember to speed up and keep going, we wanna see what happens if we don’t give up.

I had someone who didn’t know me invite me to church. As she handed me a small postcard that promoted her church, I took her postcard but politely declined it and shared my Sunday morning ritual with her. Coffee in bed, phone on do not disturb while watching T.D. Jakes online for over 10 years.

She was familiar with Bishop Jakes. She was very quick to say she liked him but he needed to lose weight. I decided to let that go and not respond since our relationship was professional but the feeling of body shaming came up in me so quickly that I had to find the nearest exit sign and exit.

Here are the issues with this scenario. One she was so loyal to her church that she kept marketing material in her purse. Next, she loved her church enough that she wanted to share it with me. She was representing but what was she representing? Her free will, unsolicited opinion on what I was loyal to and what I loved. Which was referring to my bishop as “fat”. See how that worked? Her invite, marketing material, and church spill were all in vain after she threw stones at what I loved.

She followed up with me by texting and asking if I had visited or watched online. This time I was not polite and I firmly told her no and that I would not be watching or attending due to my loyalty to my ritual. Again, she reiterated that Bishop Jakes was overweight. “He needs to do something about his distended abdomen. We need him in better shape.”

After that text message and her reiterating her opinion, my thoughts changed to what has she experienced that has brought her to body shame others? What wound does she have that she feels superior enough to throw stones at what I love? Why is she promoting her church as a source of love when she is not representing that to me? I decided to meet her where she was and let that go. I may never have the answers to my questions, I’ll just conclude she is wounded and she is probably unknowingly bleeding on others by throwing stones at what others embrace and body shaming folks. But one question does remain what is she representing?

Recently, I went to an old rock star concert from the 80s. Before she came on, I rushed to the front to be with the real rockers, the real fans of my era. As I stood in awe of the performer and I looked around at the people that surrounded me, I noticed I was in a state of gratitude. I was thankful for the fine lines, gray hair, and bald heads that surrounded me.

I’ve always respected the wisdom that comes with age. In high school, I quickly became friends with the seniors and juniors when I was a sophomore. I knew to learn the ropes of going to a new school I had to learn from the upper classmates.

Growing up I gravitated toward my older cousins and older friends in the church so I could learn from them. I was always the youngest in my group of peers. I chose that so I could know more than I was supposed to for my age.

Today, I believe that generation does not exist. Because of technology, you do not have to get around the older and wiser to learn. You can barricade yourself in with your laptop and learn all you want to by watching videos and reading. But no matter how much you watch, read or listen nothing comes close to hands-on learning from experience.

Learning from experiencing it. As my friend calls it “bumping your head” is the best teacher. When you learn from the experience you never forget it. You might repeat it several times but you eventually catch on and you don’t forget it. And with that comes the fine lines, the gray hairs, the wisdom that we’ve earned.

Being older and wiser used to earn you respect but I’m not so sure about that now either. Because of technology we’ve raised a smarter generation who believes smarter is better than wiser. If you’re not sure of that then share your wisdom with someone half your age and watch them look at you crazy.

I’m thankful for my generation. My lack of technology pushed me to learn from others, to respect my elders for their wisdom. Understanding that hands-on and bumping my head was the best teacher. It earned my gray hair and fine lines and I’m happy that it did.

I had something happen unexpectedly the other day and I shared the incident with a friend. They asked, “Did that bother you?” My reply “No, I’m so deeply rooted where I am that nothing anyone does or anything that happens is going to sway me off my path.”

I continued saying…It’s taken a long time but I am in a place where I let nothing interfere with my mission. I’m busy, I’m busy writing a book, a blog, reading, listening to motivational speakers. I’m busy working and filling out paperwork for my scholarship. I’m busy planning a trip and working on my personal project. I am not looking in my rearview mirror at something that happened yesterday. Yesterday does not exist and it’s only a memory.

But I must remember while on my path that if toxic folks find a crack in me, the crack that exposes my light, they will stay up all night trying to figure out how to put out the light. Put it out like a candle in the wind. I don’t let them that close. Remember nobody is ever betrayed by an enemy. It’s the tribe member, it’s the disciples, it’s family.

I’m staying on my path and I will not allow any distractions from my purpose. I am deeply rooted so when the wind blows, I sway like a Palm so I don’t break like an Oak. And just like the Palm and Oak, they are not competing and neither am I.

It doesn’t matter if you believe in the Bible or you believe in science or both. They say the same thing and that is we are all connected, we are all one, we are!

• We are all wounded.
• We are all doing the best we can with where we are at with our knowledge and experience.
• We are all having fear.
• We are all grieving.
• We are all acting on our ego.
• We are all judging.
• We are all dreaming.
• We are all human.
• We are all made in God’s image.
• We are all a color, white, brown, black, etc
• We are all loved and want to be loved.
• We are all bleeding red.
• We are all unique with a gift and a purpose.
• We are all special.

And this is why I am trying my best to remove labels. The label does not define me. What I say does not define me. What I do, defines me. We are all the same and one.

I recently heard a sermon titled No Receipts, No Respect. Without our receipts, our proof, we get no respect.

I grew up in a time when you were supposed to hide your crazy. Nobody talked about mental health, at least not openly. Talking about depression or anxiety was forbidden. You didn’t admit to taking medication either. Prozac was a dirty word. And I remember a time that if you were struggling with mental health your family would say “she’s in the bed” which stood for she can’t face the world today.

I’m not sure why mental health was ever hidden but today that’s a completely different story. Not only should we say what mental health issues we deal with or dealt with, but we should also talk about them openly and be proud of any we have overcome.

Talking about our wounds and scars is the same as showing a receipt. You know if you don’t show a receipt on an exchange or return you are very quickly dismissed and given no respect due to lack of proof. Without a receipt, you have no proof that it ever happened. Proof confirms that you have been there, done that, got the t-shirt, can tell the story, and help others. There is much respect in the proof of overcoming adversity especially when you are the only one to overcome in your family, your circle of friends, or broken a generational curse.

If you are dealing with mental health issues, I encourage you to talk openly about it with your safe people. It helps to talk about it and it helps others to know they are not alone. If you’ve overcome an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, or whatever it is, tell your story, show your scars. Surviving should always be considered an accomplishment and a jewel in everyone’s crown. Overcoming adversity is your receipt for the respect you’ve earned which becomes your trophy that you should be proud of achieving.

Number seven on the list of Louise Hay’s Power of Self Love is Love Your Negatives. We all have negatives or what we interpret as negatives. We need to accept all parts of us even the ones that are not considered positive to us or others.

I know I am challenged with distractions. If you are talking to me and something as simple as a person walking by, a text, a call, or noise, I will stop focusing on you and look at what has got my attention. I have done that all my life. I understand that it may come across as rude, inconsiderate, or unprofessional but I know that I try very hard to not allow it to distract me. I believe that for every perceived “negative” we should find the positive in the negative.

In my case, I think being distracted can be a positive in the sense that I can juggle and keep my head on a swivel. It came in great when I bartended. I could take your order, make a drink, stock beer, hear a conversation and wipe a spill. I can also talk to you while keeping my eyes in the back of my head to make sure I’m getting my purse snatched or pickpocketed. I can also hear two conversations at the same time. Comes in handy when people talk over each other and are too rude to wait.

We must learn to embrace our negatives and flip them around to be an asset and not a liability. In some cases, we may just have to accept that is who we are and as long as it is not interfering with our life, it is acceptable. Sometimes we just need to accommodate the negatives. For example, I have friends who cannot get up and are always late to their 9 to 5 jobs. In my opinion, they need a career where they can sleep until noon or do a later shift. The hospitality industry and entertainment industry is full of opportunities that you don’t have to be at your desk at 9 am.

Let’s quit beating ourselves up for what we perceive as negatives. Definitely don’t allow others to beat us up. They can’t change their negatives so don’t let them work on yours. We should embrace every part of us. It’s who we are, our DNA, and the way God made us. Don’t apologize because he doesn’t make mistakes. Love yourself including your “negatives”.