I’ve been saying for the past week that I just need to let things go and flow. If it works, it works and if it doesn’t I don’t force it. If you want to be in my life that’s great but if you don’t I’m okay with that too. I’m allowing everything and everyone in my life to just flow. After my Triggers from Trauma lesson, I’m trying to just believe all the dots connect if we just let it happen. I know with all my heart and soul that there’s nothing that just happens. Everything we experience is for a reason.

I had a friend confide in me that they felt like every time things in life got good then something bad happened. I told them, we always repeat lessons when we don’t learn. I’ve been in the same class for over 50 years. I think I’m graduating now. We are going to repeat the patterns until we learn the lesson and break the patterns.

Next, I said, every time it gets good we tend to believe we have control of our life so the ego puffs out its chest and says “I got this”. But the ego doesn’t have it, it’s God that has us at the end of the day. We have the tools but he provides the blessing when we allow it. He wants the credit too so we need to be thankful and share with others our blessing.

I see so many people say on social media say, “Pray, pray, pray” but I hardly ever see the “Thank ya Jesus” when the prayer is answered. As I have written in Respect the Gift if you ask for it and receive it then honor it.

Last but not least we do reap what we sow. I’ve reaped my bad seed plenty of times and I have been blessed by sowing good seed. I’ve learned that if I can just let it go and let it flow then it will happen just like it’s supposed to happen. Nobody escapes the harvest. You rather do folks wrong and suffer the consequences of your actions or do what’s right and watch it come back in 10 fold. And believe me, letting go is powerful. That’s a much stronger statement of character than hanging on. Say it out loud, let it go, and let it flow.

A friend of mine recently went to Johannesburg Africa and went on a safari. He shared stories, videos, and pictures of his adventure. The magnificent beauty can not be detailed in words.

He shared one video that is seared in my mind. It showed 5 lions grazing on a zebra they took down for a meal. Not only could you see them but you could hear them crunching the bones. As they casually laid by a body of water and grazed on their prize, the hyaenas watched in the background. In the wheat-colored fields, they watched. They watched for the last lion to finish and leave. And when the last lion licked his lips and left, the hyaenas came in for any scraps.

That video stuck in my mind and I thought how it was so parallel to our lives. There are lions out there that plan strategically, they watch and hunt. They are brave and take risks to get what they want and what they need to survive. Then there are hyaenas out there that are just waiting and watching. They are waiting for anything to be given to them.

Here’s the thing, if you were born into a family of lions then you are trained and skilled to be brave and to get what you need. But what if you are born into a family of hyaenas? Do we just watch, wait for anything to be given to us?

If the hyaena can observe and strategically know when it’s safe to go in for the scrapes then they can develop the skills to strategically watch, hunt, and get their prize just like the lion. It’s the fear that prevents them. They believe just because they were not born a lion they are not properly equipped. Fear is a liar!

If you want folks to underestimate you, then let them watch you dismiss your fear. Let them sit in the background and watch you find the skill within you to get your prize. Because when you look like a hyaena, nobody thinks you have the skills, know-how to strategize, know how to hunt and kill your prize. Just because you were born into a family that didn’t train you and show you the skills you need does not mean you don’t have them. You do not have to sit and wait for someone else to lick their lips and leave you the scraps. You must believe you are better than what you’ve been given. You must believe you have the same ability as the lion.

Trauma is a liar! Fear is a liar! The spirit of doubt and confusion is a liar! The naysayers are liars! Don’t believe the lies you’ve been told, that’s been passed down from generation to generation. And if you have gotta leave the pack of hyaenas to build your confidence then do what you need to do. Whatever it takes to develop your skill and get your prize. Just because you were born into the hyaena family does not keep you as one. You’re a lion within. Straighten your crown kings and queens, we have prizes to get.

Can we talk about anxiety? Fear? Panic attacks? Scared? I was talking about it over the weekend. I was sharing about when I had panic attacks in 2020. I allowed fear to consume me. I was afraid of the consequences. Nobody threatened me or even eluded to any of my fears but I believed my fears because I believed me.

If we spoke to ourselves and loved ourselves like we speak to and love others, our anxiety would dissipate. It’s not on the person that planted the seed of fear, it is us watering the seed of fear. The seed of fear most likely came from our childhood wounds. Someone told us when we were young that if it wasn’t done exactly right, this, or that way there would be consequences.

I understand this because I was told as a child that I was going to hell more often than I was told God loved me. I was told more often it’s wrong than right. I was told by teachers, preachers, parents, and peers who also had the seed of fear in them too that there would be consequences. As I grew I watered that seed. I watered that seed for over 50 years by saying out loud, “I’m afraid, I’m worried, I’m scared”. Stop thinking and saying these phrases because that’s the water. Proverbs 23:7 says

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:

I thought and believed I would be abandoned, betrayed, blacked out, pay consequences for anything less than right or perfect. But thank ya Jesus I don’t water the seed today. I’m working on digging the roots of it out and removing all traces.

As my shrink told me fear is not real. It’s just nothing trying to become something. And we can choose fear to believe in something bad or choose faith and believe in something good. But faith and fear can never simultaneously exist.

If you resonate with this, remember the next time you feel that pit in your stomach that moves up to your throat and into your air passageways and you struggle to breathe, it’s not your future you’re afraid of. It’s repeating the past that makes you anxious. Let go and have faith.

I almost allowed my compassion and empathy to cross my boundaries the last two weeks. Have you ever felt so much compassion for someone that you let your boundaries down to help them or try to help them? I think most of us have been there and done that. We say we are not helping that person again. I’m not taking that phone call, watching that kid, running that errand, and then we find ourselves not saying “no” to them because we feel bad for them.

My compassion and empathy have compromised my boundaries more times than I’d like to admit. We can often justify it by telling ourselves that they don’t have anyone to help them or what if something happens to them. We let down our boundaries due to compassion and justify it so we don’t feel guilty or shameful for not helping them. It’s us doing an act for us to not feel bad.

It’s happened to me twice in the last two weeks and while I stood looking down the slippery slope, I did not lean forward to fall back into my old ways. I love myself and respect myself now more than I do anybody else. I must decline all invites to pity parties.

I also realize that some folks just don’t feel loved unless you are showing them compassion and attending their pity party. You know them! The sky is always falling. As long as the sky is falling it’s likely they will get the love they need through our compassion and pity.

I’m not compromising my boundaries to give compassion to those expecting me to attend their pity party. Like a revolving door, it never stops from some people. If you give them an inch some want a mile. But just like all revolving doors when we get out, usually someone else is getting in. There’s always going to be someone throwing a pity party and there is always someone who is going to attend. Let’s make sure it’s not us compromising our boundaries to attend so we don’t feel guilty or shameful.

This week I’ve spoken with 2 friends that have shared their anxiety due to being overwhelmed with things coming at them in life. The things coming at them are in their control. It’s things they can change and it all starts in the mind.

One shared that they are overwhelmed with the upgrades on their house, major repairs, painting, new furniture. To one that enjoys projects, this may not sound like a big deal but if you don’t like making major decisions and you are not a project person then you can feel overwhelmed. I told them to get a calendar and mark a reasonable date that it will be done. Even though you have no idea the time frame or window to get all accomplished, you can pretend that is the date and start your countdown to having the project finished.

The other friend’s situation is more complicated but I said the same to them. I said if you can worry about what doesn’t exist then you can flip your mind around to pretend that it is going to happen. Mark your calendar and say this is the date it will all be done.

We have control of our thoughts. We are the only ones to control them. We can be positive in our thoughts just as easy as we can go bad in our thoughts. It’s not “what if” it’s “it will”. I believe the word “will” is written more than “if” in the Bible. Google says 2881 times. If we divided that by months and days in a year then we need to say it 7 times a day. Seven is the number of God, spiritual awareness, intuition, and inner wisdom. Coincidental? You know the answer. 😉

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"
Matthew 6:27

I know a couple, they are long-time friends of mine and they are ahead of me on their journey. They had their awakening many moons ago. One of them told me that when they got on their path they wanted everyone to follow. They tried to get everyone to awaken so others could see what they saw. My friends admitted to me that it doesn’t work that way. People awaken when they decide it’s okay to suffer, be in solitude, and be open to solutions.

Most people ask for the answer but are not open to the solution or the messenger bringing the solution. As I blogged on Sunday, Respect the Gift if you pray for an answer and the answer comes in a form you don’t receive it, then you are not honoring what has been sent to you. We have to remember that sometimes answers don’t look like we think they should look, they don’t come from people that look like us, talk like us or believe like us. We must be open to receiving from all.

Sometimes we don’t get our answers or a-ha moments because we want something magical to be done. We want the quick fix that doesn’t require us to work. We have to work if we want to change. If we want to save ourselves we have to take heed and build the ark. What if Noah just wanted God to put an ark before him. The magic only happens when we are open to working and working to change.

Solutions are found in silence and solitude. Be open to all that come. Remember connections are not coincidental. The magic will happen when we work to change and honor our answered prayers.

I’ve read and heard for years to be authentic, to be exactly who I am. Let go of fear, let go of questions, let go of the hows. let go of being judged or critiqued in my writings. I was told by a good friend who is also an author that I should write as my authentic self and the audience will come.

Last week I was in a writing class with thousands of people from all over the world. It was sponsored and given by an international publishing company. The one thing they kept reiterating was to write your story authentically. Write it from your experience, in your authentic words, and let it flow without holding back.

If I am honest and transparent, I have been holding back from saying it as I would to my tribe or someone in person. Anyone who knows me personally knows I do not hold back when I talk. My words come out fluently from my heart and soul. I’ve held back many times because I don’t want my spiritual awakening and experience to be a shutdown or be a turn-off to those who do not understand or get it. The root of that comes from my religious trauma. Growing up in a fear-based church with a strict doctrine turned me off from religion and doctrine but not from God. I never want to shove God down anyone’s throat. Shoving God down someone’s throat is like taking bad medicine. It doesn’t matter how much it helps you, heals you, and makes you better, you are not going to like it or want it.

I am wrong for not being my authentic self, allowing my words to come out fluently and tell my story authentically. I’ve decided that if you are not open to believing in a spiritual awakening, a higher power, God, or believing there is more out there to guide us, I have to let that go. If you don’t want to believe then that is on you. It does not dilute my story or my experience. Your thoughts about me are none of my business.

Moving forward I will not hold back on my belief in my God or my spiritual awakening. It does not serve my purpose to help, guide, heal and inspire others if I cannot be my authentic self and leave my one-of-a-kind fingerprint. As I have written, to be a leader or lead a trend, be a trailblazer, you must be unorthodox. I must love my need to be my crazy, misfit, black sheep, unorthodox, authentic self more than I do to be liked and accepted. Thank ya Jesus for giving me the gifts to lead, help and heal others. Let’s Go!

I can count on one hand the times I’ve been scared and feared for my life. I’ve been fortunate that I have not been a victim of crime however I have been victimized by peeping Toms, crack heads, and a few who have tried me.

One night I was alone in my 2 bedroom cottage house in Nashville when I heard a car door slam outside. Now living in close proximity to my neighbors I didn’t think too much of it. I also from time to time would get surprised by my husband. He’d run by sometimes from his night shift as an emergency responder. I had just gotten out of the shower and patiently waited to see if it was him and for him to open the door. The longer I sat on my sofa watching the door, my curiosity rose. After several minutes I got up from my sofa to peek out the window.

I had a door with window panes and there was a window to the right of it. As I raised one blind slat from my window to put my curiosity at rest, I saw a man’s blue Oxford shirt that was simultaneously peeping in my door. Before even having a second thought, I flung the door open. I did not have a gun, pepper spray, taser, or any weapon to protect me. I was just going bat shit crazy trying to see who was peeping on me. Who was victimizing me!

I never did see who it was or found out. Evidence of a man’s boot was left on the front porch from the mud he stepped in on that rainy night. Looking back I could’ve gotten myself killed by acting out of my fear. Since then I’ve learned to pull my 44 Magnum at ease.

If you think about that type of fear and fear you may have physically experienced then it is easier to see how we make mistakes and make bad decisions when we allow fear to guide us. Fear is what keeps us from doing what is best. I know folks that have a successful career, their social status is one that many admire but their fear prevents them from being the best version of themselves. Just because you look like a thing does not mean you are that thing. Remember don’t fall for affluence but it’s the influence that leads. What is fear killing in you today?

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10

In honor of my mother turning 87 today, I went down memory lane last night. I got out my mother’s box of pictures that she held near and dear to her heart and I found this one. I’m not for sure but I believe she and my daddy were still newlyweds in this picture. You can’t tell they were two broken and hurting people. They tried for 13 years to get through the pain but just couldn’t make it work out. I do believe he loved her or wouldn’t have waited until he was in his 40’s to marry her. Yes! He didn’t marry until he was in his 40’s. And she loved him even though she had an abandonment wound. It’s hard to tell when someone actually loves or even knows what love is when they have been abandoned.

I’m sorry for their pain and their heartaches but I’m thankful for the prayers that gave me hope and kept me holding on. I’m thankful for my survival skills and my lust for a better life. I’m thankful for my parents that loved me the best they could and kept me.

And that’s the thing, there is always something to be thankful for in life. It could’ve been much worse. It took my pain and their pain and suffering to awaken me to a better world. It took all the passed down generational trauma for me to break it. Remember no matter what happens in life, we must not lose hope. We can never give up or give in. Pain passes and hope always blooms even if it takes 5 decades.