Are You Ready?

Sometimes our heart’s desires, our dreams, and our purpose is not revealed or come to fruition because we are not ready. The timing of an event is everything. If we receive it too early then we may not be able to handle it. And if we cannot handle it then sometimes what was meant to be a blessing can turn into adversity, affliction, and often a catastrophe.

This year folks have said to me, “Can’t wait to read your book.” “You need to do a podcast!” “Girl you need to be a motivational speaker.” While I’m truly humbled by all the suggestions, I believe that the timing of my next opportunity to level up has not been revealed because I’m not ready. I don’t know what I’m not ready for but it could be fortune, fame, fans, or just the energy of some folks I may not be ready to handle.

That’s why the prayer is not answered. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He sees the next dot we are going to land on, he sees what’s around the corner, while we can’t. We often become frustrated in not understanding why we are not getting our prayer answered or our heart’s desire, but instead of being frustrated then know the timing is not right.

Let me take it to another level. I know folks that do not understand why they are still single while others are finding the love of their lives. It takes work to be a spouse, it takes real work to have a successful marriage. If “Mr. or Mrs. Right” has not come along then accept it as a sign that you are not ready OR maybe he/she is not ready for you.

I’m gonna say it again, timing is everything! Smartphones couldn’t show up before the internet or they’d be useless. Starbucks couldn’t show up during The Depression or nobody could afford it. Trust timing and keep believing that it will come right on time when it is at the perfect time. Don’t force it, don’t curse it, don’t stay awake wondering, don’t cry over it, just allow it while you keep believing. 

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. - Ecclesiastes 3:1

Are You in a Toxic Relationship?

It’s time to do some more red flags 🚩 on toxic folks, particularly narcissists. We don’t have to have a degree or piece of paper to analyze toxic people. If we know the traits and characteristics then we can assume if the shoe fits then they are wearing it.

Unless you’ve lived it, walked the path, and been in a relationship with a narcissist, your mind cannot comprehend the toxic traits, the darkness, and the pain in a relationship.

  • 🚩 They tend to move fast in a relationship. They will ask you all the right questions, and wine, and dine you as if money is not an issue. They will compliment, gift you and say all the right things. If you’ve met a fast mover, that “feels” perfect, watch out!
  • 🚩 They will gaslight you. Call you a name and watch you get upset just to say, “You’re crazy, I was just joking.” This is not a joke. They are testing you. They are getting power from your reaction.
  • 🚩 They make promises! They will promise you the moon and stars. They promise big too. Things like a business deal, a car, a home, an extravagant vacation. But it’s just words, it will never come to fruition. It’s only a carrot to dangle to keep you in their life.
  • 🚩 They will watch you cry tears that can fill the ocean. Watch you have emotional pain and while you are expressing it, look at you blank-faced with zero compassion. They might say to stop expressing your pain and crying your tears for it’s bothering them.

If any of the red flags 🚩 resonate with you then I encourage you to talk to a professional. Find a counselor or therapist who can give you sound guidance on your situation.

I share my knowledge from my personal story to help others. If I’ve helped just one to recognize they are on a hamster wheel in their relationship then I know my mission has been accomplished. Sending love and prayers to all that has been victimized by toxicity and narcissism.

Don’t Block the Blessing

I wanna share a story about 2 people that did not know each other they only had a mutual friend. The mutual friend had connected them on social media. I’m going to protect their identity & use labels for their names.

Girlfriend A fell on some unexpectedly hard times. She had lost all her possessions and was starting over from scratch even with a home. She had been victimized by trickery, narcissism, and evil. Raise your hand if someone has ever tricked you out of everything you owned.

Girlfriend B had been blessed with more than enough. She had a great family that supported her and saw her parents bless others with gifts. She was a firm believer in paying it forward and carrying out her parent’s tradition. Not only did she give financial gifts but she gave the gift of time by listening. She gave her time by helping. She was a giver that had a heart bigger than her body.

The mutual girlfriend had connected the girlfriends through social media but they had never met. When girlfriend A fell on hard times, mutual girlfriend shared with girlfriend B about A’s hard times and how she felt so bad for her.

Girlfriend B felt she needed to help girlfriend A. She wanted to help her because she knew she needed help. B reached out to A and asked for her Venmo I. D… Girlfriend A was overwhelmed with tears of gratitude when girlfriend B deposited enough money into her Venmo account to change girlfriend A’s life.

I know this is a heartfelt, great story but get the moral of the story here. Moral #1…There are always angels in your midst. But guess what, they may not look like you, think like you, believe like you or you may have not even met them. We have to be open to everyone until they prove differently. If A never accepted B as a friend on social media then A would’ve never been blessed. And B would’ve never been blessed to give.

Moral #2…If A had been bitter from her misfortune and was shut down because of a pity party then she would’ve missed her blessing due to her shame, guilt, and anger.

Moral #3…If the mutual girlfriend didn’t feel so much compassion and empathy for girlfriend A then she would’ve never shared her misfortune with girlfriend B. Don’t dismiss your compassion and empathy and intuition. God also has messengers but you can only be the messenger if you’re open to being utilized for God’s purpose.

We can only be open to all things when we let go of judgment, let go of anger, and allow our love, compassion, and empathy to guide us. What blessings are we missing when we are not open to others? What blessing are we missing when we are not open to being utilized? I pray you find openness and allow your heart to guide you.

Do You Still Love Me?

Our value is never what people think of us for others’ thoughts are none of our business. Discovering our true value is knowing who we are in silence. That’s where you find your true self. It’s why many folks cannot sit in silence and be alone. Fear rises and they may discover they need work and help. And that’s just too much for some.

I was busy multi-tasking the other night. The television was on but I wasn’t listening to some guy interviewing another guy. That’s how much I was paying attention. Until the guy being interviewed said something that made me drop everything I was doing to listen.

He said “I was pitching for an MLB team and we were getting ready for the Wild Card games. My coach called me over and told me that he wasn’t going to need me to pitch.”He was just supposed to go home and watch his team on television.

It’s here I got teary-eyed and had a heart that was full of compassion for this guy. He said he called his dad and told his dad that he wouldn’t be pitching and then he asked his dad “Do you still love me?” He said as a child he built his value on pitching. His dad would tell him to practice pitching and not talk to his mom or siblings. He needed to keep practicing. So pitching became more important than talking to his mother.

He continued to say that was his wake-up call. That one incident woke him up to his value and it was not what his fans thought of him. He started searching for his authentic self and his true value.

He did pitch again in the World Series. He also found his spiritual path and what he truly loved doing that fulfilled him and that was producing music. His name is Barry Zito, and the team was the San Francisco Giants.

I resonated with his story in so many ways. Parents that show love through “approved actions” to a child are building that child to feel and believe their value is based only on the action. After 18 years of conditioning, the adult continues to believe that is who they are and that’s their worth. It’s why so many are walking around and don’t know who they are because they are their dad, their mother, not their true authentic self.

Great news! It’s never too late to find your true authentic self. Your true value is based on self-love. Not the love of your customers, fans, family, or friends. Never let someone place a price tag on you. You are not a garage sale piece, you are a diamond and your value just keeps increasing as you shine brighter and become clearer.

My Season of Suffering

The season of suffering and being in an unhealthy place often brings out compassion, empathy, love, and understanding as we start entering new seasons.

I was in a dark, unhealthy place in my life for a long period. I was suffering from the grief of lost loved ones not only to the grave but also those that had left me. The ones that had left me were equally as painful and in some cases more painful than those I had lost to the grave. This opened up my abandonment wound from over 40 years ago. There are no words for my pain.

But as I started to breathe again, rise from my ashes of grief, as I started to fight for life because I knew I had a purpose, I realized so much. I realized what others may have experienced with grief and loss. I felt more compassion and empathy for those that had lost family and friends to the grave or that had been left.

We will never understand what it’s like to lose a child until we lose one. We cannot imagine what it’s like for a person we love to walk out of our life until we have someone we love to walk out on us. We cannot identify with abandonment until we have experienced it. We only know what we have experienced. Until then it’s all imaginable with compassion.

I’m thankful for my season of suffering. I appreciate that I hit the bottom to understand what I had in me. My dark place brought a teacher to teach me what others have experienced and to give me more compassion for humanity as they suffer with their pain and wounds.

The Bible says in Ephesians to “always give thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to our God and Father.” I know it’s easier said than done but we must know that our grief, pain, and season of suffering can shed light on not only our wounds but identify with others. And isn’t that what it’s all about, is to help each other by extending our hearts with love, empathy, and compassion?

Keep going and keep growing on the journey to the land of “Healed”.

Soul Food

My shrink used to tell me to make sure to get my soul food. It took me a while to figure out what feeds my soul but I believe I’ve arrived.

Soul food doesn’t feed the ego, it feeds the spirit, body, and mind. It’s those things that you inhale, that make you feel alive. It’s what you crave for your happiness. It’s what fulfills your peace and solitude.

Soul food just like our nutritional food is a necessity. We must have it to be happy and bring out our best. If we don’t get it then we can become emotionally exhausted and weary from not getting the nutrition we need.

Since buying my new home, I pinch myself daily because not only am I living my dream, I am getting so much soul food. I wake up in a state of bliss as I look around and say “ah this is mine.” And then I remember, there’s more to see. I quickly put my robe on and step outside to see the most gorgeous sunrise coming up parallel to my balcony.

Then I put my clothes and shoes on and go outside. As I cross the street and walk down a hill, I see it, the scene that makes me inhale and just stop and be in awe. The picture doesn’t justify the beauty but it’s all I can share with you for now. That’s fog on a pond, sitting on a golf course that looks like a painting. It stops me in my tracks as I inhale the beauty.

I continue to feed my soul as I walk almost 3 miles to explore the green space in the city. And the dessert of soul food is staying in a thankful space. Staying grateful for all of it. Yes even when the teacher appears to teach us something. We refer to them as bad days. Sometimes those bad days that can turn into seasons of suffering are there to teach us, protect us, and at the very least make us appreciate the good days and good seasons.

I’m sharing this today because I pray and encourage you to find your soul food. And if you have already identified it, I applaud you for knowing what feeds your soul. We know it’s less about what the eye sees and more about what our soul feels.

Seeing is Believing

“You’ve got to be seen to be believed.” – a quote the queen said in regards to dressing in bright colors. There’s a lot of truth in that. Some people think if they cannot see it that it does not exist but even on cloudy days the sun is still there.

If only we could believe that it’s there even though we don’t see it. We believe as a child that the tooth fairy is there even though we don’t see them. But why do we stop believing in what we cannot see? Maybe because someone said “Prove it!” and we got shaken by the challenge that we couldn’t prove it and just stopped believing.

Believing, trusting, and having faith are all cousins to doors opening for us. It is sometimes those cousins that save us too. If Noah didn’t believe in God, trust that the flood was coming, and have faith that he and his family would be saved then he would’ve never built the ark.

And here’s the thing, you do not have to prove to anybody what you believe. It doesn’t matter how crazy it looks or sounds. If that is your belief, core values, or instinct then that’s all that matters. Everyone’s path looks different. We each have our journey and our assignment was not on a conference call.

I believe there are folks out there right now, possibly reading this that want to be more and do more but are scared that nobody will believe in them. The fear of failure or not knowing how to explain the mission is real. If you believe that’s what you are supposed to do then go for it. Jump and don’t be afraid to fall. So what if you do, the guy next to you is too scared to try their mission. If you wanna be believed then be seen.

From Loving to Leaving

Not everyone will like or love this version of you. You will notice folks get quieter when you start setting boundaries and living life for you. Phone calls and visits get further apart and eventually, communication just stops. They’ve gone from loving you to liking you to leaving you because you started standing up for you.

I evaluate my relationships from time to time, basically when I have time. Many have fallen out of my life in the last 2 years because I stopped giving. I stopped giving myself, my time, my money, and my life to them. I started saying things like, “the road travels both ways, come see me.” They didn’t. I started saying, “the phone rings both ways, call me.” They never called me. The 80/20 stopped. I stopped giving 80 for them to only consistently give 20.

The way my life is going, it’s moving pretty fast. Today I may be driving a Toyota and tomorrow I may be driving a Rolls Royce. When you get on your path of high vibration and you know that it’s your time and season of return from losses, nothing surprises you. The only ones surprised are the ones you lose.

And all that has happened to me and for me is all because of one thing, I stopped putting my energy into others and started putting it into me and protecting my boundaries. It’s not exclusive to me, it’s for you and everyone. All we gotta do is just wake up every day and focus on ourselves. We are not here to make others comfortable or happy.

And if you believe you need that one person or anyone to feel fulfilled, well you don’t. Trust me on that one. You got you and that’s all you need. Take care and love you and watch what happens.

Your Voice, Your Boundaries

Keeping our mouths shut to keep the peace is not always keeping the peace. It may keep peace on the surface but on our insides, our well-being is not at peace. Choose your battles wisely but don’t stay silent to make others comfortable. Your boundaries are your priority!

I had a neighbor introduce me to another neighbor the other day. We all walked together one morning this week. As we walked we talked about a multitude of things. I noticed the new neighbor would interrupt me when I spoke and wouldn’t let me finish my thought.

The 3rd time she did it, I kept talking and then I said, “I wasn’t finished talking. Before you interrupted me I was going to finish my sentence with this…” and I continued my thought. I told her in the kindest tone I could find that she was rude and inconsiderate and she felt her words were more important than mine because she talked over me.

The old version of me would’ve kept my mouth shut to make peace with the new neighbor but this new version of me no longer bites my tongue to keep others comfortable.

After speaking up and protecting my boundaries, she felt uncomfortable enough that she cut her walk short with us. I made no apologies for standing firm. Interrupting folks is just plain rude. It’s a character flaw that says your words are more important than others. Trying to finish people’s thoughts or sentences because you’re too impatient to wait is also an issue.

Just a reminder that you have the right and the ability to protect your boundaries. Respect has lost its way in our society but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost your self-respect. Stand firm and deeply planted but pick your battles wisely. For it is the palms that sway that survive the storms. Not the Oaks that break and splinter when the wind blows.

Above All Else

I’ve heard this scripture since I was a child. I didn’t learn it in public school, I didn’t learn it from my parents, or my sibling. I suppose I learned it in Sunday school or from a pulpit but wouldn’t it be wonderful to learn it in public school, maybe have a class on it? Things society does not teach us. Because haven’t we all had our hearts broken, hurt, stepped on, crushed?

I’ve had my share of heartaches and heartbreaks. Opening our hearts allows for vulnerabilities. Love cannot exist unless we are vulnerable but how can we be vulnerable and guard our hearts at the same time?

I believe that once we know the red flags 🚩, once we’ve had our hearts broken by those that are toxic, it is our job to guard them. The scripture says “Above all else”, the boldness and strength of those words are as loud as thunder. That means let nothing come between you and your heart.

Once we know who someone is, believe them! Quit making excuses for their behavior. Stop trying to help them. If they want help, they’ll seek it. If they want help from you, they’ll ask you and apply it to their life, not just talk about it. Healing is their responsibility and nobody takes the step of getting better until THEY are ready.

Our hearts are our temples. It is why certain religions adopt the doctrine of not eating meat or swine because it’s unhealthy for our hearts. It’s why Christians believe that it’s where God lives. It’s why there are disclosures on cigarettes, vaping, and tobacco products because it’s toxic to our hearts. Think about it, it’s the most important organ in our body.

I pray that we have the wisdom to know who has bad intentions to hurt our hearts. I pray we have ears to hear and eyes to see the toxic red flags that bring on heartbreak. I pray we can follow our instinct and give thanks for all things that detoured us from heartbreaks. I pray that we guard our hearts above all else.