Something to Cry About

We’ve all heard the title come from our parents or a caretaker’s mouth. Children cry and complain over the simplest things and as adults, we know a lot of times it’s not that serious and within minutes the child has forgotten about it by being distracted by something wonderful.

Sometimes that inner child in us still exists when it comes to crying and complaining. It happened to me the other day I started complaining about something that is wearing me out but as soon as I spoke the words I stopped in my tracks and apologized for complaining when on the spectrum of issues, mine wasn’t that serious.

God reminded me that it wasn’t that serious because didn’t I just get news that one of my best friends just suddenly lost her dad to suicide. Our pain is our pain and we cannot compare emotional pain but if you want to stop the crying and complaining over the simplest things then just look around you on who’s really suffering.

Suffering is not getting to go on vacation, it’s not getting that restaurant reservation, it’s not even getting things on your timetable. The timetable comes from the divine and when it’s time, it will happen. We must trust the timing to protect us, the speed bump to slow us down, the yield sign to make us look before we go and remember the red light won’t stay red forever.

Train your brain to be thankful for all things. It’s the only way to avoid the teacher giving you something to cry about. If you think it’s bad, it can always be worse.

Money Back Guaranteed

“Money Back Guaranteed” are strong words that get our attention. I worked for a hospitality icon years ago who put a sign on every restaurant table “Satisfaction Guaranteed or 110% Money Back Guaranteed”. This held every team member to a higher standard, from the dishwasher, making sure each wine glass was clean of lipstick to the hostess greeting all guests upon entrance. Our service and food were guaranteed or your money back plus 10%.

As consumers, we embrace those words because it gives us comfort in knowing that in the event we don’t like it or it changes from what we expect, then we are going to get a refund.

Unfortunately, many have the same expectations with people. Many expect people to change in what they want. If you meet someone with personality disorders, issues that you are not fond of, or habits that drive you crazy, you are not getting a refund on the relationship, friendship, or marriage. If you meet them with it, except that’s who they are, what they are, and if you cannot accept them then remove them. Expecting them to change or a money-back guaranteed is only you believing in your delusion. If you think you are going to get what you want or get better by them changing is a waste of our energy.

Accepting and loving people for who they are is the most wonderful gift you can give someone. We are all original like the snowflakes that fall in a blizzard. Just because each snowflake is different doesn’t make it less beautiful. Just because each one lands differently doesn’t give it less value. Accept your relationships for what they are and meet people where they are on their path. Friends, family, and relationships do not come with a money-back guaranteed policy.

Until I Can Breathe Again

I’ve been trying to find the words to express my thoughts and explain my feelings on my long-term breather. It’s difficult and it’s exhausting to even think putting my feelings into words. I happened to find them by one of my virtual favorites, Dr. Glenn Doyle.

“Sometimes we might have to push pause and take a break from people— even people who we like, and who like us.

It’s nothing personal— it has to do with our highly sensitive nervous system getting overstimulated. Overheated.

Sometimes we just need a breath. To get ourselves together.

Lots of people reading this are used to their nervous system being activated basically ALL the time.

Many people won’t understand the kind of toll even “normal” social interaction takes on you.

It doesn’t even matter if those social interactions aren’t particularly conflictual— just the fact that we need to be “on” for other people is what drains us.

The thing is, a lot of us ALSO have problems setting limits or taking time for ourselves.

We may desperately need some time and space— but have no practical idea how to make that happen.

You’re definitely not alone.

There is zero shame in needing to take some time to regroup. It doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks you “should” need that down time or not— you need what you need.

We’re not doing anyone around us any favors by redlining our nervous system all day, every day.

Push pause when you need to.

Regroup. Recenter.

Remember who you are and what you’re all about.

There’s a reason why they call it “recreation” — we’re literally re-creating our ability to function.”

I Had an Abortion

I cannot recall the exact year but it was sometime in the early 2000s, I was married and I didn’t want another child. After getting pregnant on birth control pills with my first and only child I opted for an I. U. D., as recommended by my physician. It was my only option to not get pregnant while also regulating my menstrual cycles that I had issues with since I was 12 years old.

It worked great, I felt secure and healthy until one night I was alone and I woke up in excruciating pain. More pain than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m not a sickly person, never had a broken bone and only 2 surgeries. It was a 10 on a scale from 1-10. I rolled to the side of the bed, touched the floor with my extended arm, and held my weight with my hand while I rolled to the floor. I crawled to the bathroom. I managed to prop myself up on the toilet and as I looked down all I saw was red. Blood was pouring out of me. I was in so much pain that the blood only seemed normal at this point. I knew something bad was wrong.

I made an emergency appointment with my OB/GYN to learn that I had a tubal, ectopic pregnancy. God saved my life that night because, by all statistics and factors, I could’ve died as determined by my doctor. I proceeded with treatment including a DNC that was performed in the doctor’s office.

I continued with my I. U. D. for many more years and never had another pregnancy. I’ve thought about that time in my life often but every day since Roe vs Wade has been overturned. I’ve thought and cried over what young girls and women will do if a DNC can’t be performed because by today’s standards it’s considered abortion. Will they die unnecessarily and unjustly because a law says it’s killing a baby? My baby was already dead. That’s what red was pouring out of me.

I haven’t researched it but I’m sure there are millions of women with an active I. U. D. . Mine lasted up to 10 years. Is there now gonna be a rush for women to take them out despite the other positive factors they contribute? And who pays for that? In 2020 over 10 million women didn’t have insurance.

If the Roe vs Wade law had been overturned that night, I may not be writing this now. I may be dead and leaving my only child who was then in elementary school. He would’ve grown up without a mother who died unnecessarily because individuals allowed their religious convictions to make a law. I believe it’s immoral to allow women to die while they are trying to be responsible and I believe it should be illegal to allow any man or government to tell a woman what she can/can’t do with her body and her baby. That’s between her and God. What a woman or couple chooses to do is none of our business.

Anti-abortionists want to utilize the scripture “Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.” Proverbs 24:11 against abortion has nothing to do with abortion. It has to do with saving those who die unnecessarily like George Floyd, Ahmed Aubrey, and the men at the Capitol. Rescue means to save someone from a distressing or dangerous situation. Help those staggering towards death. The first clause in the Bill of Rights states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” We can have religious law or we can have man’s law, a constitution, but both cannot simultaneously exist.

If you’ve read my blog, followed, or subscribed to me then you know I don’t get political and won’t get political. I will though share my personal stories that I pray helps someone. Helps someone know you are not alone and helps someone see the gross liability of reversing this “law”.

Hope is the Substance

I recently listened to a sermon by T.D. Jakes on Faith. He referenced Hebrews 11:1 in his sermon. It’s a scripture that I’ve heard all my life but as he broke it down in his special way, it spoke to my soul. Stirred so much within me that I have so far listened to it 5 times.

Hope is the substance of faith. Let me break that down. The substance is the material that makes the matter and in this reference, hope is what breeds faith.

As I shared with a friend recently, if you lose hope you cannot have faith. Hope is the substance and anytime we believe that it’s hopeless even for a split second, we are extinguishing our faith. We must protect our hope no matter what it looks like or what it costs us.

We must be careful what we expose ourselves to that will make us believe it’s hopeless. The news is the best source for making us believe the world is hopeless. I know in recent news that many women feel hopeless. I understand as it’s a story very close to my heart and personal. But feeling hopeless is just a feeling. Thinking it’s hopeless is just a thought. Feelings and thoughts both pass. Believing it’s hopeless is diminishing your faith. And in your faith, there is a fight. The fight to keep hoping, keep believing, and keep pressing on to better days.

Believing that something is hopeless is also a distraction because while we are wallowing in our sorrows or pity party, life is still going on and we sometimes miss opportunities because we are so focused on the hopelessness. As I have written before, a drowning man doesn’t know if anyone else is drowning and doesn’t care because all he can think about is himself drowning. Meanwhile, he’s missed opportunities to save himself because he cannot focus on anything but drowning.

Don’t buy into hopelessness. Guard yourself against the news, negative Nancy, Debbie downer, social media, phone calls, and texts. If any of these bring hopelessness, remove it. Our hope and our faith are more important than any of these things. Don’t get distracted and miss opportunities that may never come again.

You Think You Know

I frequently hear people say “I would’ve” in reference to comparing themselves to an individual. The mindset of saying you would’ve not done it that way or said it that way or thought that way has zero to do with you. Just because you haven’t experienced it or just because you have experienced it and you did it differently doesn’t mean anything.

Allowing our ego, and our righteousness to judge others when we have never walked in their shoes says more about you than the person you are judging. Just because you think you can relate doesn’t mean you are relating.

Growing up with love and support looks a lot different than survival mode. If you have never been in survival mode then you don’t know what you would do, say or think. If you are not a person of color and you will never be a person of color then you have zero ideas how it feels to be treated differently in a white world. If you are a man then you’ll never know how it feels to be a woman. If you are a heterosexual then you do not know the hearts and minds of the homosexual.

Just because we think we know what it’s like doesn’t mean we know what it’s like. I’ve often imagined what I would do if I was homeless. I think I know what I might do but when it comes to walking out the door with the clothes on my back and that’s all, I know I don’t know what I would really do.

If we want to show real love and walk like Jesus walked when he was on earth then we have to let go of judging and condemning everyone for things we don’t know and probably will never know. Just because you think you know does not mean you know.

I Am Weary

The definition of weary is: exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness.

Depending on what website you believe, the word “weary” is mentioned up to 96 times in the Bible. The writers identified a lot with it and so does this writer. Feeling weary is more than being physically or mentally tired. It’s a call for your soul to rest. Without rest, we diminish everything from creativity to burnout. We can even have a lapse in judgment and compromise our integrity.

What is proven if you don’t allow your soul to rest? Constantly pushing in every corner of your world accomplishes nothing. It’s a self sabotaging behavior when we don’t acknowledge what we need. Acknowledging our inner state allows for spiritual awakening and consciousness.

My soul is exhausted and lacks freshness. When I analyze what is making me weary as I have removed the news and toxic relationships from my life, I find that part of my weariness is social media wears me out. It’s an ongoing fight in my spirit. I go between I need to reach someone who needs to hear my words from the divine and I don’t want to get on social media at all.

I’ve decided to take another break. I will continue to blog and my blog will automatically post to the Dealing to Healing Facebook and Twitter pages. This time I will check those accounts and reply to comments and messages. If you are not following on the social media pages, I encourage you to do so due to this may become permanent. If you are not signed up for my blog to come directly to your email then please go to https://dealingtohealing.com/sign-up/ to subscribe.

I appreciate each and every of you. Please know your unwavering love and support is embraced and is the wind beneath my wings that keeps me flying. Thank you!

Comfort Breeds Complacency

Being comfortable often breeds complacency and it will mess your life up in every corner. From the bedroom to the job, if you are complacent you will eventually lose.

T.D. Jakes spoke on complacency last Sunday and he made so many valid points that it’s too many for me to share but I want to highlight the five points he made on complacency.

  • You are complacent when you are no longer striving to do your best. If you can’t do your best in all areas then drop some areas in your life. Stretching yourself too thin compromises quality so drop the quantity.
  • You’re operating off an old playbook. What was good then might not be good now. If you have been married for 20 years and you have the same bedroom nighty from your honeymoon then ladies y’all better get down to Hustler Hollywood and get with it or someone else will.
  • Not seeking to take advantage of new opportunities. Passing up opportunities to invest in yourself will get you looked over, passed over every time. Learn a new skill, take a class, and invest in yourself.
  • You are not maintaining contacts or relationships that help you grow. Your new friends ought to make your old friends uncomfortable. Keeping the same circle stunts growth.
  • You don’t risk sharing your opinions or ideas for fear of being wrong. If you never speak up then you become a sheep and are happy just following the herd. Great leaders and groundbreakers openly share their ideas.

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth. Revelation 3:16

Complacency is the same as lukewarm. It’s the same as okay. You’re not hot but you’re not cold. You’re not doing good but you’re not doing bad.

I worked for an icon in the hospitality business when I was in my 20s. He had a rule that we must not ever ask a guest if everything is okay. We were to ask “How is everything?” because asking one if “it’s okay” equated to mediocre. He never wanted his food or service to be mediocre.

Being mediocre, okay, and complacent will compromise opportunities. Don’t miss your next dot, your purpose, your assignment, by being too comfortable and not growing.

Jonah

When I first viewed this cartoon image, I chuckled but then I said “truth”. There is much truth in this if you see it as an analogy for life.

Have you ever felt swallowed up and can’t get reception for help? I’ve been swallowed up in fear, anxiety, worry, and depression to the point that I couldn’t get reception outside of the bubble, the plastic film I felt I was trapped in.

I even felt that I couldn’t get a signal from God to help me. There is no worse feeling than the feeling you are all alone in the bubble that nobody can help you and you’re not even sure God is there.

Is anybody resonating yet? If you are there now or you’ve been there, I am sorry! I know the pain. I’m here to tell you fear is a liar! Fear will tell you that nobody cares about you or loves you. Lie! Fear will tell you there is no God and he doesn’t exist so therefore he can’t help you. Lie! Fear will tell you you’re not going to make it so give up. Lie!

Every feeling of fear, anxiety, depression, and worry comes from our past. It started from your conception that your mother gave you in the womb. Some call it generational curses but they are not curses. They are lies passed on from your mother, your mother’s mother, and her mother. They innocently passsed this to you with good intentions.

Just like Jonah getting swallowed up, you believe you’ve been swallowed up. You are not buried, you are planted. You think you’re in the cemetery but you’re in a garden. The garden of life. Trust me, if you pray for 3 days as Jonah did, you’ll see. While in that bubble of suffering, take 3 days of solitude. I mean nothing but silence. Shut it all down and pray to a God that does exist. A God that does hear you. A God that answers prayers. What do you have to lose?

I don’t know who this is for but know that you are loved. If you leave this life, you will be grieved and missed more than you can imagine. There is hope and that’s why you are still here. There is a purpose for you and that’s why you are still here. You have not been swallowed. There is a reception and there is a signal. I pray you believe me and know you are loved.

Eckhart Tolle at Fox Theatre

When something is meant to be, you cannot stop it. It’s going to show up when you are not attached and as one might say, “when you are not looking for it or least expect it.” And that is how it works.

Last week I ran across that Eckhart Tolle was coming to the Fox Theatre in Atlanta. My first thought was “Wow! I’d like to see him”. He’s been talked about by my shrink since 2009. She has told me to “acknowledge” more times than I can count. As I started looking at ticket prices I said “Wow” again but this time with an ouch behind it. They were more than I expected and a little out of my budget.

I looked a couple of times at the tickets on a couple of ticket websites. I looked and then put the thought aside and did not become attached to it. Just filed it to the side.

This past Tuesday evening I replied to someone on Instagram and after replying I scrolled up to check my feed. And there it was, my direct invite to Eckhart Tolle. It came in the form of an ad that said “Mothers Day Sale”, it was discounted tickets to his event at the Fox. Within 15-20 minutes, not only did I have tickets within my budget, but I also had valet parking. My ticket and valet parking was cheaper than the prices I originally saw when I first looked at ticket prices. Coincidental? I think not.

Every fiber in me knew I was supposed to be there to see him. It’s exactly what I needed for my soul and more confirmation that what I have experienced does exist in others and happened similarly. Eckhart confirmed that by telling a story about getting letters from prisoners who had suffered so much that their misery exploded into their awakening.

For 2 hours I inhaled every second of his talk. I took notes the entire time and stayed in the moment just savoring every minute. In the end, I felt the joyful tears fill up my eyes as I was so grateful that I had an opportunity to experience this moment. I am so grateful that God orchestrated it all for me to attend.

I’d like to end this story I’m sharing with you with one of the many favorite quotes by one of my favorites.

Accept then act. Whatever the present moment contains except it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally; not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life. – Eckhart Tolle