Anger Management

The abandonment wound is real. When abandonment survivors are conditioned to self-abandon and leave themselves to not rock the boat, to meet someone else’s needs, to be loved, and/or to be accepted the lines can get blurred quickly.

Underlying rage and anger bleeds into fear and this is where it gets messy. We rather suppress the anger to go along, not rock the boat, to be loved and accepted or we explode like a volcano. Sometimes there’s no gray. It’s rather black or white. It’s what happens when we are not taught to express our feelings transparently.

It’s what happens when it’s one parent or caregiver’s way or no way. If we go against them we fear we’ve disappointed them or fear the wrath of not going along and the implications are just not worth it. It also happens when authority figures such as teachers, bosses, pastors, etc.. give us no room for our thoughts or feelings. Putting us in a box only makes us want to get out.

I have a vivid memory of a teacher that told me I had the worse penmanship ever. This was after she told the 5 kids in front of me that they were doing great. It was her opinion, her thought on my writing. She never asked me what I thought or how I felt about it. From that day on I stopped trying to improve. I thought “Who cares I’m already the worst.” Although I said nothing I hated that teacher from that day forward. Suppressing hurt and anger for fear of getting in trouble.

And just because we say nothing doesn’t mean the boiling pot isn’t boiling. It just hasn’t boiled over yet. It’s why we need to create safe spaces for people to express how they feel without fear of judgment or abandonment.

Then there’s the avenue of “Don’t leave me.” so we keep silent to be loved. This is where we let it roll off like water off a duck’s back. Emotional abuse continues as we endure our pain. We suffer until we decide we can’t suffer another day. Until we reach the point of no return or we rise from our ashes rebuilt like a Phoenix rising. Sometimes that can take more than half a lifetime because we are warriors. Suffering, pain, and endurance are in our DNA. Nobody knows anger management better than a child in an adult’s body with an abandonment wound. Sending hugs and love to every who gets this!

Published by Dana

Creative writer about my life and life lessons. Survivor of abandonment, addiction, narcissist relationships, and trauma. Still dealing while I'm healing. Thank you Jesus!

2 thoughts on “Anger Management

  1. Wow! Very powerful words and so hard to read and think about all the children and adults that experience this. I think we have most all experienced overbearing “religion” in churches. There is so much pressure on children right now with the TCAP tests because so many are great students but they do not test well. It is ruining our educational system and hurting our children.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I could write a book on religious trauma and pain from authority. I think those items along with financial trauma causes so much suffering. Our society puts so much emphasis on “what we must have” to be accepted, included & happy. Leaving out the millions that cannot afford what is advertised. As a whole we are on the wrong path. Our children are under too much pressure. Fire drills and tornado drills were scary for me. I cannot imagine “Active Shooter” drills. Thank you for your support and sharing your thoughts. 💕


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