I want to talk to the misfits. the rebels, the black sheep, the ones who may like me have felt like a fish out of water a majority of your life. I wanna tell you that you have skills! You can lead through your special DNA. I’ve always thought some of the best trailblazers were just a little off, a little crazier than the rest of us. I mean look at Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, they are all a little different.

I recently heard a talk about leadership and some of the points I’m about to make I hope you resonate with them if you have ever felt like you did not belong or didn’t fit in. One of the first signs of being a great leader and perhaps a trailblazer is you must be unorthodox. You must be willing to be a rulebreaker, not follow the status quo or not mimic the people that surround you.

If your need to be “liked” is greater than to be your authentic, misfit, crazy self then you may not be a leader of people but you are still a leader because everyone is called to be a leader, some just can’t follow the steps to be one so they must sit and wait on a leader. Since we are all created equal we all have favor and influence. Remember everyone you meet knows something that you do not know. Don’t dismiss anyone, no matter what role they play or what their name tag says. You never know who you are talking to.

We all influence some kind or type. Remember we never know who is watching but someone always is watching. But here’s the problem with America, we are in love with affluence more than influence. The stage is what gives you affluence but not necessarily influence. We want to glorify the light but not the leadership. We chase the people on the red carpet, not the ones who put them on the red carpet. But it’s the influence that makes a great leader and you must protect it with your audience or you’ll lose your affluence as well.

Too many people out there trying to be something they are not. As I said yesterday, narcissists fake it to make people think they made it. Trying to look apart with the car, shoes, watch, hair, nails, and tailor-made designer suits can only fool some people because the look never fools God who gives you the gift to start. God looks at the heart and you cannot produce what you are not! You cannot fake knowledge!

If you try to manage people, they will always leave you. People cannot be managed but procedures can be managed and measured. To be a good leader, you lead people, manage procedures, and measure. Because people and procedures are always changing. The only thing that stays the same in this life is death. If you are one to say, “well we have always done it this way”, you are losing right now. If you think “if it isn’t broken why fix it”, you are losing right now. You cannot be in love with old procedures because you can never opt out of change. Change is going to happen whether you vote for it or not. Stay stuck if you choose the rest of the world is moving ahead.

And as you build your tribe, your team, you need to know only one thing, do they have the same vision as you. If they do not align with your values, your dreams, and goals, their vision looks different than your vision, then you have division. If there is division then the ways must part. If they leave you, let them! Do not beg or ask anyone to stay with you. If they decide to do without you then you can do without them!

I hope you read something in this that resonated with you and gave you hope that you need to embrace your authentic, crazy, misfit self. Take your vision, dreams, and goals to the level you were born to do. Stay in your lane because the folks behind and beside you are doing the same you’re doing just maybe a little differently.

As you may know, I’ve been on a media detox for 31 days today. I’ve been in a great place, I’m at peace and happy. Since I’m not watching television I heavily rely on my internet. Watching YouTube motivational videos and music. So here I am happy, peaceful, and in my great place but then it happened, Comcast has gone out over 5 times this month! And every single time I’ve been patient and called my community representative for Comcast. But yesterday, when I woke up to not being able to get on my wifi, I lost it. I got mad, lost my patience, and let it consume me.

I had to go work out to work through my anger and try to figure out why it was such a trigger for me. First, I’m not a patient person but I’d been patient. I usually don’t lose my cool over something I can’t control but I had lost my cool and was hot. I walked 3 miles before I figured out the trigger that caused it to consume me.

I thought about the words of my shrink. She once told me that when I came into the world I looked around and said, “nobody knows what the hell they are doing.” It’s was a questionable moment when she told me and with her animated character, I laughed. It took some time for me to realize that being born to a narcissist and a set of parents that abandoned me, I was born into incompetency. See the narcissist is an adult stuck in the mind of a child. They have victim mindsets and play games like a child. Just because they are an adult does not mean they think like one. The narcissist is very immature in the mind and not emotionally healthy. They don’t know what they are doing but they do a great job of faking it until everyone thinks they’ve made it. They are incompetent which by definition means, not having or showing the necessary skills to do something successfully.

My shrink was right, I was born into “nobody knows what the hell they’re doing”. My parents were both faking it trying to make it as emotionally mature parents. I knew just as children and dogs always know the truth that my parents were incompetent. It’s because of their incompetency that I became independent at a very early age. I was living on my own by age 17. I had bought my first house by 23. I was in so many ways ahead of my friends when it came to street smarts and the school of hard knocks because I had no other choice but to survive my situation.

The trauma I experienced was my incompetent parents. My entire life I’ve used that word. It’s a trigger for me and always has been as far back as I can remember. I cannot tolerate when someone has no idea what they are doing but are looking the part. It’s why I’ve said, it’s better to be a thing than look like a thing. I don’t know about you but I want the guy that looks like a doctor to actually know what the hell he is doing on the operating table.

There are far too many folks that are faking it. They’re trying to look like a thing instead of being a thing. They have the look but not the skill set and the truth rears its head when a problem arises. Nothing worse for them because they look dumb, stupid, and incompetent. But also nothing worse for us born to narcissist parents. It’s the trigger that brings up the trauma that lets me know I now need to snuggle with that demon and recognize it before reacting to it moving forward.

I ran across this picture last week and have looked at it daily since I found it. It resonates with me because I believe that is me. That’s me writing in my comfy clothes, with my books, candles, and in a perfect world, a live plant. I’m not sure where I am. The buildings look somewhat familiar but I can’t place them. For now, I’m believing it’s the Georgia State Capitol building that has a gold dome. The story of how the gold dome got gold is due to the gold rush, and it was just that a rush in 1829 when gold was discovered in north Georgia, Dahlonega to be exact. Dahlonega is part of the Blue Ridge region, Cherokee country.

If I’m looking at it from a point of symbolism, I believe I’ve struck gold. I have found a gold mine in my life. I have found those with gold hearts, and gold within me. I also believe I am the God’s golden child. I’ve been picked to serve my purpose and help heal others. If you haven’t watched the movie The Golden Child with Eddie Murphy, I encourage you to watch it to make this more meaningful.

I want to believe that is a church or a spiritual temple beside it, to the right. It’s my place of hope, peace, tranquility, and love. It’s my source of being the best version of me. And see the moon? It’s the waning crescent that represents restoring your thoughts and intentions. Looks like the stars are lined up in my favor.

I’m going to continue to meditate and study this picture and see what else speaks to me but for now, I’m believing what I see and what resonates with me. As I have said many many times, pay attention to the signs. They are everywhere.

Lately, I have been feeling the conviction of ego. I feel I need to let my ego go to be more aware of my spiritual awareness and align with my instinct. God did not create us to impress people. If we do impress them, what’s the reward? Their opinion. It is far better to be a thing than to look like a thing.

Before my awakening and during my suffering of pain and grief, I did not put in a request to God that reflected my ego. I did not put in a request that put the focus on me. Why put the focus on me? I was a hot mess, I was in pain and suffering, what is it that I could do that would help someone else? I was holding on by a fiber of a thread. I was in the position of mercy. I said, “I will do whatever!” Whatever meant selflessness! It did not mean as the younger generations say today, “whatever” with an eye roll and talk to the hand. It meant I will be in a servant position. That’s what desperate people say, “I will do whatever” when they need a job. I’ll take whatever car, house, shoes, coat, or whatever is available.” Taking any reward or prize that is available.

Having the mindset of whatever is being open. It is a position in which you are a servant, a helper. Do you think the people that clean out the septic tank or pick up your trash look at it as an ego position? I doubt it. When the focus is on the ego, on the tangible, on look at me, what I did, where I am, where I went, what I bought. What is the point? To impress? Just because it temporarily fills your void does not mean it is impressive to your peers.

We can recognize when something comes from the ego because it never satisfies. Ego and humility cannot simultaneously exist. The ego prevents the apology. The ego prevents saying I made a mistake and correcting the behavior. It prevents the words and actions from matching.

Society keeps telling us that more is better. More tech gadgets, more followers, more “likes”, more cars, more trips. Even more, people that agree with me, believe like me, think like me are a stroke of the ego.

As a man once told Buddha

I want happiness. Buddha replied “First remove ‘I’, that’s ego. Then remove ‘want’ that’s desire. Now all you are left with is ‘happiness’.

I read this quote earlier in the month and wrote it down in my calendar because it spoke to me. I ran across it again and meditated on it. I realized that it is saying the same thing as Dr. Miller in The Awakened Brain. To perceive reality correctly that is fulfilling we have to use both awareness modes we are given.

One is our “achieving awareness” this is also known as our intellect. In Dr. Miller’s words, “Achieving awareness is necessary. It helps us move and chase the ball up and down the field.” It’s what makes logical sense to us. The commitment we need to make goals and how to get the goals. Study for an exam, complete a project, get somewhere on time. It’s our focus drive. “But when overused, or exclusively used, achieving awareness overrides and changes the structure of our brains, carving pathways of depression, anxiety, stress, and craving. When out of balance, achieving awareness is narrowly focused, unguided by the bigger picture, obsessed with the same track or idea, never satisfied, and often lonely and isolated.”

It’s why we need and have the second awareness called “awakened awareness” or instinct. In Dr. Miller’s words, “In awakened awareness, we don’t lose or forsake our goals. But we take off the blinders. We surrender our tight grip on a goal. We understand that life is a dynamic force that we can attune to and interact with. It’s no longer me against the world, or me treading upon the world, but me hearing what life has to say, aware that life is meeting me where I am. I still have wishes and desires and goals, I still experience disappointment and hurt—but I lean into the flow of life, paying attention to where doors open and close.” Now in T.D. Jakes words, “When you’re living by instinct, then you will naturally enhance everything and everyone around you. In other words, success will come naturally! When both your intellect and instincts are aligned, then producing the fruits of your labors brings satisfaction beyond measure.”

Who would have ever thought a preacher from West Virginia and a clinical scientist at Columbia University could be on the same page. I believe it’s because they know the secret to success and living a fulfilling life. If only I had been taught this in school. If only my son and you and your children learned it. It’s been there the whole time. It’s why Noah built the ark. It’s never too late to start all over. Thankful that I learned something new.

Some years ago my shrink recommended a book called, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Talk about a challenging self-help book. The 4 agreements are for us to learn, know and practice to help us not to suffer in vain. All suffering is not necessary.

The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. I believe that is hard for most of us. Not saying things against ourselves, not just in an audible voice but to ourselves. Beating ourselves up over shame and mistakes shouldn’t have any room in our lives. And when we tell someone something, speak with integrity and follow through with your word. I find a lot of wishy-washy people, especially in business.

The second agreement is not to take anything personally. This one is the biggest challenge for me. I have to repeat the lesson that not everyone thinks like me, believes like me, has a heart like me and what they do has nothing to do with me. If they pick chocolate and I expect them to pick vanilla, that’s on me for having the expectation and taking it personally. Nothing anybody does is because of you. It all has to do with them. I find the childhood wounds and past traumas come up to the mic and speak when we take things personally.

The third agreement is don’t make assumptions. Again if I assume you are going to pick vanilla and you pick chocolate, I assumed it. It may be because that has been your pattern for 20 years. It may be because I didn’t ask you. Asking questions always will get you clarification if the other side tells you the truth. Lack of communication is the foundation of misunderstandings, miscommunication that can lead to drama and lots of mixed emotions.

This last one is my favorite. It’s the one I’m currently embracing and hugging daily. Always do your best. Our best changes daily. Sometimes it changes hour to hour or minute to minute depending on what’s happening in our lives. My best looks like a rollercoaster at Six Flags. Some days I’m doing great with lots of energy and feel like I’m 20. Some days I’m tired, pushing myself, and feeling all of a 1/2 century old. All I know is I’m doing my best both days and it’s not for me to judge or speak against myself or anyone else to judge it or speak against it.

I highly recommend this book. I’ve had to go back to it several times and remind myself that these are the four agreements that will keep me from suffering needlessly.

It’s my last week for my media detox. In the short time I have shut down social media and television, I have found more peace and acceptance than ever before in my life. I am just allowing whatever it is, letting it be and that is how peace comes, being drama free.

I am so focused on me and my journey that I feel like I’m watching a movie when things happen around me. I look at it as if I’m watching it and I don’t have control over it. I don’t have the channel changer. I’m not in charge of this one or that one. I’m only in charge of me. I’m allowing the shift I feel because I know it’s for my greater purpose.

As the posts under my deck shift, become weak and start to fall away, I know the posts that remain are strong and they will hold me up and not allow me to fall. I know that acceptance is the only way to be if I trust the divine plan and the path paved before me. I remembered many are for what I am for or what I am against and only a few are for me. Read Are you Constituents, Comrades and Confidants if you haven’t so you know what I am saying exactly.

My accomplishments, goals and vision board are being fulfilled like never before in my life. I have more checks by my workout, sleep, water, quiet time, writing daily, seeing new contacts and maintaining my calorie intake. I’m rested, I’m not stressed or anxious about anything. I’ve went through boxes of tea, bottles of bubble bath, multiple candles, read 1 book and half way through 2 more. Learned every song on a whole album. Music soothes my soul. Someone asked, “how are you doing?” I replied without hesitation, “I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”

Maybe they are right. Ya know “they” the people that tell us what’s really happening. And what’s really happening is social media is a tool and tools can repair things but they can also destroy things. Hammers can help or hurt depending on the user. I’m going to need to reconfigure my tool box come February 1 when I come back on social media. This life I’m living is just too good.

From May-August of 2021, I cried more than I ever have in my life. I cried daily, I had cries of pain from grief and losses. My heart and soul were suffering. When I went on my healing journey and attended The Potters House church in Dallas Texas, I cried the entire service. If my mask could talk, it held every tear that fell. It was soaking wet. There’s an idea, someone needs to invent a waterproof mask.

I have often questioned why I cried so much that day and during that period in my life. Today, I know that I was transitioning. I was transitioning from my old world of suffering, loss, and grief to my new world of awakening.

The reason we cry is that we are moving into another dimension. A baby cries when he is born. When he is moving from the womb to the world he is moving into a new dimension. If the baby doesn’t cry then everyone gets nervous. The baby suffers passing through the womb, the pulling, the forceps, the mom pushing the newborn out. It’s hard, it’s labor, it’s suffering. But as soon as the baby is out and he is in his new dimension, he cries. The awakening is in the suffering.

Society doesn’t want us to suffer. They want us to extinguish the pain. We are addicted to being pain-free. Let me say it again, we are addicted to being pain-free. We have more substance to kill pain than ever before in my lifetime. When I was a child, we had Joseph’s children’s aspirin, Bayer aspirin, and Goody’s powders. Today we do not have sections of over-the-counter pain medicine, we have aisles. Opioid addiction is the number one killer in this country. It’s more than war and car accidents. Liquor stores have gone from mom-and-pop locally owned stores to megastores. Weed is legal or a misdemeanor in most states. Obesity is a sign that we are eating our feelings. We are losing the war on drugs every single day.

I understand wanting to be pain-free. I extinguished my pain for decades. Extinguishing pain through substance, food, sex, shopping, or whatever your vice is, is not getting you to the next dimension. We cannot awaken when we numb the suffering. We must feel the pain, the grief, and snuggle with our demons to go to the next level in our life. And crying is part of going into the next dimension.

Your destiny is in your tears. Let it go! Stuffing your suffering is only prolonging your next dimension. You may cry for a day, a week, a month, or months but when it’s over, get ready. Get ready for your awakening and get ready for your next dimension. I don’t know who needs to hear this or read this but I pray you to receive it and cry your way to your awakening, to your freedom, and to the next dimension that is waiting for you.