Lately, I have been feeling the conviction of ego. I feel I need to let my ego go to be more aware of my spiritual awareness and align with my instinct. God did not create us to impress people. If we do impress them, what’s the reward? Their opinion. It is far better to be a thing than to look like a thing.
Before my awakening and during my suffering of pain and grief, I did not put in a request to God that reflected my ego. I did not put in a request that put the focus on me. Why put the focus on me? I was a hot mess, I was in pain and suffering, what is it that I could do that would help someone else? I was holding on by a fiber of a thread. I was in the position of mercy. I said, “I will do whatever!” Whatever meant selflessness! It did not mean as the younger generations say today, “whatever” with an eye roll and talk to the hand. It meant I will be in a servant position. That’s what desperate people say, “I will do whatever” when they need a job. I’ll take whatever car, house, shoes, coat, or whatever is available.” Taking any reward or prize that is available.
Having the mindset of whatever is being open. It is a position in which you are a servant, a helper. Do you think the people that clean out the septic tank or pick up your trash look at it as an ego position? I doubt it. When the focus is on the ego, on the tangible, on look at me, what I did, where I am, where I went, what I bought. What is the point? To impress? Just because it temporarily fills your void does not mean it is impressive to your peers.
We can recognize when something comes from the ego because it never satisfies. Ego and humility cannot simultaneously exist. The ego prevents the apology. The ego prevents saying I made a mistake and correcting the behavior. It prevents the words and actions from matching.
Society keeps telling us that more is better. More tech gadgets, more followers, more “likes”, more cars, more trips. Even more, people that agree with me, believe like me, think like me are a stroke of the ego.
As a man once told Buddha
I want happiness. Buddha replied “First remove ‘I’, that’s ego. Then remove ‘want’ that’s desire. Now all you are left with is ‘happiness’.