Number six on The Power of Self Love list by Louise Hay is Praise Yourself.

She says Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

This one is challenging for me. I’m working on it because I was trained from birth to praise the parent. That’s why I believe I do a much better job encouraging others. For anyone who grew up with a narcissist caretaker then you know I’m getting ready to tell you that praising yourself was not encouraged as a child. You’re too focused on praising the caretaker. The narcissist parent is the one who must be praised. The only time the child is praised is when they align with the narcissist image, rules, and honor the system.

That said if you are not used to praising yourself then it may seem very foreign to you. But we must embrace it and praise ourselves for our achievements. I started a little mind game recently. Every time I work out I put an imaginary dollar in an imaginary bank and say you did good working out today. Here’s a dollar. I’m saving those imaginary dollars for a real prize. I’m not sure what my prize is going to be yet but it’s going to be something that awards me out of my ordinary.

I encourage you to praise yourself in any way you can. We must acknowledge our power as we have the power to do more than we believe we can do. God uses everyone to help others and in that there is power. Remember he lives in us and we are made in his image and that is very powerful. Praise yourself because you are worthy!

Continuing with Louise Hay’s podcast highlights on The Power of Self Love. I’m doing a great job, pretty proud of myself, I’m accomplishing my goal. If you are reading this and thinking “Wow! When did she become so prideful?” That’s not pride, that’s number 4 on The Power of Self Love list, Be Kind to Our Mind.

If we only spoke to ourselves as we spoke to others, we would game-change mental health. Learning to be kind to your mind is so important. I’m learning to just not think of anything. We have enough going through our heads that we cannot shut off permanently but we can temporarily. How often does our mind jump from work to our children, our grandchildren, our friends? We are thinking of things we did at work or forgot to do, then we think of other people’s problems, we ruminate until we fall asleep, and then wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it again.

You have permission to be selfish right now. Make the time, find the time, to do you. Take it to sit in silence and think about nothing. Dr. Wayne Dyer suggests that we meditate by looking at or imaging a countdown clock, similar to an NBA clock that starts at 24 and counts down to zero. If we think of anything during the countdown then we start over at 24. I’m not there yet but I’m trying.

My way is a little different, remember what works for one doesn’t work for all. During my media detox, I took a lot of baths. Up to 3 a week. I found that getting in the tub without a phone grounds me from doing anything. I can’t jump up and do laundry, clean the kitchen, answer a call or text, or read. I’m sitting in silence, sometimes some music in the background with no lyrics, and I’m practicing not to think about anything. When I do this, I find I’m being kind to my mind by giving it a break. It’s not stressing, worrying, thinking, or problem-solving.

I hope you understand the importance of being kind to your mind. Hopefully, you will find your way to shut out everything and think of nothing. Allow your inner wisdom from your soul and spirit to speak to you. Pray to God and wait for answers. Tell yourself affirmations and hug yourself. I cannot say it enough love yourself!

I am trying my best to stay on track with my commitment to y’all about Louise Hay’s podcast regarding The Power of Self Love but if you’ve followed me long enough you already know I blog from my heart and soul. When it comes up, most of the time it has to come out. Why? Because I believe it is a word for someone. Not only am I speaking to myself but it applies to someone else.

This is what I want to tell y’all. There are some people so unhappy and they’ve been so unhappy for so long that they forgot what happiness feels like. Have you ever waited too long? You waited years to take that vacation, eat at your favorite restaurant or attend your favorite event. All you remember is it felt good, it was fun and exciting. But it’s been so long that you have forgotten the exacts of the moment. You have forgotten the details of it.

I believe that’s how unhappy folks are when it comes to finding their happiness. They’ve been unhappy for so long and so miserable for so long that they have forgotten the details and benefits of being happy.

Here’s the thing…you know them, I know them. Always complaining to everyone, even on social media. They are mad about the news, gas, the electric bill, their kid’s teacher, life in general. Nothing is good in their life. It’s not that they have that many bad things happening in their life, it’s they cannot recognize the good because they are just not happy. They may say “thank ya Jesus” for the moment but wait….there it is, another complaint.

I cannot help them, you cannot help them. The first step in recovery for anything is wanting it. If you want to be happy then you will find it within you. Nobody is going to make the news pleasant, lower the price of gas or your electric bill just because you complain. Most of the time complaints fall on deaf ears anyway. I encourage everyone to find happiness. Meditate on the times and periods in your life when you were happy. It’s still there just like your vacation, restaurant or event, just make your way back to the vividness of it and you’ll find it. Let’s all find our happy!

I wanna pick up where I left off on Friday about Louise Hay’s podcast regarding The Power of Self Love. Another one on her list is Be Gentle and Kind with Yourself.

I think as a woman that women are especially hard on themselves. We feel that we must do everything for everyone or we will disappoint someone. We take on more than we need to take on and leave no space for ourselves. We commit to taking the cupcakes to school, taking our parents to the doctor’s appointment, picking up a sick grandchild, working overtime to get the job done, helping a friend in need, and the next thing you know we have left zero time, energy and often money for us.

We must take care of ourselves by being gentle and loving. We mustn’t exhaust ourselves because we can’t pour from an empty cup. If we are drained from doing for everyone else, we have no energy for ourselves. It’s okay to say “no”, to hold boundaries so that you can take care of yourself. You don’t have to answer every phone call or text message. People will wait or call the next person to help them solve their problems.

Be patient with yourself because immediate gratification doesn’t mean it will last. That includes quick weight loss diets and wrinkle creams. Embrace who you are and love yourself as you love others. Hug yourself, tell yourself that you’re doing the best you can, you’re doing great and you’re allowed to struggle. Love yourself first and others will love you!

I’m working on a personal project this month. I interviewed several people to partner with during my project. I was first guided to those that qualified because there was only a select few and then I trusted my intuition on who I felt I should partner with.

As I interviewed I also tested them for integrity, motivation, and professionalism. One lady said Can I call you back tomorrow? I replied “yes”. and then she said if I forget, will you call me? My response was “no, that’s part of your test, if you don’t call me, I will not call you.” She never called me and she didn’t get the part.

Sometimes we have to test people to see if they are qualified to be in our life, to see if they can earn a part. Our time and energy should not be easily given. Giving ourselves away to those that don’t appreciate our efforts often gets us taken for granted. Some assume just because you’ve always been there that you’ll stay there. Not true! We do outgrow relationships.

My shrink has done many forecasts on my relationships and has predicted that I would outgrow this one or that one. Because I couldn’t see my growth I have often dismissed her wisdom. Her predictions have almost always come true. She’d see that I was growing and the other person was not but was essentially only holding on to me to their benefit and holding me back if I stayed in the relationship.

That’s why now, I often give tests. Are you worthy enough for my time and energy? Are you going to prove that you want to be in a relationship with me? If we test and they fail the test, release them in love. We shouldn’t be upset, disappointed, or angry because it is just a sign that it’s not our person. They may have been at one time but maybe their season is over. Accepting that we’ve outgrown a relationship should be as simple as a plant outgrowing its pot. Eventually, the plant must be moved or it will die. We must remember if we don’t move forward on our path and embrace growth including outgrowing relationships, we will stunt ourselves emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. We should never stunt our growth or pause on our path to wait on others to catch up. Give tests and see if they can pass and deserve a part in your life.

For years I’ve known about Louise Hay. My shrink introduced me to her affirmation cards and often referred to her in our sessions. She has passed now but her legacy continues. I recently listened to one of her podcasts. She talked about the power of self-love. She listed ten things that can help you to embrace who you are and love yourself. I’ll be writing about them over the next few days.

First, she said Stop Criticizing Yourself. When we visualize the worst about us and allow our insecurities to speak to us, this is not a form of self-love. I often hear people call themselves dumb, stupid, fat, and criticize their minds and body. If you wouldn’t say it to your mother or best friend then don’t say it to yourself.

I believe that being hard on ourselves and telling ourselves that we don’t look good, we didn’t sound good or we messed something up is our inner wound coming out. Maybe you were called names as a child or you were bullied. Maybe you were just like me and not called names but just not encouraged or given compliments by caretakers and adults.

Insecurities have underlying stress. We are stressed wanting to know if we are enough and making comparisons just makes it worse. Please don’t call yourself names, beat yourself up for mistakes, and quit making comparisons. God doesn’t make mistakes and he didn’t make one when he made you. You are always enough and you are special so please don’t compare. Love yourself!

I was listening to a podcast on empowering women recently. As this public figure told her story I felt compassion for her and much of it resonated with me. However, when she got to a certain part I started to shut her down and started feeling not good about what she was saying.

She started telling me what to do. What works for one doesn’t work for everyone. She said count to 5 and jump out of the bed in the mornings. This is where I started shutting down. I’ve never jumped out of the bed. I’m not a morning person and I embrace the comfort of a place that holds me, listens to my thoughts, feels my tears, and comforts me amid grief and pain. A lot of prayers have been said in my bed. I’ve learned that my bed is my chair to heal and write. I love my bed so I won’t be jumping out of it after counting to 5.

Next, she said, make it up so you don’t crawl back in it. Okay, I make my bed most days but there are days I don’t. I mainly leave it unmade as an open invitation to come back if I feel the need. Some days you just want an invitation of comfort. A made-up bed to me means off-limits. As a child I couldn’t sit on the bed nor was I allowed to get back in it after it was made up. Our bed should never be off-limits.

Needless to say, I didn’t feel very empowered when she finished. I do feel empowered knowing what works for me may not work for anyone else in the world. I know I’m as different and special as a snowflake. God doesn’t make any mistakes and it’s okay to accept who you are and not feel like you’re not doing it right because some public figure tells you how to do it. Embrace and love yourself.

I have finished my 3rd book for the year, The Power of Awakening; Mindfulness Practices and Spiritual Tools to Transform Your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It was an eye-opener and it resonated with me on so many levels. I believe I highlighted half the book but the items below are what I’d like to share with you. Hope it helps!

The more stress you have, the more the ego is controlling you. Anyone with stress is subject to rigid likes and dislikes. Such strict adherence means an absence of freedom for you, which can in turn manifest as countless stress-related illnesses. Why should any part of your life be at the mercy of the ego? It’s like turning control over to something outside of yourself, and of course the moment you do that you’re no longer free.

You have an absence of resentment. A resentful person is someone who finds occasions for offense almost all the time, tending to see it just about everywhere they go. Authentic freedom comes when you can go through your days and see such things not as occasions for resentment, but as the way they are. As for those things that you’d like to see changed, you can work at changing them without being self-absorbed. The more you meditate, the more peaceful you get, and the more you get to know the God force that is within all of us. You discover that the universe is on purpose, and all the things that are happening are part of God’s plan, even though you don’t understand them. I think one of the greatest insights you can have is that the Divine plan works and yours doesn’t. If it did, you wouldn’t be having any of these kinds of resentments or be so self-absorbed.

Not being attached to the outcome is really your higher self at work. When you are calm, patient, and compassionate, you respond to life with that very calmness, patience, and compassion. You become more productive and have more energy. The less you are attached to outcome and self-absorption, the more energy you have left over for what you’re here for in the first place. The ego says, “You must be concerned with everything.” The higher self says, “If you surrender, serve, go with the flow, have an overriding spiritual objective, and know that you are here for a purpose, there will not be time for what offends you.”

The ego wants you to live with fear, which is the opposite of love. As you tame your ego and leave behind your self-importance, you become focused on what you’re here for. Your energy is placed only on that, nothing more, and anything that anybody else says that’s in opposition to that will be seen as just where they are on the path. You won’t disagree or feel annoyed with them; as a matter of fact, you won’t even notice it because your energy will be concentrated solely on what you’re here for.

You won’t ever be lonely. When you don’t feel any void within you, it’s easy to love whom you’re alone with, which is your higher self.

You know that any problem you have is to be solved in the mind. Recognizing that it’s your own reaction causing you stress, anxiety, tension, fear, and pain is liberating. You understand: No one else has to change in order for my pain or struggles to go away. My ego tells me that others have to change in order for me to feel successful, happy, fulfilled, or whatever, but I know it comes down to how I process everything.