The other day I blogged “Out With The Old And In With The New”. I said you don’t have to feel guilty for choosing your holiday celebration even if you disappoint others. I said guilt is a time-waster. I mentioned it was another blog. I think the word “guilt” and the word “shame” get misconstrued often and are not clear definitions to many. This is how I heard it best.

Guilt is when you are bothered by something you did or didn’t do. It’s when you didn’t do the right thing for others. You didn’t pay back the money you borrowed, you lied to your friend, you feel bad. This is why I said it’s a time-waster. If you do the right thing, you won’t feel guilty. You should not feel guilty for living your best life, being your authentic self, and following your path. What you do best for you is nobody else’s business.

Note, toxic folks will do guilt trips making you think you did not do them right. Do not accept this form of manipulation or self doubting. It’s a tactic to control you.

Shame occurs when you think you are bad. You evaluate or judge yourself in a negative light. You take from doing bad to viewing yourself as bad. Shame comes from others not allowing us to be authentic selves and allowing us to be free. Shame is accepting blame from others. It cannot exist if we get compassion and understanding when we share our stories.

We have to be careful that we do not blend guilt and shame. We shouldn’t go from what I did is bad to I am bad. If you believe you are bad, not worthy, not good enough then you become impossible to love. If someone thinks you’re the greatest but you disagree and don’t think highly of yourself then you will push them away. We tend to push people away when we don’t agree. Another word that comes into play with this scenario is “worthless”. If you feel shame, you often feel worthless.

It’s time to let go of it! Release the shame that you accepted from others. You are not to blame for what happened. Let go of the guilt! You did what you had to do to survive. If you haven’t done someone right, make it right. Pay them back, ask for forgiveness, clean the slate, become fresh and new. God has forgiven you so why can’t you forgive yourself and others? Let’s go into 2022 clean by releasing shame, guilt, blame, and feeling worthless. Prayers for healing for all. ❤️

Before Christmas, I had this conversation with 2 tribe members. They voiced their disappointment with their holiday plans or lack of one should I say. They expressed how they wish it was different. I completely understood what they were saying, I too wish my Christmas was different. I wished my son’s father was still here and the traditions for my son could carry on. While I am very grateful for the blessings and substitutions we’ve experienced, holidays are never the same after a loved one passes. I can’t think of any worse pain than grief and it seems to compound on holidays. Empty chairs at the table and presents missing under the tree can leave a permanent hole in your heart.

I think this is how we have to view the passing of loved ones and traditions are gone. As I told my friends, when traditions can no longer continue, I think that’s our cue to start a new tradition. Although we will always miss the old, it’s time to update it, replace it with something that we look forward to doing. Looking forward to something can soothe the pain. And I don’t care what it looks like, it doesn’t have to be traditional with a tree and presents, it can be a trip to the beach, a cruise, passing out goody bags to the homeless. It’s your holiday, you get to celebrate it however it makes you happy.

Please note the new tradition that makes you happy may disappoint your family or adult children but it’s okay, you are allowed to disappoint people including family. We shouldn’t feel as we have to do something to keep from disappointing someone else. That’s called guilt and that’s a whole different blog story. Let me just say this, guilt is a time-waster.

I’m not sure who needed to hear this besides me and my 2 tribe members but I know there are more than 3 of us in the world that are grieving old traditions while trying to find our way to new ones that make us happy. It’s important to live our lives as we would imagine it including holiday traditions not as society or family tell us it should be. So let’s go ahead with acceptance of the past and hold it as a sweet memory. We now get to pick out a brand new tradition. How exciting! Our very own new tradition. Don’t stress over it, you have a whole year to figure out next December. Shall we put the travel agent on speed dial?

Day 4 of thinking about my vision board. Growth sounds great because we all want to grow and be better but it’s not easy to grow. Growth means outgrowing relationships with people we don’t want to let go of and letting go of old versions of ourselves. Not so easy! Much like the security blanket, I blogged about some time ago. No matter how raggedy, threadbare, ugly, dirty that blanket is we don’t want to let go of it, even if it’s not serving the purpose of keeping us warm. We tend to hold on to comfort, familiarity and resist change.

If I want to grow then I’m going to have to let go of people, places, and things I love and find comforting. Growing means stepping outside the box and my comfort zone. It means embracing people that don’t look like me or have similarities to me. Sometimes we need a balancer in relationships. If I’m good at A then I might need to find someone good at B. If everyone likes the same thing or is good at the same thing it’s going to get boring and the growth is going to be stunted.

I need to let go of habits that I love and try something new. The old folks would say you’re stuck in a rut. If we do the same thing over and over then we never explore or find new. Exploring allows us to find what else we like and grow.

I’m adding growth to my vision board and making goals to change habits, let go of relationships, step outside the box, and embrace change.

Day 3 of thinking about and working on my vision board. My soul craves peace. Peace becomes a priority after childhood traumas, narcissists relationships, stress that comes with life including the new way of life,

I want to draw people that share the same goal. People I just want to hug when I meet them. I want to sit at the beach, let the waves wash over me, take long bubble baths, try new spas, watch the slow game of baseball, wrap myself in a blanket, with a book, my favorite candle, and my smooth tunes. Meditate, pray and sit in silence to know God’s voice. Walk in nature, watch sunsets, and sunrises. Let people over in traffic, pay it forward one hundred different ways, dance with those from all walks of life, and smile at strangers. I want to sing the songs that get me and write until I make it to the promised land of “Healed”. I want peace and I want it to be my priority.

Day 2 of working on my vision board and my goals for 2022. I think one of the biggest challenges for me is acceptance. It’s a broad subject but I’m taking slices of it and digesting it slowly. I find it easier to accept people and situations as they are than to accept I did my best.

Feeling like I didn’t get everything accomplished in a day or that I disappointed someone is difficult for me. I think saying these things and embracing them is a goal I need to set, put on my vision board and embrace.

We are human, we are going to fall short, disappoint people including ourselves. It’s okay to have a bad day, not meet people’s expectations, and fall short of our goals. Life will go on and nobody is keeping track except ourselves. If anyone expresses disappointment including your trainer, employer, doctor, family or friends just say I’m doing my best.

I started doing vision boards over a decade ago. My shrink got me doing it so I could focus on my dreams daily. Through the years my dreams and priorities have changed. I usually have at least a few things that represent tangible, material things like a vehicle. This year my visions are about me. My emotional health, physical health, my journey, and my path.

In past years I’ve put my board on my desktops, laptops, iPads but the last few years it’s been on my Apple watch to constantly remind me of my goals and dreams.

If you’ve never done one, I encourage you to do one. It does work and it keeps you focused on your dreams. Even if it’s far-fetched, everything starts in the imagination. Acts 2:17 says “Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams.” I believe having a vision is part of our spiritual growth.

Here’s my start for the people I want to attract. I want to attract quality not quantity.