Before Christmas, I had this conversation with 2 tribe members. They voiced their disappointment with their holiday plans or lack of one should I say. They expressed how they wish it was different. I completely understood what they were saying, I too wish my Christmas was different. I wished my son’s father was still here and the traditions for my son could carry on. While I am very grateful for the blessings and substitutions we’ve experienced, holidays are never the same after a loved one passes. I can’t think of any worse pain than grief and it seems to compound on holidays. Empty chairs at the table and presents missing under the tree can leave a permanent hole in your heart.
I think this is how we have to view the passing of loved ones and traditions are gone. As I told my friends, when traditions can no longer continue, I think that’s our cue to start a new tradition. Although we will always miss the old, it’s time to update it, replace it with something that we look forward to doing. Looking forward to something can soothe the pain. And I don’t care what it looks like, it doesn’t have to be traditional with a tree and presents, it can be a trip to the beach, a cruise, passing out goody bags to the homeless. It’s your holiday, you get to celebrate it however it makes you happy.
Please note the new tradition that makes you happy may disappoint your family or adult children but it’s okay, you are allowed to disappoint people including family. We shouldn’t feel as we have to do something to keep from disappointing someone else. That’s called guilt and that’s a whole different blog story. Let me just say this, guilt is a time-waster.
I’m not sure who needed to hear this besides me and my 2 tribe members but I know there are more than 3 of us in the world that are grieving old traditions while trying to find our way to new ones that make us happy. It’s important to live our lives as we would imagine it including holiday traditions not as society or family tell us it should be. So let’s go ahead with acceptance of the past and hold it as a sweet memory. We now get to pick out a brand new tradition. How exciting! Our very own new tradition. Don’t stress over it, you have a whole year to figure out next December. Shall we put the travel agent on speed dial?
Dealing to Healing 