As we enter into the new year and we say the same thing we say every year “new year, new me”, let me talk to y’all about why the “new year, new me” doesn’t work most of the time.

We all have dysfunction. Yes! I have dysfunction and you have dysfunction. You don’t have to admit it to anyone but we all have it. I’m talking about our lack of motivation, or whatever it is we need to work on that keeps us from being our best versions. Whatever we deviate from, whatever our handicap is, we build a coping mechanism to accommodate it.

As we fall victim to our dysfunction, we make excuses so that we can choose to keep it. The expectation is “well that’s just how I am” or “I’ve always been this way” or my customers say, “I’ve always done it this way”. We choose to keep our dysfunction. Our depth of expectation limits our productivity. This is called a victim mindset. Not taking responsibility for our actions.

We have two kinds of people, the “victims” and then we have the “enablers”. Now the enablers don’t want to feel bad. Maybe they have been there and done that, maybe they fear it could be them, maybe they are so optimistic that they have more hope for the victim than the victim has for themselves. Here is the one thing that the victim and the enabler have in common. They expect nothing to change.

The victim expects the enabler to be a helper and help them and the enabler expects the victim to be helpless. This is what we call the enemy of normal. Doing the same thing out of routine keeps us from breaking outside the box. It’s why we don’t have a “new year, new me”. We don’t break the cycle of normal.

How many enablers do you have in your circle or your tribe? We all know friends that we join at the bar when we could be working out. Friends that have us shopping and spending money we don’t have when we could be bettering ourselves with a book, podcast, or sermon. The victim says “I just am too tired to workout” so they go to the bar with the enabler who is there and shows them a good time. The friend that shops constantly to fill the void and wants her friends to join her. She’s enabling the victim who says, “I don’t have the money or the need for anything but I’ll go to take my mind off my crazy week.”

One of us has to break the enemy of normal to destroy the system of dysfunction. I’m not just talking to you, I’m talking to me too. I had to break my cycle of dysfunction to find a new me in the new year. It’s why I shut it all down and disconnected. Tv, sports, news, social media, and movies. Those were my enablers! Because of Covid, you won’t not find me at the bar or mall. All my screens allowed me to make excuses and not break outside my box. Instead of allowing my enablers to schedule around them, I now run my schedule. I’m motivated to read, find new things to do, work on myself!

If you want to commit to a “new year, new me” then know this. If you always do what you’ve always done then you’re always going to be where you’ve been.

In April of 2019, I received a call from a doctor in Nashville, TN to tell me my mother was being put on hospice. That was on a Friday evening before my son graduated from college. The following Wednesday, May 1, my job let me go due of my position was being eliminated. With tear-filled eyes, I drove back down I-85 straight to my community office to give notice to the property manager to vacate my apartment in Atlanta. Yes! I cried because I questioned what was happening. I cried because I was scared. Once I finished crying that day, I jumped up and started packing and planning. This was before my awakening and I knew then that there were no coincidences.

Shortly after moving back to Nashville to be with my mother during her final days on earth, I went with a friend to The Goodwill. As we browsed for fun like it was a scavenger hunt, I saw this picture. It drew me in immediately. I picked it up and noticed it was a signed print and looked to be an original. I shared it with my friend and she was also intrigued with the print. I bought it for $4.99 that day.

I took it home but didn’t hang it as I moved it around from room to room and continued studying and meditating on it. Each time I looked at it, I heard the infamous quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

If you carefully look at the picture, you don’t see the whole staircase. You can’t see the beginning and you don’t know where it ends. If there was ever a time in my life that I didn’t know where my staircase started and where it ended it was that period of my life. Moving out of state, taking care of my mother, changing careers, seeing my son graduate from college, and then him moving to Dallas temporarily. I had more major changes and challenges than I had ever had before in my life. I had no other choice but to take one step at a time and practice my faith and my belief in God that it was all going to work out.

I now have that hanging in my office in my Atlanta home. I look at it often and remember that time in my life. It makes me feel thankful. I thank God that it all worked out and that I was able to see my sign at The Goodwill to know it was going to be okay. It was my sign that gave me hope and to practice my faith. My life was much like that staircase, I couldn’t see all of it but I believed it was only going to go up.

I encourage you to reflect on this great quote today from Martin Luther King, Jr. as we honor one of the greatest trailblazers ever. Think about what it means to you and how it applies to your life today or a time in your past. Thank you Dr. King for giving us this great quote for hope and inspiration.

Day 15 of my media detox and I’m 1/2 finished with 2 of my books, “Experiencing God” and “The Awakened Brain”. Both talk about spirituality, one from a religious view and the other from a scientific view. A lot of the views are parallel especially one and that is faith.

Since I’ve been reading and absorbing every little nugget, I’ve been trying to practice what I’ve been reading and what I believe. We can read and believe as much as we want but if we don’t practice then it doesn’t serve its purpose. I think faith is like reading a recipe. We can read it, believe we can cook it, and believe it will be good but until we practice it, we will never know and the more we practice, the better we get doing it.

Here’s my baby step in practicing. I have a space heater that I lurve, that’s one step above love for those who don’t know. It’s part of my morning and evening ritual since I don’t like the central heat on in the winter. It bothers my sinuses and I don’t sleep well so the space heater knock’s off the early morning chill with my coffee in the mornings. Last night I had it on after my bath and all of a sudden it went out. Just stopped and wouldn’t come back on. I didn’t get upset I just thought well you had a good run for 5 years. I started looking online for another one and this particular one was painfully expensive. More than I wanted to afford. So here I go, “God, I need to find this heater please Lord let me find it for my budget-friendly price.” Now I’m believing as I continue to look online. Then I felt I should go to my NextDoor app just to see if maybe by chance there was one for sale. And as soon as I typed in “heater” it came up. It was a newer model and it came with it’s twin oscillating fan. Both for $30 and it was located 6 miles from me. I reached out to the owner and picked them up this morning.

I’ve thought about the entire experience off and on all day. My thoughts have ranged from why did it go out, was this a time to practice what I’ve been reading and believing, was I supposed to meet this owner for a reason, and so much more. If I was telling the story to my shrink she’d say “don’t overthink it” so I’m going with that.

I do believe it was not coincidental. It was the perfect opportunity to practice what I’ve been reading. It was a baby step for me to know if the little things can work out so can the big things if we just believe. Faith is a lot like selling, if we don’t ask for the sale then we will never know if they will buy. I also believe that our spiritual awareness brings what we need to us. As I say, look for the signs, listen to the gut talk, be familiar with your intuition. Walk in your purpose and it will come.

I read this quote and literally laughed out loud from resonating with it. Everything has pressure limits and so does everyone. Not only do we allow pressure from others but we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves.

Yesterday I blogged about what I’ve already learned and been reminded of this year and one quote said,

Stop taking responsibility for people. You cannot control their thoughts, feelings or perceptions. If you are doing your best with them and it’s not enough for them then that’s not your issue.

We tend to use our good hearts and our love language to please them and hope they appreciate our efforts. ⚡️News flash⚡️some folks will never appreciate your efforts and they will never reciprocate! We can literally stretch ourselves thin to the point of breaking by pressuring ourselves to please them.

This especially applies to the peacemakers. When there is an elephant in the room or the relationship is rocky like a ship at sea and we just want the elephant out and the waters calm. You can stretch yourself too much by trying to push the elephant out. Think of the literal pressure it would take to push a real elephant out of a room. Impossible? Most likely and it’s most likely you can’t push an elephant out of the room in a relationship. If they are not willing to openly communicate with you and pinpoint the issue then don’t allow the pressure to move the elephant solo.

I’ve stretched and been stretched but I’m bouncing back and I’m coming with a warning, “You should probably move.”

We are only 13 days into 2022 and I’ve learned so much already. Some things I knew but have been reminded of this year.

I’ve learned that people don’t apologize if they are not sorry for their actions.

Saying sorry doesn’t mean anything if the action doesn’t change.

People lie to themselves so therefore they lie to you.

Miscommunication is the root of misunderstandings.

Not everyone thinks like you, believes like you or feels like you. That’s why there’s 31 flavors.

People who don’t take responsibility for their actions or lack of have victim mindsets.

Not everyone can love you as you need to be loved. It’s okay, others love you more than most so they make up for the ones that can’t love you as needed.

Live in the present. Worrying or grieving yesterday or being anxious for tomorrow is a waste. Both are out of our control.

Stop taking responsibility for people. You cannot control their thoughts, feelings or perceptions. If you are doing your best with them and it’s not enough for them then that’s not your issue.

Be still so you can be present and spiritually aware. Look for signs and synchronicity. They might be the answer to your prayer.

Everyone doesn’t deserve your time, attention or an explanation. Plan accordingly.

If we allow ourselves to suffer and acknowledge it, we can gain insight so that our spirit can be restored and renewed.

Forgive yourself for not knowing. Free yourself from shame. Be free of judgement.

There was a big miscommunication between me and two friends the other day and as I reflected on the communication and the breakdown of what was said, I thought about the following:

As I read this and analyzed the situation, I realized something. I realized that if we are not living in the present, at the moment, that our mood challenges us to hear.

As I blogged earlier How to Receive Your Predestined Moment if our mood is thinking about tomorrow, I might be anxious or worrying about what is to come. If our mood is grieving the past, our mindset may be depressed or emotionally distraught over something that is over and past. In both situations, we are not present and we are thinking about days that are out of our control.

If our mood is not good due to either one of these then we are likely not going to hear our intuition, be aware of our spiritual awareness. This leads to the next check ☑️, we are not listening.

Not listening gets us in trouble in everyday life. I know occasionally I get distracted by a text or a phone alert while someone is talking to me and I miss something they said or didn’t hear them correctly. If we can’t listen to important conversations due to distractions that usually are about yesterday or tomorrow then I know we miss hearing our intuition.

To those of you praying and seeking an answer for whatever you need, I encourage you to stop, be still, stop worrying about tomorrow or meditating on yesterday. Your answer could be right before you and you’re missing it because you are not listening and your mood is challenging your spiritual awareness. When you get desperate for answers and miracles to happen, you will shut down the world to focus on what you need to hear.

Don’t let miscommunication prevent you from getting your predestined moment or not hearing your prayer be answered.

Yesterday I blogged about a sermon I heard regarding moments and being spiritually aware so you don’t miss signs that bring once-in-a-lifetime moments.

Remember my “accidentally” found self-help book is The Awakened Brain The author Lisa Miller Ph.D., talks about seeing signs due to her spiritual awareness.

Do you know how you want to say something to some people in the line at the store or the gas station? And do you? Always listen to your gut talk. Dr. Miller tells a story about being in Whole Foods and the lady in front of her had tons of healthy food, like lemons, kale, and yogurt. Dr. Miller said, “you look so healthy” and the woman replied to her in shock saying, “It’s amazing you said that to me. I’m so grateful you did. I just started chemotherapy yesterday.”

Dr. Miller calls this Synchronicity. It’s when two technically unrelated events are joined in a deeper meaning. That’s the scientific term. Bishop T.D, Jakes called it Moments based on two predestined events or moments colliding due to perfect circumstances. But remember it can only happen if you are paying attention because you are spiritually aware.

Not only should we act on our intuition and listen when we should speak to someone but we shouldn’t force things or people. Remember Don’t Force Pieces That Don’t Fit. It’s all a plan but it’s not your plan. It’s the divine plan that is greater than your plan. So when you spill your coffee in the car and you have to turn around and go back home to change clothes, instead of being upset just say “Thank ya Jesus” for protecting me. It could’ve been a wreck or something you could not envision.

Now, do I think it’s coincidental that I just happened to hear a sermon on Sunday and read a book the next day about the same thing? No! I do not. The light bulb is a little brighter on my journey now. Things you learn while on a media detox. 😁

I can never say it enough, listen to your intuition, trust your gut, be in tune with your spirit and look for signs. They are always there, we often miss them because we are not consciously aware or not living in the moment.

I recently heard a sermon regarding moments. It was so on point that I have to share it. Everything in life is predestined from our birth to the grave. We are born with instinct, spiritual awareness but because we are feelers and thinkers, we often don’t listen to it. If we don’t live in the moment and listen to it, we can miss our blessing, our extraordinary moment that may never come again.

Predestined moments are always there. For instance. if Aretha Franklin was alive today, would she be the Queen of Soul? Probably not in today’s hip-hop culture. But because Ms. Aretha acted on her intuition and someone else acted on their intuition, two worlds collided and made a moment that was predestined for Aretha Franklin. She may have never been the Queen of Soul if she hadn’t acted on her intuition and let her spirit lead her to the most powerful moment in her life.

You’ve heard people say “well they were in the right place at the right time.” It’s true, if we are led by our spirit, the gut talk, we are in the right place at the right time. We know this by exercising our discernment.

To not miss a moment that is predestined for you, you must live in the moment and not worry about tomorrow or grieve for the past. We can’t take the risk of missing out because the circumstances for that opportunity may never come again.

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to miss my extraordinary moment, my predestined moment because I’m worrying about tomorrow or grieving over my past. We have to let go of what’s gone and yesterday is dead and gone. Tomorrow may never come so why worry when it’s not here yet. Live for today, exist, and listen to your gut talk while watching for signs. I know amazing things are coming for all of us that are waiting for our predestined moments.