Breaking the Cycle of Normal

As we enter into the new year and we say the same thing we say every year “new year, new me”, let me talk to y’all about why the “new year, new me” doesn’t work most of the time.

We all have dysfunction. Yes! I have dysfunction and you have dysfunction. You don’t have to admit it to anyone but we all have it. I’m talking about our lack of motivation, or whatever it is we need to work on that keeps us from being our best versions. Whatever we deviate from, whatever our handicap is, we build a coping mechanism to accommodate it.

As we fall victim to our dysfunction, we make excuses so that we can choose to keep it. The expectation is “well that’s just how I am” or “I’ve always been this way” or my customers say, “I’ve always done it this way”. We choose to keep our dysfunction. Our depth of expectation limits our productivity. This is called a victim mindset. Not taking responsibility for our actions.

We have two kinds of people, the “victims” and then we have the “enablers”. Now the enablers don’t want to feel bad. Maybe they have been there and done that, maybe they fear it could be them, maybe they are so optimistic that they have more hope for the victim than the victim has for themselves. Here is the one thing that the victim and the enabler have in common. They expect nothing to change.

The victim expects the enabler to be a helper and help them and the enabler expects the victim to be helpless. This is what we call the enemy of normal. Doing the same thing out of routine keeps us from breaking outside the box. It’s why we don’t have a “new year, new me”. We don’t break the cycle of normal.

How many enablers do you have in your circle or your tribe? We all know friends that we join at the bar when we could be working out. Friends that have us shopping and spending money we don’t have when we could be bettering ourselves with a book, podcast, or sermon. The victim says “I just am too tired to workout” so they go to the bar with the enabler who is there and shows them a good time. The friend that shops constantly to fill the void and wants her friends to join her. She’s enabling the victim who says, “I don’t have the money or the need for anything but I’ll go to take my mind off my crazy week.”

One of us has to break the enemy of normal to destroy the system of dysfunction. I’m not just talking to you, I’m talking to me too. I had to break my cycle of dysfunction to find a new me in the new year. It’s why I shut it all down and disconnected. Tv, sports, news, social media, and movies. Those were my enablers! Because of Covid, you won’t not find me at the bar or mall. All my screens allowed me to make excuses and not break outside my box. Instead of allowing my enablers to schedule around them, I now run my schedule. I’m motivated to read, find new things to do, work on myself!

If you want to commit to a “new year, new me” then know this. If you always do what you’ve always done then you’re always going to be where you’ve been.

Published by Dana

Creative writer about my life and life lessons. Survivor of abandonment, addiction, narcissist relationships, and trauma. Still dealing while I'm healing. Thank you Jesus!

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