To those who know me personally, it may come as a shock to you that I’ve had my boundaries pushed my whole life. I’m not going to get into a deep dive on me but I will tell you this from the bottom of my heart and please believe me when I say, that you do not have to change, move, dissolve your boundaries for ANYBODY. This includes your mother, your spouse, your children, your best friend since childhood, or your boss. You do not have to compromise disrespect, your peace, your core values, any part of you to make someone else happy. You do not need to please others to be loved. Do not water down your pain, your grief so that others feel less guilty. This is not your issue! Your only concern is to love you. Take care of yourself because if you don’t, nobody else will either. Having boundaries earns respect, love, and honor. If they don’t respect, love and honor you, then let them go. Because what you allow will continue. You are not responsible for making others happy, keeping them at peace, or removing guilt. Protect your emotional health and set boundaries. Make them clear and do not waiver. Now pick up your crowns kings and queens and carry on! ❤️

Face value! The words I keep using and applying to people and situations. The definition means to accept someone or something just as it appears; to believe that the way things appear is the way they really are. I’m learning to stop asking why, or wondering. I’m learning to quit justifying or making excuses for people or situations. I find that using my energy for only things I can change or control, which generally narrows down to only my life is the best way to let things go. It’s exhausting to try to change people, just let them be. If they want to reach out, they will. If they say something you don’t understand. Don’t stay awake and wonder, ask them. Take them and situations exactly as they appear. We all know that we are not going to take a baked potato to a pizza by pushing a button. We are not going to do that with people or situations either. And like I told a friend of mine. If someone takes a dollar out of your cash register, accept it and act on it. If they will take a dollar the first time, they’ll take a five, ten, or twenty the next time. When they come back the next time, that’s on you. Accept they are a thief and quit making excuses for them or justifying their actions. I’ve always tried to see the best in people. I’m long-suffering and a believer in second chances but I’m learning, I’m applying and I am finding a lot more energy by believing that baked potatoes will never ever be pizzas.

Remember when we were children and we got dressed up for Halloween? I always looked forward to Halloween and trick or treating but I remember it was work. I remember working to put the costume together. Working to put the makeup on, keep the costume on and it was real work to keep the mask on. I was rather sweating underneath that cheap piece of plastic, held by a rubber string, which sometimes broke, or I was lifting the mask to breathe and see where I was going. I was miserable but I wanted the candy.

I think that is how we are as adults now. We wear a plastic mask that keeps us working. We are working to keep a mask on that portrays us different than what we are. We wear the mask to hide the traumas, the pains and hurts. The stories we can’t tell are hidden behind the mask. I know, it’s tiring to continually say “I’m ok” when you’re not ok. I know it’s a lie when you say “I’m fine”, but you’re not fine. It’s miserable to wear the mask every day. All for what? People that have the same or similar issues as you.

I know, I understand, I’ve been there and I’ve done that, still wear my mask some days. I got tired of working to keep a mask on to hide my issues, the same or similar issues that you have, that so many others have. Masking problems doesn’t solve them. Covering wounds does not allow healing. When you get tired of working, not being able to breathe and not being able to see, you’ll take your mask off and you’ll find others that have taken their mask off too. Everyone is fighting different devils on different levels. It’s ok, not to be ok! You can take your mask off now to breathe.

If you have read my Dealing to Healing story, you may remember the quote from my therapist “I share your excitement. Your whole life has prepared you for your Dealing to Healing project. Very much looking forward to hearing all. With love, respect, and many blessings, your favorite shrink.” If you noticed she used the word project. If you’ve seen my YouTube video, you’ve heard the word project. I purposely have used that word because I don’t want to call Dealing to Healing, just a website, a blog, a social media platform. I’m not going to label anything that I’m not sure what it is going to be. I’m trusting God will take it where I need to be and allowing it to unfold organically. It’s been suggested that I write a book, that I move forward in other avenues. While I’m honored and appreciate all suggestions, I want to be still until I know that it is definitely in the plan. We can make all the plans we want in life but things can change in a snap. What you plan, what you dream, what you want, may not be the direction of steps ordered. I believe often we get ahead of the flow by labeling things, trying to direct it or redirect it, and not leaving room for more. I think about how many times I’ve labeled something, settled for what I thought I deserved but it could’ve been so much more. It’s a lesson that I don’t want to repeat. I believe in planning, and preparing but if life throws us a curve, know that it was for our protection, for our good. Sometimes it’s not a stop sign, sometimes it’s just a speed bump. Allow it and trust God with your whole heart. You’ll find out it will be better than you could ever plan or dream.

I wanna talk about grief today. It’s a painful day, for me, my son, and his dad’s family. Today would’ve been my son’s dad’s 60th birthday.

Grief is so unmanageable. We never know when that smell, that song, that memory is going to pop in our mind. We never know when it’s going to happen or where we are going to be. That pain hits you so hard that you lose your breath, you lose sight and the sound of everything around you. Pain so deep, that you lose control of your body. Y’all know that pain? You do if you’ve ever lost someone you love. Sometimes the pain of losing the living is as painful as losing the dead.

And grief changes you, usually forever. If you’ve read my Dealing to Healing Story, then you know I’ve had a series of losses. In 4 years, I’ve lost 4 people, that each had my heart. With each loss, I’ve changed. A loss will make you decide very quickly what is important, more importantly, what is not important. It will make you pray a prayer as you’ve never prayed before in your life. It will make you remove masks, become real and raw. Grief will quickly introduce you to denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. Some days they are like a snowflake, other days like an avalanche. Yes, my friend grief is the deepest pain you’ll ever feel.

To you that is grieving, carrying the pain of a loss, you are not alone. Your heart is broken and it will never be the same, you’ll be ok, just not today.

A friend shared with me part of her story. I listened to her share her dreams about her future and what she felt was best for her because she wasn’t exactly happy where she was now. She wanted to start a new life in a new city, a new home, a new job, make new friends, and build a new life. I understood that, as a person that left my hometown to start a new life in Atlanta. She told me that the naysayers called her crazy, said she wouldn’t make it. I laughed out loud and said they want you to stay unhappy and stuck, like them. Some people choose misery and staying stuck like some people choose alcohol, drugs, or shopping. They are addicted to being miserable. Addicts seek other addicts. An alcoholic doesn’t want to be with nondrinkers, they want to be with other alcoholics. A shopaholic loves other shopaholics and miserable people want to go be around other miserable people. You know the saying, misery loves company. And they are stuck! They don’t necessarily want to be stuck, just like addicts don’t want to be addicts but they think the risk of moving forward is greater than the risk of staying stuck. Some people would rather risk staying stuck in a place they cannot heal or grow emotionally and spiritually because of fear. Fear and faith can not exist simultaneously. And their fear prevents them from moving forward. They may want to, they may even talk about it but their talk is only that. They speak forward but they think backward. And sadly they stay stuck and addicted to the misery.

I encourage you to be a risk-taker, unlock the locks and break free of the chains that keep you stuck. You don’t know how dark the cloud is over you until you see the sun. You go!!!

Huge, heartfelt thank you with a hug to everyone that read my My Dealing to Healing story Words can’t express my appreciation, just know that I spent my Sunday morning in tears from your encouragement. Lots of emotions happening yesterday. Please know that no matter what I look like on the outside, opening yourself up to the world and being transparent is scary. As I told my tribe, I feel like I’m jumping out of an airplane with my eyes closed but every time a comment or DM is posted, I know it’s my supporters who are opening my parachute.

I know my purpose and calling are not relatable to everyone. I know that what I’m talking about is for a specific group of people. I like to think of it as a designer fragrance that not everyone can wear. It’s for those who have experienced childhood trauma, abandonment, addiction, and/or exposure to a narcissist because you might be an empath. For those who have experienced depression, panic attacks, and grief. For anyone who wanted to give up. My prayer is that you find hope, inspiration, and spiritual healing in my personal stories. They say the best therapists are the ones with the T-shirt’s that say “been there, done that”. I’ve been there and done that and had it on repeat.

To everyone, please keep me in your prayers as I continue to heal and release more personal stories. Thank you ❤️