Your Tribe

I was counseling with a friend the other day. She was in a lot of pain from some situations in her family. She felt overwhelmed and helpless to make the situation better. As I listened to her and heard her pain, I felt that she needed an ear. She had just been waiting for someone to check on her, someone to call her. She proceeded to tell me that she was disappointed in people she thought she could count on. They were nowhere to be found. They had not been there to support her. I firmly told her, the folks that show up for you, that’s your tribe. Who are the ones that are your seesaw partners? You don’t need many, just a few will do. I used the analogy of support beams to a deck. There are only 4-6 beams that hold up a deck and that’s all the folks you need to hold you up. I explained to her that the tribe should be those you’d pick if times got worse. If you need someone to share the last apple with you. Some folks will eat the very last apple and tell you they were hungrier than you. You do not want those people in your tribe. I told her to write down the teams. The talkers, the doers, and the critics. The doers are those that say they love you and the action follows. The talkers just say “I love you.” The critics are the ones saying nothing and criticizing the situation. You are always going to have critics. They are gonna come out like coach roaches. That’s what roaches do, they come out when it gets dark. Whenever a situation gets dark, folks want to come out and criticize you. I told her I expect I’ll have mine soon. It’s part of it. Not everyone is going to be happy for you. Remember when you walk in a room and share the good news, watch who claps and who is happy for you. That’s your people, your tribe. The doers, the clappers, the ones that share the last apple with you, that’s your tribe.