The definition of weary is: exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness.

Depending on what website you believe, the word “weary” is mentioned up to 96 times in the Bible. The writers identified a lot with it and so does this writer. Feeling weary is more than being physically or mentally tired. It’s a call for your soul to rest. Without rest, we diminish everything from creativity to burnout. We can even have a lapse in judgment and compromise our integrity.

What is proven if you don’t allow your soul to rest? Constantly pushing in every corner of your world accomplishes nothing. It’s a self sabotaging behavior when we don’t acknowledge what we need. Acknowledging our inner state allows for spiritual awakening and consciousness.

My soul is exhausted and lacks freshness. When I analyze what is making me weary as I have removed the news and toxic relationships from my life, I find that part of my weariness is social media wears me out. It’s an ongoing fight in my spirit. I go between I need to reach someone who needs to hear my words from the divine and I don’t want to get on social media at all.

I’ve decided to take another break. I will continue to blog and my blog will automatically post to the Dealing to Healing Facebook and Twitter pages. This time I will check those accounts and reply to comments and messages. If you are not following on the social media pages, I encourage you to do so due to this may become permanent. If you are not signed up for my blog to come directly to your email then please go to https://dealingtohealing.com/sign-up/ to subscribe.

I appreciate each and every of you. Please know your unwavering love and support is embraced and is the wind beneath my wings that keeps me flying. Thank you!

Being comfortable often breeds complacency and it will mess your life up in every corner. From the bedroom to the job, if you are complacent you will eventually lose.

T.D. Jakes spoke on complacency last Sunday and he made so many valid points that it’s too many for me to share but I want to highlight the five points he made on complacency.

• You are complacent when you are no longer striving to do your best. If you can’t do your best in all areas then drop some areas in your life. Stretching yourself too thin compromises quality so drop the quantity.
• You’re operating off an old playbook. What was good then might not be good now. If you have been married for 20 years and you have the same bedroom nighty from your honeymoon then ladies y’all better get down to Hustler Hollywood and get with it or someone else will.
• Not seeking to take advantage of new opportunities. Passing up opportunities to invest in yourself will get you looked over, passed over every time. Learn a new skill, take a class, and invest in yourself.
• You are not maintaining contacts or relationships that help you grow. Your new friends ought to make your old friends uncomfortable. Keeping the same circle stunts growth.
• You don’t risk sharing your opinions or ideas for fear of being wrong. If you never speak up then you become a sheep and are happy just following the herd. Great leaders and groundbreakers openly share their ideas.

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth. Revelation 3:16

Complacency is the same as lukewarm. It’s the same as okay. You’re not hot but you’re not cold. You’re not doing good but you’re not doing bad.

I worked for an icon in the hospitality business when I was in my 20s. He had a rule that we must not ever ask a guest if everything is okay. We were to ask “How is everything?” because asking one if “it’s okay” equated to mediocre. He never wanted his food or service to be mediocre.

Being mediocre, okay, and complacent will compromise opportunities. Don’t miss your next dot, your purpose, your assignment, by being too comfortable and not growing.

When something is meant to be, you cannot stop it. It’s going to show up when you are not attached and as one might say, “when you are not looking for it or least expect it.” And that is how it works.

Last week I ran across that Eckhart Tolle was coming to the Fox Theatre in Atlanta. My first thought was “Wow! I’d like to see him”. He’s been talked about by my shrink since 2009. She has told me to “acknowledge” more times than I can count. As I started looking at ticket prices I said “Wow” again but this time with an ouch behind it. They were more than I expected and a little out of my budget.

I looked a couple of times at the tickets on a couple of ticket websites. I looked and then put the thought aside and did not become attached to it. Just filed it to the side.

This past Tuesday evening I replied to someone on Instagram and after replying I scrolled up to check my feed. And there it was, my direct invite to Eckhart Tolle. It came in the form of an ad that said “Mothers Day Sale”, it was discounted tickets to his event at the Fox. Within 15-20 minutes, not only did I have tickets within my budget, but I also had valet parking. My ticket and valet parking was cheaper than the prices I originally saw when I first looked at ticket prices. Coincidental? I think not.

Every fiber in me knew I was supposed to be there to see him. It’s exactly what I needed for my soul and more confirmation that what I have experienced does exist in others and happened similarly. Eckhart confirmed that by telling a story about getting letters from prisoners who had suffered so much that their misery exploded into their awakening.

For 2 hours I inhaled every second of his talk. I took notes the entire time and stayed in the moment just savoring every minute. In the end, I felt the joyful tears fill up my eyes as I was so grateful that I had an opportunity to experience this moment. I am so grateful that God orchestrated it all for me to attend.

I’d like to end this story I’m sharing with you with one of the many favorite quotes by one of my favorites.

Accept then act. Whatever the present moment contains except it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally; not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life. – Eckhart Tolle

Covert incest, or emotional incest, occurs when a parent or caregiver relies on a child for the support that an adult partner would usually provide. They may also treat the child like a romantic partner. Covert incest is different from physical incest because it does not involve sexual abuse.

Do you know someone that tells their children everything? Makes them a best friend? Pours into them about their finances, marriage, struggles in life? Highly possible they are in an emotional incest relationship with their children, even adult children.

The term sounds horrible because when we think of incest we think of physical or sexual relationships but a toxic relationship with your children can be just as damaging.

When my mother and dad divorced I was a victim of emotional incest. I was given the 411 on everything. I knew every need my mother had, she talked about her problems and her finances, and I believe held nothing back. It’s partly why I grew up faster than I was supposed to grow up.

It’s more common than you think. We see it, especially in homes where one parent is absent. If a parent is absent due to work or extra curriculum activities then the other parent left home doesn’t have a spouse present for emotional support. If a spouse is a narcissist and cannot give the emotional support needed then the parent turns to the child. I’ve seen it when one spouse dies and the widow feels lost and becomes dependent emotionally on the child.

Even if we think this child is mature enough to handle it or they are a young adult, no, just stop. Children and young adults do not need to hear your stuff. If they have never bought and car then why are you asking them their opinion on purchasing a car? It’s much better to phone a friend than to tell your children stuff they have no business hearing or knowing.

Emotional incest is unhealthy and many ways toxic. Allow children to grow on their time not as we need them for our support. Give young minds the freedom from our issues that they cannot solve. Let’s have respect for our children and ourselves by honoring them as the child and us as the parents.

I’ve had some quality conversations this week. Worthy enough to be on a podcast. I want to drop some nuggets that have been said in those conversations.

• What people think of you is none of your business. People will transfer their stuff to you. If they feel jaded in their relationships they will try to transfer that negativity onto you.
• People’s actions or lack of action speak louder than any words ever spoken. If you want to know how people feel watch what they do.
• Distractions come in different forms. Trauma, drama, depression, anxiety, and noise. If we get distracted by our stuff or someone else’s stuff then we are distracted from the signs on our path. Missing a breadcrumb or the timing sometimes is everything. Don’t get distracted!
• Meet people where they are. We cannot drag people down our path. If they are not ready to acknowledge their suffering to start healing then nothing we say or do is going to change that.
• We start winning when we are not attached to it. Claiming something or a relationship will bring on anxiety because we want it so badly. And if we don’t get it then we become disappointed sometimes to the point of grief and depression. Stay detached and be free.
• There are no coincidences. It’s a sign or a teaching moment.
• Signs are everywhere every day. Sometimes we miss them or don’t know they are a sign until later. It’s when they come consistently with less time in between that we realize they are signs. Pay attention!
• Positive or pride? Saying we are “good”, “okay” and “fine” when we are really in a place of pain or suffering is denying what our soul needs and that is “help”, “support” and “love”. Don’t deny your soul food by staying in pride mode.
• When it unfolds effortlessly and easily, it’s for you and meant to be. But if we are hammering it like a square peg into a round hole then it’s not meant to be or it’s not the right time.
• We cannot unsee things. When we see it we can’t unsee it. If you know it’s toxic then don’t play like it’s not to justify your hopes and dreams. If we listen to that gut talk and intuition we know what it is.

Today marks the first anniversary of my son’s father’s death. It also marks one year that life changed and will never be the same. Have you ever experienced “never the same”?

I remember it so vividly. A surreal moment that changed everything moving forward. A time that life stands still. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours and hours like endless days and time is never the same.

A pain so indescribable that you can’t speak and takes your breath away. Uncontrollable tears could fill the ocean. As you fall down the deep rabbit hole of pain, grief, and suffering you don’t know if you’re breathing or not. Your body freezes and then shakes uncontrollably from the shock of the moment and life as you have experienced it is never the same.

And down that rabbit hole of grief, pain, and suffering you lie motionless. Days become weeks and weeks become months. No memory of condolences, calls, or texts. Sleep deprivation and lack of nourishment become your new normal and all that you know is never the same.

All you can imagine is when “will I see them again?” And then the truth hits you hard and you realize not anytime soon. Holding on to voicemails, text messages, emails, and any article from clothes, smells, and pictures that sustains your memory. Reminiscing every single moment with them that you brand in the brain cells that remain. And all that you have planned is never the same. Birthdays, holidays, and occasions are never the same.

Never the same exist every single second of every single day. Never the same visits people all over the world every second of every day. Never the same takes precious lives and changes without notice. Never the same will break your heart permanently.

If you have ever experienced “Never the Same” I’m sending you a big hug, with love and prayers for strength and peace. May we embrace the love that surrounds us and know we are not alone experiencing Never the Same.

Expectation feed frustration. It is unhealthy attachment to people, things and outcomes we wish we could control; but don’t.

– Steve Maraboli

I had a conversation the other day with someone in the market for a house. As we discussed the crazy market of homes selling for the above asking price, prices above appraisals that make cash king, and the race to see and make an offer before the rest of the world is all insane.

I concurred with their frustration. My advice to them went like this, don’t attach yourself to it. Look at it as a lotto ticket. When you buy a lotto ticket or scratch off, you hope you win, you want to win, and you anticipate winning but if you don’t win you don’t agonize over it because you are not attached to it.

We allow our attachments to be controlled by something we can’t control. Not being attached is about letting nothing or nobody owns us. Detachment dilutes fear, there is no fear of loss if the attachment is not present.

Not being attached cancels anxiety and depression. You cannot be anxious if you don’t have an attachment. The attachment is wanting it so bad, claiming it before it’s yours. The disappointment of not getting it and it not being yours breeds depression. Allowing and accepting is where we must be to be free.

Every day I’m working on detachment. Allowing and accepting. Living in the present and being free. I’m looking at every possibility just as that, a possibility. It’s a possible win just like a lotto ticket. I think the Beatles had it right “Let it Be”.

This quote by Eckhart Tolle is perfect! It perfectly describes my awakening. It’s what I have blogged about for almost a year. The suffering we endure is not in vain. It has a purpose if we can only believe that through our suffering.

I’ve had 2 very intimate and up-close conversations lately with a couple of friends. One of them had a very similar awakening as me. She endured a lot of pain from losing a child and a parent within 90 days apart. I wept as she told me her story. I could not fathom the pain that she endured during her suffering. As she was telling her story, I was thinking “how is she here?” Her energy did not send vibes of grief, anger, hurt, or disappointment. Although she confirmed she’d had all of those emotions but moved passed them through her awakening. She surrendered everything due to her suffering.

I have another friend that is currently suffering through losing a soul that is living. I believe the loss of the living is equally as bad if not worse than losing the souls that leave this world. When we lose a living soul it’s so much more difficult because they are still here. We want to believe in hope and change for them. We pray for breakthroughs and awakenings for them. But as we know, only one can decide to change. Nobody ever changes without surrendering.

And that brings me to my next point. The awakening from suffering is in the surrendering. Confessions with your mouth mean nothing if your spirit and soul do not align with your words. Let me break that down for you. When you get so sick and so tired of your pain, and suffering that you will do anything, that is the surrendering part.

As I shared with my friend, when you pray to die because you don’t want to wake up to another day of pain, and every fiber in you wants that, that’s surrendering all. When you say, I’ll eat out of a dumpster, work 5 jobs and do anything for freedom from my abusive situation and every fiber in you is willing to do that, that’s surrendering. Surrendering to spirituality and religion means that a believer completely gives up his own will and subjects his thoughts, ideas, and deeds to the will and teachings of a higher power.

But…be careful what you pray for! When you surrender to God and pray that you will do anything for the pain to be extinguished. One must be prepared. Because after the surrendering comes the challenging part of the new journey and that my friend is a road not paved with gold and green grass. Because now you’ve surrendered, you’ve committed and made a deal with God that IF he will just take the pain away, you will do anything. Anything means anything! Not what you wish or want but what your purpose is moving forward. It’s like the game show “Let’s Make a Deal” except you are making a deal with God and you don’t know what is behind doors 1,2, or 3.

Know this friends, each of those doors will always be a better place than where you have been. It will be challenging and there will be many teachings behind those doors but the peace, freedom, and new life you receive cannot be described with words or drawn with images. It’s a lightbulb that cannot be dimmed.

I don’t know who this is for but I know that as you are reading it, you are understanding it. You are believing it and embracing it. You trust my words because you know there is more to life than what you have experienced. Prayers for strength and peace to you and all.