Never The Same

Today marks the first anniversary of my son’s father’s death. It also marks one year that life changed and will never be the same. Have you ever experienced “never the same”?

I remember it so vividly. A surreal moment that changed everything moving forward. A time that life stands still. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours and hours like endless days and time is never the same.

A pain so indescribable that you can’t speak and takes your breath away. Uncontrollable tears could fill the ocean. As you fall down the deep rabbit hole of pain, grief, and suffering you don’t know if you’re breathing or not. Your body freezes and then shakes uncontrollably from the shock of the moment and life as you have experienced it is never the same.

And down that rabbit hole of grief, pain, and suffering you lie motionless. Days become weeks and weeks become months. No memory of condolences, calls, or texts. Sleep deprivation and lack of nourishment become your new normal and all that you know is never the same.

All you can imagine is when “will I see them again?” And then the truth hits you hard and you realize not anytime soon. Holding on to voicemails, text messages, emails, and any article from clothes, smells, and pictures that sustains your memory. Reminiscing every single moment with them that you brand in the brain cells that remain. And all that you have planned is never the same. Birthdays, holidays, and occasions are never the same.

Never the same exist every single second of every single day. Never the same visits people all over the world every second of every day. Never the same takes precious lives and changes without notice. Never the same will break your heart permanently.

If you have ever experienced “Never the Same” I’m sending you a big hug, with love and prayers for strength and peace. May we embrace the love that surrounds us and know we are not alone experiencing Never the Same.

Published by Dana

Creative writer about my life and life lessons. Survivor of abandonment, addiction, narcissist relationships, and trauma. Still dealing while I'm healing. Thank you Jesus!

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