Yesterday I blogged on trauma that breeds a lack of faith, the spirit of fear, and doubt. I want to expand on that from yesterday. Not only is it extremely important that we work through our traumas and heal but it is also important that we surround ourselves with those who believe in us as we heal.

As I’ve said, dismiss the naysayers, the spirit of fear and doubt in your environment. Let them go! We must surround ourselves with believers. Not necessarily believers in what we believe in but people who believe in us. They don’t have to look like us or have the same beliefs as us but they must believe in us.

If we know our calling, our purpose, we must have those around us that support whatever we are called to do. It doesn’t matter how crazy it sounds or off the wall, if you know it’s your calling or purpose, you must partner with those who believe in you.

The spirit of doubt and fear is real. It will make you do irrational things and make bad decisions. If your circle or tribe doubt you and don’t believe in you then they cannot support you. Support is essential for growth. The reason some of us have been repeating patterns for years is due to a lack of support. The abandonment wound comes from a lack of support. Our caretakers chose themselves, narcotics, alcohol, work, or someone else and left us to fend for ourselves. If we are not careful we will pick familiarity and comfort to support us but will find they will ultimately choose someone or something else instead of supporting us.

I don’t know but maybe Simon’s fishermen didn’t believe in him. Maybe they should’ve said, “hey let’s take more than one net.” I think they had the spirit of doubt too. If you’re in my boat I want you to say “Hey let’s take all the nets!” I want you to jump in the boat and row to the deep. Believe that we are going to catch more fish than we can process, make some money and eat good. That’s what the power of belief and support does!

When I was young there was only one Bible version and it was the King James Version. Over time there have been multiple versions and many have been interpreted a little differently for simplicity. But because I’m old school I’m always going to believe what is original. Sometimes those updated words, like songs aren’t as good as the original. We all appreciate authenticity.

In Luke 5:1-10 a fisherman named Simon had been out all night fishing with no luck. After a night of working, he came in and washed his fishing nets. He had given up. He was tired and he was done. His business had not been profitable that night. So along comes Jesus and he’s so cool and chilled that he sits down in the boat. He didn’t command, demand or speak authority he just said,

“Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets for a draught.” And Simon replied, “Master, we have toiled all the night, and have taken nothing: nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net.” 

Did you catch that? Jesus said, “nets” and Simon replied “net”. He did what he was told but his faith was so little. His doubt was so great that he didn’t even believe Jesus sitting before him. Jesus said “nets” but he only took one net back out of the deep. Simon should’ve listened because when he went back out he caught so many fish that his one single net could not hold all the fish. He yelled back to the shoreline “help”.

What a lesson! Our spirit of doubt and fear can be so great that even when Jesus speaks we still don’t listen. When we hear that gut talk, that instinct, we should not mistake it. That is the God in us telling us what we need to do. But because of lack of faith, the spirit of fear and doubt, our patterns, the trauma that has been passed down from generation to generation we dismiss it.

Simon was a doubter because he’d been there and done that and didn’t believe what he was told, even from Jesus. He was so caught up in what didn’t work from the night before that he underestimated his blessing. He was still living in the past that was already gone and did not exist. I believe the moral of this verse is we must let go of what didn’t work yesterday and let go of doubt and believe that everything is possible when we listen to our instinct and when God speaks to us. And never underestimate your blessings!

My mother had a saying and maybe your mother or someone you know has said it too, “the blind leading the blind.” I’ve heard it my whole life but I’ve only understood its true meaning since my awakening.

For years I’ve listened to and believed people. I listened to those who I thought were knowledgeable and wiser than me. They installed my faith in them. I believed what they said more than what I felt in my gut. What I believed to be their wisdom outweighed my instinct. I believe this is because I did not wholeheartedly believe in myself due to my inner child’s wounds.

Now I look but don’t listen to those same people and I think you’re lost too. You’re as lost as last year’s Easter egg and I was believing in you. I realize now they are acting on their wounds too. Some people practice power by being a “know it all”. They can tell you a little something about everything. But is it true? No! Nobody is an expert on everything. But because we have wounds and great insecurities, we believe them more than we believe in ourselves.

Because we don’t believe in ourselves and we haven’t shut down our insecurities and worked on healing we get more lost by putting our faith in someone who is practicing power. I’ll say it again, let your instinct guide you. Put your faith in God. Believe in that gut talk and educate yourself. Work towards your healing and don’t get misled by someone who is lost. If you do, you will be part of the “the blind leading the blind.”

Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
Matthew 15:14

I’m happy to report that earlier this month I finished my 2nd book and it was a self-help book, like the first book in January. This book however was tied with allowing your instinct to guide you in your leadership. I mentioned it earlier in a blog but here it is again, Instinct, The Power to Unleash Your Inborn Drive by T.D. Jakes. I highly recommend it because even though he is a bishop and the pastor of The Potter’s House church in Dallas Texas, it is not a religious or spiritual-based book. He writes about letting your instinct guide you through life and especially the importance of it in business. Here are some highlights from the book.

• When you are living by instinct, then you will naturally enhance everything and everyone around you. In other words, success will come naturally! When both your intellect and instincts are aligned, then producing the fruits of your labor brings satisfaction beyond measure.
• People with great instincts always transform what they are given to more than what was presented to them!
• Only Instinct can successfully find what intellect explains.
• In order to harness your intentions with your actions, you must rely on instincts.
• Instincts can help connect the dots between where you’re trying to go and how you will get there.
• Intellect can make a salesman knowledgeable about his product but it cannot tell him how to read his client.
• People adapt to their own expectations. In other words, we often behave based on our perceptions more than the reality of our actual circumstances.
• If their required investment is small so is their commitment.
• If we don’t learn to listen to instinct, then we will soon find ourselves extinct!
• I’m convinced the only way you can develop your true gifts, your creative instincts, is by embracing a vision so daunting that your heart goes running up the steps like a child, screaming with delight because you have a challenge that equals your creativity.

This is only about one-half of what intrigued me so much that I highlighted it. If you want to go deeper on instinct and letting it guide you to your purpose and in leadership then I think you would enjoy this book.

I’ve been saying for the past week that I just need to let things go and flow. If it works, it works and if it doesn’t I don’t force it. If you want to be in my life that’s great but if you don’t I’m okay with that too. I’m allowing everything and everyone in my life to just flow. After my Triggers from Trauma lesson, I’m trying to just believe all the dots connect if we just let it happen. I know with all my heart and soul that there’s nothing that just happens. Everything we experience is for a reason.

I had a friend confide in me that they felt like every time things in life got good then something bad happened. I told them, we always repeat lessons when we don’t learn. I’ve been in the same class for over 50 years. I think I’m graduating now. We are going to repeat the patterns until we learn the lesson and break the patterns.

Next, I said, every time it gets good we tend to believe we have control of our life so the ego puffs out its chest and says “I got this”. But the ego doesn’t have it, it’s God that has us at the end of the day. We have the tools but he provides the blessing when we allow it. He wants the credit too so we need to be thankful and share with others our blessing.

I see so many people say on social media say, “Pray, pray, pray” but I hardly ever see the “Thank ya Jesus” when the prayer is answered. As I have written in Respect the Gift if you ask for it and receive it then honor it.

Last but not least we do reap what we sow. I’ve reaped my bad seed plenty of times and I have been blessed by sowing good seed. I’ve learned that if I can just let it go and let it flow then it will happen just like it’s supposed to happen. Nobody escapes the harvest. You rather do folks wrong and suffer the consequences of your actions or do what’s right and watch it come back in 10 fold. And believe me, letting go is powerful. That’s a much stronger statement of character than hanging on. Say it out loud, let it go, and let it flow.

A friend of mine recently went to Johannesburg Africa and went on a safari. He shared stories, videos, and pictures of his adventure. The magnificent beauty can not be detailed in words.

He shared one video that is seared in my mind. It showed 5 lions grazing on a zebra they took down for a meal. Not only could you see them but you could hear them crunching the bones. As they casually laid by a body of water and grazed on their prize, the hyaenas watched in the background. In the wheat-colored fields, they watched. They watched for the last lion to finish and leave. And when the last lion licked his lips and left, the hyaenas came in for any scraps.

That video stuck in my mind and I thought how it was so parallel to our lives. There are lions out there that plan strategically, they watch and hunt. They are brave and take risks to get what they want and what they need to survive. Then there are hyaenas out there that are just waiting and watching. They are waiting for anything to be given to them.

Here’s the thing, if you were born into a family of lions then you are trained and skilled to be brave and to get what you need. But what if you are born into a family of hyaenas? Do we just watch, wait for anything to be given to us?

If the hyaena can observe and strategically know when it’s safe to go in for the scrapes then they can develop the skills to strategically watch, hunt, and get their prize just like the lion. It’s the fear that prevents them. They believe just because they were not born a lion they are not properly equipped. Fear is a liar!

If you want folks to underestimate you, then let them watch you dismiss your fear. Let them sit in the background and watch you find the skill within you to get your prize. Because when you look like a hyaena, nobody thinks you have the skills, know-how to strategize, know how to hunt and kill your prize. Just because you were born into a family that didn’t train you and show you the skills you need does not mean you don’t have them. You do not have to sit and wait for someone else to lick their lips and leave you the scraps. You must believe you are better than what you’ve been given. You must believe you have the same ability as the lion.

Trauma is a liar! Fear is a liar! The spirit of doubt and confusion is a liar! The naysayers are liars! Don’t believe the lies you’ve been told, that’s been passed down from generation to generation. And if you have gotta leave the pack of hyaenas to build your confidence then do what you need to do. Whatever it takes to develop your skill and get your prize. Just because you were born into the hyaena family does not keep you as one. You’re a lion within. Straighten your crown kings and queens, we have prizes to get.

Can we talk about anxiety? Fear? Panic attacks? Scared? I was talking about it over the weekend. I was sharing about when I had panic attacks in 2020. I allowed fear to consume me. I was afraid of the consequences. Nobody threatened me or even eluded to any of my fears but I believed my fears because I believed me.

If we spoke to ourselves and loved ourselves like we speak to and love others, our anxiety would dissipate. It’s not on the person that planted the seed of fear, it is us watering the seed of fear. The seed of fear most likely came from our childhood wounds. Someone told us when we were young that if it wasn’t done exactly right, this, or that way there would be consequences.

I understand this because I was told as a child that I was going to hell more often than I was told God loved me. I was told more often it’s wrong than right. I was told by teachers, preachers, parents, and peers who also had the seed of fear in them too that there would be consequences. As I grew I watered that seed. I watered that seed for over 50 years by saying out loud, “I’m afraid, I’m worried, I’m scared”. Stop thinking and saying these phrases because that’s the water. Proverbs 23:7 says

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:

I thought and believed I would be abandoned, betrayed, blacked out, pay consequences for anything less than right or perfect. But thank ya Jesus I don’t water the seed today. I’m working on digging the roots of it out and removing all traces.

As my shrink told me fear is not real. It’s just nothing trying to become something. And we can choose fear to believe in something bad or choose faith and believe in something good. But faith and fear can never simultaneously exist.

If you resonate with this, remember the next time you feel that pit in your stomach that moves up to your throat and into your air passageways and you struggle to breathe, it’s not your future you’re afraid of. It’s repeating the past that makes you anxious. Let go and have faith.

I almost allowed my compassion and empathy to cross my boundaries the last two weeks. Have you ever felt so much compassion for someone that you let your boundaries down to help them or try to help them? I think most of us have been there and done that. We say we are not helping that person again. I’m not taking that phone call, watching that kid, running that errand, and then we find ourselves not saying “no” to them because we feel bad for them.

My compassion and empathy have compromised my boundaries more times than I’d like to admit. We can often justify it by telling ourselves that they don’t have anyone to help them or what if something happens to them. We let down our boundaries due to compassion and justify it so we don’t feel guilty or shameful for not helping them. It’s us doing an act for us to not feel bad.

It’s happened to me twice in the last two weeks and while I stood looking down the slippery slope, I did not lean forward to fall back into my old ways. I love myself and respect myself now more than I do anybody else. I must decline all invites to pity parties.

I also realize that some folks just don’t feel loved unless you are showing them compassion and attending their pity party. You know them! The sky is always falling. As long as the sky is falling it’s likely they will get the love they need through our compassion and pity.

I’m not compromising my boundaries to give compassion to those expecting me to attend their pity party. Like a revolving door, it never stops from some people. If you give them an inch some want a mile. But just like all revolving doors when we get out, usually someone else is getting in. There’s always going to be someone throwing a pity party and there is always someone who is going to attend. Let’s make sure it’s not us compromising our boundaries to attend so we don’t feel guilty or shameful.

This week I’ve spoken with 2 friends that have shared their anxiety due to being overwhelmed with things coming at them in life. The things coming at them are in their control. It’s things they can change and it all starts in the mind.

One shared that they are overwhelmed with the upgrades on their house, major repairs, painting, new furniture. To one that enjoys projects, this may not sound like a big deal but if you don’t like making major decisions and you are not a project person then you can feel overwhelmed. I told them to get a calendar and mark a reasonable date that it will be done. Even though you have no idea the time frame or window to get all accomplished, you can pretend that is the date and start your countdown to having the project finished.

The other friend’s situation is more complicated but I said the same to them. I said if you can worry about what doesn’t exist then you can flip your mind around to pretend that it is going to happen. Mark your calendar and say this is the date it will all be done.

We have control of our thoughts. We are the only ones to control them. We can be positive in our thoughts just as easy as we can go bad in our thoughts. It’s not “what if” it’s “it will”. I believe the word “will” is written more than “if” in the Bible. Google says 2881 times. If we divided that by months and days in a year then we need to say it 7 times a day. Seven is the number of God, spiritual awareness, intuition, and inner wisdom. Coincidental? You know the answer. 😉

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?"
Matthew 6:27