Who identifies? There’s a deeper meaning to this humorous cartoon. The patient knows he needs to stop, get up and leave but the procrastination is real. Knowing that we must do something but procrastinating can be for multiple reasons.
Fear is the biggest factor in procrastination. Fearing the outcome of an unknown situation will keep us procrastinating sometimes for years. Sometimes that fear that keeps us procrastinating is called Avoidance Trauma Response. Staying busy on social media, binge drinking, gambling, and shopping nonstop are all behaviors associated with ATR or as most commonly see it, procrastination.
Maybe this patient on the sofa doesn’t want to get up and leave due to facing a reality at home. People who choose to work long hours to avoid going home due to fear of the unknown or fear of punishment are forms of ATR. They are not taking action for fear of punishment which we see as procrastinating.
I’m not suggesting you overthink or overanalyze yourself or your partner every time you procrastinate but I am saying recognize if there’s a deeper meaning. Know why you just need more time, know why you are avoiding doing it. If it’s fear-related then as my shrink would suggest, “snuggle with your demons” and recognize them. You know the saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”, same goes with the emotions you’re trying to avoid. Fear is the enemy that keeps us avoiding and avoiding looks like procrastination.
Procrastination or avoiding our trauma through activities keeps us from healing and becoming a better version of ourselves. Trauma will hang around as long as you will let it. It will always need another minute. Know when it’s time to get up, move on and start healing.
There’s a quote by T.D. Jakes that I heard many years ago. I can’t quote it exactly so I’ll paraphrase it. “When you walk into a room and tell good news, watch who claps for you. If they don’t clap, they are not your people.”
A person’s words will tell you anything and everything you want to hear but a person’s actions tell you who they are and how they feel about you. Never misinterpret the language of love because love is an action because love is a verb.
The reason for my detailed illustration is that we must recognize our enemies and our haters. Scripture says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” The enemy and the thief are always camouflaged. They look like a “friend”, they appear interested but interest is assessing us for their benefit. You cannot try to destroy someone if you don’t know them.
There’s never been a bomb dropped that the enemy didn’t know exactly where they needed to drop it. It’s easy to misinterpret and mistake an enemy for a pretend friend when they are in the note-taking, and assessing process. But make no mistake, they are assessing us for their benefit not because they love us.
When we say our prayers, we need to ask for the gift of discernment and say thank you for our instinct. Remember to always listen to your gut because instinct is your knowledge to guide you. We cannot get our boat rocked if we know those who are not rowers.
The greatest gift you can give yourself and give others is acceptance. Accepting people as they choose to be and for what they are is the greatest gift ever.
Acceptance doesn’t mean we have to have a relationship with them. We do not have to incorporate them into our life. We just have to allow what it is and stop trying to change them to please us.
If they don’t believe as you believe in religion, politics, or love, it’s okay they do not have to believe or think like you or me. Let them do what’s best for them. It doesn’t matter what we think about them, it’s none of our business.
If we want to help them then let our light shine. The scripture says in Mathew 7:15-20
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.”
If we think they are evil, toxic, or have deranged thinking or beliefs it’s okay. Every person will reap the seed sown. It is not our job to judge, control or be vengeful against those who do not think or believe like us.
The energy you save and apply to your life is life-changing when you stop focusing on changing others. Give yourself the best gift while simultaneously giving to others and that is acceptance.
People with overanalyzing brains, like myself, tend to ask the infamous question “How?” a lot. “How” is a word that diminishes hope and dilutes faith. It is ultimately saying if I can’t see the details of the result, I don’t accept it.
In my early years of therapy, my shrink would often suggest solutions and ideas that were too big for me to comprehend much less believe. My question became a standing question “How?” Her response was always the same “The hows are not for us to know.” The hows are worked out when you first believe that it’s possible. Even if it’s never happened before, even if it sounds crazy. Those things are called blessings and miracles.
Jesus told Peter to go back out to sea and cast his nets, not a net but nets. He’d been out all day fishing with one net and hadn’t caught anything so how would it be possible to cast nets and catch fish when one net had not caught nothing. Initially Peter did not have faith and believe because he could not comprehend how.
But Peter trusted and believed in Jesus. Believing and trusting that it will happen is the key to it happening. I think about the trust and belief a gambler has in the system. They never ask “how” they just keep playing, trusting and believing that it’s going to happen. If we could just apply that same mentality to our daily lives.
I encourage you to find new confidence. Surround yourself with great supporters who speak words of life over you. Meditate on hopes and dreams. Embrace the visions that you see for yourself. Pray, trust, believe, and then repeat. And stop asking “how” because the “hows” are not up to you.
We’ve all heard the title come from our parents or a caretaker’s mouth. Children cry and complain over the simplest things and as adults, we know a lot of times it’s not that serious and within minutes the child has forgotten about it by being distracted by something wonderful.
Sometimes that inner child in us still exists when it comes to crying and complaining. It happened to me the other day I started complaining about something that is wearing me out but as soon as I spoke the words I stopped in my tracks and apologized for complaining when on the spectrum of issues, mine wasn’t that serious.
God reminded me that it wasn’t that serious because didn’t I just get news that one of my best friends just suddenly lost her dad to suicide. Our pain is our pain and we cannot compare emotional pain but if you want to stop the crying and complaining over the simplest things then just look around you on who’s really suffering.
Suffering is not getting to go on vacation, it’s not getting that restaurant reservation, it’s not even getting things on your timetable. The timetable comes from the divine and when it’s time, it will happen. We must trust the timing to protect us, the speed bump to slow us down, the yield sign to make us look before we go and remember the red light won’t stay red forever.
Train your brain to be thankful for all things. It’s the only way to avoid the teacher giving you something to cry about. If you think it’s bad, it can always be worse.
“Money Back Guaranteed” are strong words that get our attention. I worked for a hospitality icon years ago who put a sign on every restaurant table “Satisfaction Guaranteed or 110% Money Back Guaranteed”. This held every team member to a higher standard, from the dishwasher, making sure each wine glass was clean of lipstick to the hostess greeting all guests upon entrance. Our service and food were guaranteed or your money back plus 10%.
As consumers, we embrace those words because it gives us comfort in knowing that in the event we don’t like it or it changes from what we expect, then we are going to get a refund.
Unfortunately, many have the same expectations with people. Many expect people to change in what they want. If you meet someone with personality disorders, issues that you are not fond of, or habits that drive you crazy, you are not getting a refund on the relationship, friendship, or marriage. If you meet them with it, except that’s who they are, what they are, and if you cannot accept them then remove them. Expecting them to change or a money-back guaranteed is only you believing in your delusion. If you think you are going to get what you want or get better by them changing is a waste of our energy.
Accepting and loving people for who they are is the most wonderful gift you can give someone. We are all original like the snowflakes that fall in a blizzard. Just because each snowflake is different doesn’t make it less beautiful. Just because each one lands differently doesn’t give it less value. Accept your relationships for what they are and meet people where they are on their path. Friends, family, and relationships do not come with a money-back guaranteed policy.
I’ve been trying to find the words to express my thoughts and explain my feelings on my long-term breather. It’s difficult and it’s exhausting to even think putting my feelings into words. I happened to find them by one of my virtual favorites, Dr. Glenn Doyle.
“Sometimes we might have to push pause and take a break from people— even people who we like, and who like us.
It’s nothing personal— it has to do with our highly sensitive nervous system getting overstimulated. Overheated.
Sometimes we just need a breath. To get ourselves together.
Lots of people reading this are used to their nervous system being activated basically ALL the time.
Many people won’t understand the kind of toll even “normal” social interaction takes on you.
It doesn’t even matter if those social interactions aren’t particularly conflictual— just the fact that we need to be “on” for other people is what drains us.
The thing is, a lot of us ALSO have problems setting limits or taking time for ourselves.
We may desperately need some time and space— but have no practical idea how to make that happen.
You’re definitely not alone.
There is zero shame in needing to take some time to regroup. It doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks you “should” need that down time or not— you need what you need.
We’re not doing anyone around us any favors by redlining our nervous system all day, every day.
Push pause when you need to.
Regroup. Recenter.
Remember who you are and what you’re all about.
There’s a reason why they call it “recreation” — we’re literally re-creating our ability to function.”
I cannot recall the exact year but it was sometime in the early 2000s, I was married and I didn’t want another child. After getting pregnant on birth control pills with my first and only child I opted for an I. U. D., as recommended by my physician. It was my only option to not get pregnant while also regulating my menstrual cycles that I had issues with since I was 12 years old.
It worked great, I felt secure and healthy until one night I was alone and I woke up in excruciating pain. More pain than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m not a sickly person, never had a broken bone and only 2 surgeries. It was a 10 on a scale from 1-10. I rolled to the side of the bed, touched the floor with my extended arm, and held my weight with my hand while I rolled to the floor. I crawled to the bathroom. I managed to prop myself up on the toilet and as I looked down all I saw was red. Blood was pouring out of me. I was in so much pain that the blood only seemed normal at this point. I knew something bad was wrong.
I made an emergency appointment with my OB/GYN to learn that I had a tubal, ectopic pregnancy. God saved my life that night because, by all statistics and factors, I could’ve died as determined by my doctor. I proceeded with treatment including a DNC that was performed in the doctor’s office.
I continued with my I. U. D. for many more years and never had another pregnancy. I’ve thought about that time in my life often but every day since Roe vs Wade has been overturned. I’ve thought and cried over what young girls and women will do if a DNC can’t be performed because by today’s standards it’s considered abortion. Will they die unnecessarily and unjustly because a law says it’s killing a baby? My baby was already dead. That’s what red was pouring out of me.
I haven’t researched it but I’m sure there are millions of women with an active I. U. D. . Mine lasted up to 10 years. Is there now gonna be a rush for women to take them out despite the other positive factors they contribute? And who pays for that? In 2020 over 10 million women didn’t have insurance.
If the Roe vs Wade law had been overturned that night, I may not be writing this now. I may be dead and leaving my only child who was then in elementary school. He would’ve grown up without a mother who died unnecessarily because individuals allowed their religious convictions to make a law. I believe it’s immoral to allow women to die while they are trying to be responsible and I believe it should be illegal to allow any man or government to tell a woman what she can/can’t do with her body and her baby. That’s between her and God. What a woman or couple chooses to do is none of our business.
Anti-abortionists want to utilize the scripture “Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.” Proverbs 24:11 against abortion has nothing to do with abortion. It has to do with saving those who die unnecessarily like George Floyd, Ahmed Aubrey, and the men at the Capitol. Rescue means to save someone from a distressing or dangerous situation. Help those staggering towards death. The first clause in the Bill of Rights states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” We can have religious law or we can have man’s law, a constitution, but both cannot simultaneously exist.
If you’ve read my blog, followed, or subscribed to me then you know I don’t get political and won’t get political. I will though share my personal stories that I pray helps someone. Helps someone know you are not alone and helps someone see the gross liability of reversing this “law”.
I recently listened to a sermon by T.D. Jakes on Faith. He referenced Hebrews 11:1 in his sermon. It’s a scripture that I’ve heard all my life but as he broke it down in his special way, it spoke to my soul. Stirred so much within me that I have so far listened to it 5 times.
Hope is the substance of faith. Let me break that down. The substance is the material that makes the matter and in this reference, hope is what breeds faith.
As I shared with a friend recently, if you lose hope you cannot have faith. Hope is the substance and anytime we believe that it’s hopeless even for a split second, we are extinguishing our faith. We must protect our hope no matter what it looks like or what it costs us.
We must be careful what we expose ourselves to that will make us believe it’s hopeless. The news is the best source for making us believe the world is hopeless. I know in recent news that many women feel hopeless. I understand as it’s a story very close to my heart and personal. But feeling hopeless is just a feeling. Thinking it’s hopeless is just a thought. Feelings and thoughts both pass. Believing it’s hopeless is diminishing your faith. And in your faith, there is a fight. The fight to keep hoping, keep believing, and keep pressing on to better days.
Believing that something is hopeless is also a distraction because while we are wallowing in our sorrows or pity party, life is still going on and we sometimes miss opportunities because we are so focused on the hopelessness. As I have written before, a drowning man doesn’t know if anyone else is drowning and doesn’t care because all he can think about is himself drowning. Meanwhile, he’s missed opportunities to save himself because he cannot focus on anything but drowning.
Don’t buy into hopelessness. Guard yourself against the news, negative Nancy, Debbie downer, social media, phone calls, and texts. If any of these bring hopelessness, remove it. Our hope and our faith are more important than any of these things. Don’t get distracted and miss opportunities that may never come again.
I frequently hear people say “I would’ve” in reference to comparing themselves to an individual. The mindset of saying you would’ve not done it that way or said it that way or thought that way has zero to do with you. Just because you haven’t experienced it or just because you have experienced it and you did it differently doesn’t mean anything.
Allowing our ego, and our righteousness to judge others when we have never walked in their shoes says more about you than the person you are judging. Just because you think you can relate doesn’t mean you are relating.
Growing up with love and support looks a lot different than survival mode. If you have never been in survival mode then you don’t know what you would do, say or think. If you are not a person of color and you will never be a person of color then you have zero ideas how it feels to be treated differently in a white world. If you are a man then you’ll never know how it feels to be a woman. If you are a heterosexual then you do not know the hearts and minds of the homosexual.
Just because we think we know what it’s like doesn’t mean we know what it’s like. I’ve often imagined what I would do if I was homeless. I think I know what I might do but when it comes to walking out the door with the clothes on my back and that’s all, I know I don’t know what I would really do.
If we want to show real love and walk like Jesus walked when he was on earth then we have to let go of judging and condemning everyone for things we don’t know and probably will never know. Just because you think you know does not mean you know.
Dealing to Healing 