I know a couple, they are long-time friends of mine and they are ahead of me on their journey. They had their awakening many moons ago. One of them told me that when they got on their path they wanted everyone to follow. They tried to get everyone to awaken so others could see what they saw. My friends admitted to me that it doesn’t work that way. People awaken when they decide it’s okay to suffer, be in solitude, and be open to solutions.

Most people ask for the answer but are not open to the solution or the messenger bringing the solution. As I blogged on Sunday, Respect the Gift if you pray for an answer and the answer comes in a form you don’t receive it, then you are not honoring what has been sent to you. We have to remember that sometimes answers don’t look like we think they should look, they don’t come from people that look like us, talk like us or believe like us. We must be open to receiving from all.

Sometimes we don’t get our answers or a-ha moments because we want something magical to be done. We want the quick fix that doesn’t require us to work. We have to work if we want to change. If we want to save ourselves we have to take heed and build the ark. What if Noah just wanted God to put an ark before him. The magic only happens when we are open to working and working to change.

Solutions are found in silence and solitude. Be open to all that come. Remember connections are not coincidental. The magic will happen when we work to change and honor our answered prayers.

I’ve read and heard for years to be authentic, to be exactly who I am. Let go of fear, let go of questions, let go of the hows. let go of being judged or critiqued in my writings. I was told by a good friend who is also an author that I should write as my authentic self and the audience will come.

Last week I was in a writing class with thousands of people from all over the world. It was sponsored and given by an international publishing company. The one thing they kept reiterating was to write your story authentically. Write it from your experience, in your authentic words, and let it flow without holding back.

If I am honest and transparent, I have been holding back from saying it as I would to my tribe or someone in person. Anyone who knows me personally knows I do not hold back when I talk. My words come out fluently from my heart and soul. I’ve held back many times because I don’t want my spiritual awakening and experience to be a shutdown or be a turn-off to those who do not understand or get it. The root of that comes from my religious trauma. Growing up in a fear-based church with a strict doctrine turned me off from religion and doctrine but not from God. I never want to shove God down anyone’s throat. Shoving God down someone’s throat is like taking bad medicine. It doesn’t matter how much it helps you, heals you, and makes you better, you are not going to like it or want it.

I am wrong for not being my authentic self, allowing my words to come out fluently and tell my story authentically. I’ve decided that if you are not open to believing in a spiritual awakening, a higher power, God, or believing there is more out there to guide us, I have to let that go. If you don’t want to believe then that is on you. It does not dilute my story or my experience. Your thoughts about me are none of my business.

Moving forward I will not hold back on my belief in my God or my spiritual awakening. It does not serve my purpose to help, guide, heal and inspire others if I cannot be my authentic self and leave my one-of-a-kind fingerprint. As I have written, to be a leader or lead a trend, be a trailblazer, you must be unorthodox. I must love my need to be my crazy, misfit, black sheep, unorthodox, authentic self more than I do to be liked and accepted. Thank ya Jesus for giving me the gifts to lead, help and heal others. Let’s Go!

I can count on one hand the times I’ve been scared and feared for my life. I’ve been fortunate that I have not been a victim of crime however I have been victimized by peeping Toms, crack heads, and a few who have tried me.

One night I was alone in my 2 bedroom cottage house in Nashville when I heard a car door slam outside. Now living in close proximity to my neighbors I didn’t think too much of it. I also from time to time would get surprised by my husband. He’d run by sometimes from his night shift as an emergency responder. I had just gotten out of the shower and patiently waited to see if it was him and for him to open the door. The longer I sat on my sofa watching the door, my curiosity rose. After several minutes I got up from my sofa to peek out the window.

I had a door with window panes and there was a window to the right of it. As I raised one blind slat from my window to put my curiosity at rest, I saw a man’s blue Oxford shirt that was simultaneously peeping in my door. Before even having a second thought, I flung the door open. I did not have a gun, pepper spray, taser, or any weapon to protect me. I was just going bat shit crazy trying to see who was peeping on me. Who was victimizing me!

I never did see who it was or found out. Evidence of a man’s boot was left on the front porch from the mud he stepped in on that rainy night. Looking back I could’ve gotten myself killed by acting out of my fear. Since then I’ve learned to pull my 44 Magnum at ease.

If you think about that type of fear and fear you may have physically experienced then it is easier to see how we make mistakes and make bad decisions when we allow fear to guide us. Fear is what keeps us from doing what is best. I know folks that have a successful career, their social status is one that many admire but their fear prevents them from being the best version of themselves. Just because you look like a thing does not mean you are that thing. Remember don’t fall for affluence but it’s the influence that leads. What is fear killing in you today?

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10

In honor of my mother turning 87 today, I went down memory lane last night. I got out my mother’s box of pictures that she held near and dear to her heart and I found this one. I’m not for sure but I believe she and my daddy were still newlyweds in this picture. You can’t tell they were two broken and hurting people. They tried for 13 years to get through the pain but just couldn’t make it work out. I do believe he loved her or wouldn’t have waited until he was in his 40’s to marry her. Yes! He didn’t marry until he was in his 40’s. And she loved him even though she had an abandonment wound. It’s hard to tell when someone actually loves or even knows what love is when they have been abandoned.

I’m sorry for their pain and their heartaches but I’m thankful for the prayers that gave me hope and kept me holding on. I’m thankful for my survival skills and my lust for a better life. I’m thankful for my parents that loved me the best they could and kept me.

And that’s the thing, there is always something to be thankful for in life. It could’ve been much worse. It took my pain and their pain and suffering to awaken me to a better world. It took all the passed down generational trauma for me to break it. Remember no matter what happens in life, we must not lose hope. We can never give up or give in. Pain passes and hope always blooms even if it takes 5 decades.

I was telling a tribe member the other day that I’m moving away from labels. Labels mean you are you being placed in a category. When we say certain phrases or words people automatically think of the category. If I say “Republican” you automatically think conservative. If I say “Christian” you automatically think of God. If I say “church” you automatically think of religion. Words and labels have more meaning to us than just the definition.

The subject came up in conversation because I said I’m done saying I’m a “Christian” because of the stigma that has become attached to it. Ten years ago it meant something different than it does today. Today it is affiliated with a political party, it’s affiliated with hypocrisy and deception. The word has evolved in some minds to mean you are better than others. The definition of a Christian is someone whose behavior and heart reflect Jesus Christ. The definition may be the same as when Jesus walked the earth but the meaning in today’s world is different.

It’s the same as other words that have evolved. When I was growing up the word gay was taught in school as happy and was referred to as happy. In today’s world, if I say I’m gay, people automatically think I’m referring to my sexuality. Just because the definition stays the same does not equate that it has the same meaning to folks.

If you are doubting what I’m saying then start telling everyone you meet that you are a Christian. Watch faces, expressions, and watch the expectations. Yes! There are expectations when you say that word. If you tell a homeless person you are a Christian they expect you to give them money, feed them, clothe them. If you tell someone sick in the hospital, they expect an open prayer with them right then and there. If you tell friends and family, they expect you to always be there for them and help them. There is an expectation that comes with that word that most folks are not willing to do.

This is not a blanket statement. I know there are still a few folks out there claiming the label and doing the right thing. But in today’s world, the majority wins and the majority don’t do it.

Ironically there are those out there not claiming the label and they are helping and doing more than those claiming the label. Claiming a label definitely does not mean you are that! If you are not what you claim, you are a fraud. The definition of fraud is to deceive others. I don’t want or desire to have others’ perception of me to be a fraud. I don’t want to be attached to a label and talk about it, I want to be about it. As I have written, it’s better to be a thing instead of looking like a thing. If you want to be better, do better. Take away labels and just start doing the right thing. Let your heart be your guide, listen to that voice within you that tells you what you need to be doing. You can call it what you want but just start doing the right thing because that is what we were created to do.

They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.
Titus 1:16

If you haven’t read part 1, please read it first in order to better understand part 2.

As you know, my internet went out 5 times during my media detox. And you know I lost my cool on Sunday when I woke up with zero wifi. Today, Comcast sends a Senior Specialist out to find the issue and to repair it hopefully for good. The man was prompt, courteous, professional, and seemed to know what he was doing. Okay, so far, so good. He had on a mask that had a cross on it. I didn’t think much about it. Just noticed it. As he ran multiple tests for 2 hours, we talked about general topics which lead to our common ground, we were both raised in the same denomination. As we both openly discussed our views on religion and church, I began to tell my story on my awakening and about the birth of Dealing to Healing. I fought tears due to so much emotion as I was talking to him, he became almost childlike to me. He listened intently and shared more of his story with me. After I apologized for being so long-winded and saying, “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” This nice guy thanked me for sharing my story. It was as if he was sent to hear it from me.

I don’t know all of his story and I don’t know what impact my story had on him but I know he listened intently, engaged in the conversation and thanked me for sharing it. What do I believe? I believe that it took my internet going out 5 times for our paths to cross. I believe he needed to hear my story. As I told 2 of the tribe members the story, I said “if God himself would’ve said your internet is going out 5 times so you can get this man to come to you and hear your story, I may not have had such a meltdown on Sunday.” It’s weighed heavily on my mind all day. I believe there is always an orchestra playing in the background, behind the curtain. I believe there’s an orchestra conductor that is putting everything into works 24/7. It is up to us to show up, play the notes and know our part.

I’m happy I got to play my part today. I’ve had to apologize to God for losing my cool and letting it consume me. I know now there were 2 lessons to learn. One I learned that incompetency is a trigger for my trauma. Two that everything happens for a reason and we don’t always know the reason. Paths do cross and what else…Connections Are Not Coincidental!

Oh and my internet is fixed with a new and updated modem! Thank ya Jesus!

I want to talk to the misfits. the rebels, the black sheep, the ones who may like me have felt like a fish out of water a majority of your life. I wanna tell you that you have skills! You can lead through your special DNA. I’ve always thought some of the best trailblazers were just a little off, a little crazier than the rest of us. I mean look at Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, they are all a little different.

I recently heard a talk about leadership and some of the points I’m about to make I hope you resonate with them if you have ever felt like you did not belong or didn’t fit in. One of the first signs of being a great leader and perhaps a trailblazer is you must be unorthodox. You must be willing to be a rulebreaker, not follow the status quo or not mimic the people that surround you.

If your need to be “liked” is greater than to be your authentic, misfit, crazy self then you may not be a leader of people but you are still a leader because everyone is called to be a leader, some just can’t follow the steps to be one so they must sit and wait on a leader. Since we are all created equal we all have favor and influence. Remember everyone you meet knows something that you do not know. Don’t dismiss anyone, no matter what role they play or what their name tag says. You never know who you are talking to.

We all influence some kind or type. Remember we never know who is watching but someone always is watching. But here’s the problem with America, we are in love with affluence more than influence. The stage is what gives you affluence but not necessarily influence. We want to glorify the light but not the leadership. We chase the people on the red carpet, not the ones who put them on the red carpet. But it’s the influence that makes a great leader and you must protect it with your audience or you’ll lose your affluence as well.

Too many people out there trying to be something they are not. As I said yesterday, narcissists fake it to make people think they made it. Trying to look apart with the car, shoes, watch, hair, nails, and tailor-made designer suits can only fool some people because the look never fools God who gives you the gift to start. God looks at the heart and you cannot produce what you are not! You cannot fake knowledge!

If you try to manage people, they will always leave you. People cannot be managed but procedures can be managed and measured. To be a good leader, you lead people, manage procedures, and measure. Because people and procedures are always changing. The only thing that stays the same in this life is death. If you are one to say, “well we have always done it this way”, you are losing right now. If you think “if it isn’t broken why fix it”, you are losing right now. You cannot be in love with old procedures because you can never opt out of change. Change is going to happen whether you vote for it or not. Stay stuck if you choose the rest of the world is moving ahead.

And as you build your tribe, your team, you need to know only one thing, do they have the same vision as you. If they do not align with your values, your dreams, and goals, their vision looks different than your vision, then you have division. If there is division then the ways must part. If they leave you, let them! Do not beg or ask anyone to stay with you. If they decide to do without you then you can do without them!

I hope you read something in this that resonated with you and gave you hope that you need to embrace your authentic, crazy, misfit self. Take your vision, dreams, and goals to the level you were born to do. Stay in your lane because the folks behind and beside you are doing the same you’re doing just maybe a little differently.

As you may know, I’ve been on a media detox for 31 days today. I’ve been in a great place, I’m at peace and happy. Since I’m not watching television I heavily rely on my internet. Watching YouTube motivational videos and music. So here I am happy, peaceful, and in my great place but then it happened, Comcast has gone out over 5 times this month! And every single time I’ve been patient and called my community representative for Comcast. But yesterday, when I woke up to not being able to get on my wifi, I lost it. I got mad, lost my patience, and let it consume me.

I had to go work out to work through my anger and try to figure out why it was such a trigger for me. First, I’m not a patient person but I’d been patient. I usually don’t lose my cool over something I can’t control but I had lost my cool and was hot. I walked 3 miles before I figured out the trigger that caused it to consume me.

I thought about the words of my shrink. She once told me that when I came into the world I looked around and said, “nobody knows what the hell they are doing.” It’s was a questionable moment when she told me and with her animated character, I laughed. It took some time for me to realize that being born to a narcissist and a set of parents that abandoned me, I was born into incompetency. See the narcissist is an adult stuck in the mind of a child. They have victim mindsets and play games like a child. Just because they are an adult does not mean they think like one. The narcissist is very immature in the mind and not emotionally healthy. They don’t know what they are doing but they do a great job of faking it until everyone thinks they’ve made it. They are incompetent which by definition means, not having or showing the necessary skills to do something successfully.

My shrink was right, I was born into “nobody knows what the hell they’re doing”. My parents were both faking it trying to make it as emotionally mature parents. I knew just as children and dogs always know the truth that my parents were incompetent. It’s because of their incompetency that I became independent at a very early age. I was living on my own by age 17. I had bought my first house by 23. I was in so many ways ahead of my friends when it came to street smarts and the school of hard knocks because I had no other choice but to survive my situation.

The trauma I experienced was my incompetent parents. My entire life I’ve used that word. It’s a trigger for me and always has been as far back as I can remember. I cannot tolerate when someone has no idea what they are doing but are looking the part. It’s why I’ve said, it’s better to be a thing than look like a thing. I don’t know about you but I want the guy that looks like a doctor to actually know what the hell he is doing on the operating table.

There are far too many folks that are faking it. They’re trying to look like a thing instead of being a thing. They have the look but not the skill set and the truth rears its head when a problem arises. Nothing worse for them because they look dumb, stupid, and incompetent. But also nothing worse for us born to narcissist parents. It’s the trigger that brings up the trauma that lets me know I now need to snuggle with that demon and recognize it before reacting to it moving forward.