The Art of Unloving: Releasing What No Longer Serves You

Have you ever fallen out of love? I think we all know what it’s like to fall in love. We fall in love with people, activities, things like wine, art, vehicles, furniture, soft, fuzzy blankets, and robes, but then one day we wake up and think, “I am not in love with you anymore.” And just like that, you stop drinking your favorite wine, you take down the art, you trade your vehicle, you sell your furniture, and your favorite fuzzy blanket and robe that gave you comfort for so many years suddenly end up in the Goodwill pile. But what do we do with the human beings in our lives?

Do we just toss them? Like we do with our other items. Every fiber of our being screams that the love is gone, but we remain, fearing the hurt that comes with saying goodbye, both for us and for them. Or maybe we stay because we have this common ground we share.

I’ve been there and I’ve done that more than once. I have abandoned myself and what I needed to live a pretend life that I thought I could survive. I thought just one or two more years to survive this. I set these goals in my mind, thinking that if I can just count down the days, I won’t feel so miserable. I’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel, and all will be well with my soul. Well, that’s the thing, our soul is not well because it is not getting what it needs. Maybe it needs something it’s never had and not a substitute.

Often, when our soul isn’t getting what it truly needs, we find ourselves turning to substitutes. Instead of taking a breath and counting to 10, we pop a pill. Instead of taking a walk, we pour a glass of wine, instead of sitting in stillness and waiting to see what comes up, we hope retail therapy resolves it. How long do we go, and how many years do we substitute things and even people for what we really need? How long do we hold on knowing it’s not what’s best for us? I reflect back and know I have spent more than half of my life substituting, holding on, and counting down.

Life is short and it’s precious! Yes! That cliche. But it’s so true. Sometimes I think, what if tomorrow I woke up and found out I was terminally ill? What would I do? I won’t say for sure because we truly do not know what we will do in those situations, but I do believe I would no longer substitute, hold on, count down, or hold my breath and abandon myself for anybody or any reason.

I think if we ask ourselves the question of if today is your last day on earth, what would you do? Would you set yourself free by releasing others? Releasing in love and acceptance. Just allow that you are not in love with them, and that’s okay. People fall in love and fall out of love, and they grow together and grow apart. And just like the wine, the art, the car, the furniture, and the fuzzy blanket and robe, they just no longer serve you or their purpose.