Why We Settle

Recently I was sharing part of my story with an acquaintance. As I spoke of my childhood abandonment, my relationships with narcissists, and my awakening, the new acquaintance looked at me as if they had no idea what I was saying. They finally said, “I had a perfect childhood.”

I bought their statement. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it and I had no reason to doubt it. I congratulated them and the conversation ended. Later on, they shared they were married once for a long period to a narcissist. They chose the word “narcissist”.

I found it interesting that they claimed to have a perfect childhood but married a narcissist. If we choose to be in a toxic relationship then we are doing a few things.

  • We are ignoring red flags.
  • We are not listening to our gut talk, our intuition.
  • We have been previously exposed to toxic behaviors. We may not remember it or recognize it but it happened.

If we’ve never been subjected to toxic behaviors from family, friends, or partners then the first time we are subjected to toxic behavior, we run like hell. But here’s what happens, if our parents emotionally abused us growing up then we believe it’s normal and it’s tolerable for others to emotionally abuse us. Anyone who treats us the same or only slightly better than what we’ve been accustomed to, we believe it’s acceptable.

It’s like saying we’re okay with sirloin steak because that’s all we’ve ever eaten but then we eat filet mignon. We only know what we know through our experiences but if we accept that’s all there is then we settle and we never believe there is better. It’s why it’s imperative to listen to your intuition. When it doesn’t feel good or right, that means it’s not. I don’t care if every person you’ve ever known has not treated you well, it doesn’t make it right. And that’s why we settle because we think it’s alright.

Published by Dana

Creative writer about my life and life lessons. Survivor of abandonment, addiction, narcissist relationships, and trauma. Still dealing while I'm healing. Thank you Jesus!

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