Pain, Suffering & Death

Another shocking, heartbreaking, tragedy happened today when we learned of another nationally known talent that left us way too soon due to indescribable pain. Suffering that no amount of fame or fortune can subside the pain. No amount of love from family or friends can stop the suffering.

In 2011 my only nephew took his life. He was only 31 years old with a 5-year-old. He had a child that loved him, a mom, sister, and dad that loved him unconditionally. He had a great job and loved his occupation. But his pain was so great that he couldn’t even speak about it. He didn’t tell us that he was in so much pain that he wanted to end his life. His death changed our family dynamics forever.

I know that pain. The pain that you don’t want to wake up to face another day. In 2021, I suffered from so much pain and heartbreak from abandonment and grief from death that I asked God to let me die in my sleep. I knew how suicide affected those left behind and I didn’t want to leave that for my one and only adult child.

It was through suffering that I awakened. I awakened spiritually. I found out that my prayer to die in my sleep was not going to be answered because I had a purpose. I didn’t know what that purpose was but I started negotiating with God and demanding answers. There wasn’t a position, a dollar amount, or any amount of love from others that could save me but knowing that I had a purpose and it was to be shared to help others came to light through a stranger and confirmed through friends that knew nothing about my suffering.

My experience was so surreal that I couldn’t and still can’t put it into words. So I started reading books. I started researching to make sure I wasn’t crazier and I started wanting to know more. It’s taken me a long time but I finally get it. When suffering is so great due to pain and emptiness that nothing or nobody can stop it, there are only two things left and that’s to find God and surrender your soul.

When we surrender we stand spiritually naked. We stand with no judgment, forgiving ourselves, and we find love and compassion for ourselves, as we have given to others. We accept ourselves for exactly how we were created because we are created in God’s image so we come into the world perfectly. It’s only when our hearts, head, and body is closed and we have disconnected from our center of intelligence that our pain brings our suffering to death.

If you are suffering and in so much pain that you want to die. I pray you find a way to surrender your soul and find your spiritual healing. To open your heart and know you are here for a reason. You do have a purpose to be shared with others.

Published by Dana

Creative writer about my life and life lessons. Survivor of abandonment, addiction, narcissist relationships, and trauma. Still dealing while I'm healing. Thank you Jesus!

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