I’ve been sharing some of my childhood trauma with you this week. Abandonment trauma and emotional neglect are real. Just because we never receive it as a child and sometimes through our adult years, that doesn’t mean we don’t crave and desire it.
People who grow up with less still desire more. It’s why nobody wants to live in a poor neighborhood. Even though they’ve never lived in a middle-class or rich neighborhood, they still know there’s more and better. And we know even as a child there’s something we are missing in the emotional department.
As we grow from infants, and adolescents to adults we keep waiting for that “missing piece” to come to us and fulfill us but sadly sometimes this never happens because we do not attract it. We attract what we have grown accustomed to and that’s emotional neglect and people abandoning us.
It’s taken me a very long time but I’m happy to report I believe my magnet for attracting the toxic, emotionally neglecting, abandoning traitors has been broken. I’m not gonna pinky promise you because remember I’m journeying to the land of “Healed” just like you but I’m feeling super hopeful.
When I expect someone to say “You’re doing a great job”, recognize me for my efforts , or just say how much they love me. As soon as I feel that expectation, I don’t wait for it to be said to me, I tell myself those words. If we wait on someone to say, “I think you’re doing amazing and I love you.” we are going to be disappointed. Think about it, when is the last time someone told you those words or something similar?
Waiting on a hug? Hug yourself. Waiting on words of affirmation? Tell yourself. Waiting on quality time? Spend quality time with yourself. If we pour into ourselves as much as we have poured into others, I promise you it’s a game changer. We must love ourselves more than anyone so we can attract people who love us and give us what we desire.
Hang in there! We’re going to make it. I can see the land of “Healed” from here.