Earlier in the week, I shared some of my trauma-related events as a child. If you missed it then the highlight of the story was my emotional needs were not met by my parents due to there were more important things in their life such as work, church, and narcotics. Anything that your parents or spouse puts before your emotional needs, it causes an abandonment wound.
What I’ve learned through therapy and from my awakening is the trauma we experienced as a child is often what we want the most as an adult.
I have a friend that wanted a puppy at the very young age of five years old. She thought she was getting it until the puppy passed right before her eyes from her father’s arms to the arms of his boss. He gave away the puppy she wanted so badly right in front of her. It was traumatizing for my friend. She tells in detail how much it hurt her and even changed her. Now as an adult she has multiple dogs and cannot pass by a dog without stopping to pet and talk to them.
I’ve thought about that story multiple times and applied the same principle to my life. What is it that I love and want more than anything because it was missing from my life as a child? I have concluded quality time. It’s one of the 5 love languages. If you’re not familiar with the 5 love languages they are:
I love quality time with friends and family. If you’ve ever attended one of my parties then you know I say “just come”. I’m not as concerned with gifts or the other love languages as much as time. Watch what people do for you and that’s what they want from you. It’s important to them because maybe they didn’t get it as a child or it’s presently missing from their life.
We can improve our relationships by giving friends and family what they need. The love language they missed as a child. That child is still in us and we still have the need.
If you want to know more about The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman then click on the link.