I was born to a narcissist caretaker. The only time I was given what I needed in love and acceptance is when I was putting all my energy into them. It was what she liked, she wanted, she needed, her time, her place, everything was based on her feelings and the world revolved around her. Condition anyone to that for decades and I promise you, that’s the person you become. An empath that feels so deeply they should help others that they lose themselves. Have you ever completely lost yourself?
I’ve lost myself, my true self, and didn’t even know it. I’ve had a magnet on me to repeat what I learned to just be ok with it because I thought it was love. My thoughts and the inner child said “Oh you’ll love me more if I do this or that. You’ll be happier if I do this or that.”I’ve served others for so long that I am programmed to think this is what I must do or have to do for someone to be happy and love me.
News flash those days are gone! I now set boundaries with myself. I allow myself to get completely lost in my world, my space. I’m reinventing myself to not be concerned about what others need or what makes them happy. And let me say I’m damn proud of myself. Let me say it again I am proud of me!
I no longer allow others to pull at me, to control me with what they need or what they want. I spent 50 plus years with a phone up my butt just to be available to narcissists. You better not have an emergency with me or you’ll need to call 911. It’s the new me, take me or leave me. I will still be loving me no matter what you decide. And this is what boundaries with yourself looks like for anybody on the same path. As my shrink told me long ago, “you don’t owe anybody anything including your parents. They picked you, you did not pick them.” It’s time we empower ourselves!