As I continue to heal, I have lots of questions, and the one burning question I had for my shrink last week, “It’s not a narcissist fault that they are a narcissist, any more than it is my fault for my wounds. So why do we have to block, cut them off, fence ourselves in from them?” She said, “It’s not our fault that we have wounds, but your healing is your responsibility.”
I used this analogy in my mind. If we are all in the hospital, some of us are in the ICU, CCU, ER, some of us are in therapy, some are trying to get discharged. If we are not on the same level of trauma then it’s ok. It’s ok if I get out before you do or you get out before I do. We just have to be fine with where we are in our stuff. We have to protect ourselves and hold our boundaries from those not as well as us. We can’t take the risk of getting sicker or not getting better.
As I’ve told the ones closest to me, if you fall, you’re going to most likely fall down than up. Most people fall down the hill, down the steps, or drown trying to pull someone up. Makes sense why we have to fence ourselves in from some and keep others on a leash. Not everyone deserves us and we can’t save people. We can’t just give our time and energy to anyone no matter the relationship or time known. Remember toxic is toxic, even blood family, and until someone wants to get better, change and heal we cannot make them. I know I’ve said this before but I’m saying it again because that’s how we learn is repeating what we know and the truth. Healing is our responsibility!