I recently had a friend share with me an experience that left them disappointed, sad, and disheartened. As I listened to the pain in their voice, I replied “I’m sorry for your pain, I understand it because I’ve experienced similar. Please understand that first, this has nothing to do with you, so it’s not personal, and next this is a moment of gratitude because now you see a side of it that you didn’t see a month ago.” The teacher showed up to show my friend another side that they had not seen earlier. And based on the earlier experience they were considering a major decision.
It’s in those moments we have to reel ourselves back in to know that it’s not about us but about the lesson we need to get so we don’t make a mistake or a bigger mistake. And if we don’t learn the lesson and understand the teaching, we will most likely make the mistake again. This is called a pattern. It’s a level of gratitude that we overlook because all we feel is pain from the experience.
It’s why I continue to say step back, ground yourself and look outside of it as if you were not involved. Try to see what is going on with those involved. We don’t know what’s going on with folks so we have to be mindful that they may be having a season of grief. Grief from a death, job loss, financial issues, or loss of a relationship with family or friends. And they may be in a stage of anger, denial, or depression.
With the holiday season upon us, we must understand there are a lot of triggers happening during this time. Loss of a loved one that’s not at the table, financial stress, holiday travels, and preparing for any toxic personalities we may have to endure. 101 things are happening that we know nothing about with our friends and family.
If we find ourselves in a painful experience, let’s try to remember it’s not personal, we don’t know what is happening to others. Be thankful for any insight or light shed on the experience and try to understand the lesson so we don’t repeat it. Look for gratitude in your pain.