Sometime last year I wanted to do something, something a little risky for my recovery. I knew it but I needed a confirmation from my shrink. When I asked her for her advice she said, “You know the risk of choosing this.” Those words stay with me every day. What am I risking if I choose this?
I’m learning while in recovery the value of taking care of myself and not pushing myself to do unnecessary things that cause triggers or possible relapses. I know it’s priceless how far I’ve come.
I choose wisely based on what feels good, what I like, not what my parents liked or preferred. I measure my energy before doing a task.
Rather in recovery or not, we are allowed to say “no” and hold our boundaries. We don’t have to execute what was important to our caretakers. Do you know how much stuff we do based on what was important to our parents? I hear it frequently, “this is how my mother did it, my grandmother, and it’s how I do it.” We don’t have to carry on anything that does not serve us as a priority.
I believe one of the quickest ways to relapse or become triggered is by continually fueling those that need us and don’t feed us. If they don’t fuel you, if they don’t bring energy then they are not supporting your recovery. If you are fueling someone and they can’t in turn fuel you, it’s time to change the relationship. Anyone who’s been in group therapy knows it’s about supporting each other. We can love them, and accept them for where they are but we cannot invest in them or drag them on our path.
The value of recovery must be weighed all day. We must choose wisely what we expose ourselves to and what we chose to invest in because if it feels exhausting or triggers us, we need to evaluate it carefully. The cost of triggers and going backward is expensive. We’ve worked hard to get to this point and we won’t risk losing our investment by exposing ourselves to the unnecessary. Choose wisely and love yourself first!