Yesterday I blogged about not giving your power away by having boundaries. You empower yourself by holding your boundaries or you give your power to others by not having boundaries.
Here’s what else happens when you don’t have boundaries, resentment. Yes! Resentment comes when you don’t have boundaries. We allow someone to do something that we don’t want them to do. Push us to join in an activity, borrow an outfit, whatever they want or need and we don’t say “no” and hold our boundaries. The next thing that happens is we get resentful because now we are blaming them for making us go to the activity, for begging us to borrow the outfit. Know what happens next? The resentment acts out. Now we are trying to get even, get them back, play the tit for tat game. I’ve done it and most definitely had it done to me.
But let’s circle back around to this. Sometimes the reason we can’t have boundaries and enforce them is that we don’t want to be abandoned. We don’t want the person to leave us. We want them to stay and love us even though it’s not the love we always need but maybe the love we think we want. See how that works? It can be a domino effect. And if we think the person is going to leave us first, we can often decide to sabotage the relationship. Abandonment wounds can be ready to fight or flight. It’s a tangled web we weave when we allow someone to cross our boundaries and we don’t enforce them.