Sorry Does Not Mean Changed

Recently I had 2 conversations about this exact quote.

The word “sorry” means absolutely nothing to me. For me, it is a word used to manipulate the victim. It allows someone to put the victim back in a position so they can do the same thing to them again. It’s a narcissist’s favorite word. Saying “sorry” and repeating the action is “not sorry”, it’s a form of manipulation. As I told my tribe, the first time might be a mistake but the second time is a choice. I’d rather for you not to apologize and be clear that you are not remorseful than to apologize and do the same action all over again.

Some only apologize to make themselves feel better and less guilty or less shameful. Because they can always say, “Well I said I was sorry.” and that should clear the shame and make the victim erase the slate. The real sign of remorse is not doing the same action again. If the actions do not change then the word means nothing.

The reward for the action not being repeated is the victim’s trust. The negative reinforcement for the action being repeated is the victim’s lack of availability including lack of time, energy, and attention to them. We can not reward their inconsistency with our consistency. One must prove they are remorseful by not repeating the action and showing they have changed. Let’s not get manipulated with a word that shows no tangible fruit.

Published by Dana

Creative writer about my life and life lessons. Survivor of abandonment, addiction, narcissist relationships, and trauma. Still dealing while I'm healing. Thank you Jesus!

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