The truest words that were ever spoken.
My narcissist mother passed in 2019 and she never changed. She got better but that was due to her aging and her health declining. Sadly, some people cannot love us how we need to be loved and some people are just not capable. It’s the pint-size vs the 10-gallon size story if you recall that I blogged about a few months ago. Some give you all they have but their pint-size capacity will never fill up a 10-gallon size person.
My narcissists’ relationships never changed either. And I believe my mother and one of my narcissists’ relationships knew they needed to get better. My mother would say “I hope I’m healed before I die.” I never asked what that meant but I knew she wanted to be better. My narcissist relationship would frequently ask “Do you think I’m f up?” That was a loaded question. If I said “Yes” then it would be damage to their ego and a spin-out from that.
I also had an immediate family die from suicide. He didn’t change either. He was an addict and he just couldn’t let go of the demons that fought him to get the help he needed. Heartbreaking for everyone in the family.
In order for a person to change anything the very first step is admitting. You have to get real and say I’ve got to do….. And that sometimes takes an awakening. For me, it takes the bottom of my rope with one fiber left to hold on to. But when I’m done, I am done! I make a change and I inhale and embrace it and savor it and think this feels so good I’m never going back. And that’s the thing when someone is ready, you cannot stop them. You cannot make people. Period!
We find those that align with us. Our core values, our needs including the love we need. We find people that accept us, for our authenticity and accept us for us. For the rest of the folks, you treat them like a cat. Not a house cat but a tiger. I’ll tell you as a psychologist told me once. “You must remember that narcissists have to be treated differently. They look like a house cat but remember they are a tiger. And you cannot let tigers in your safe space. You must keep them at a distance and on a leash at all times or else, what will they do? They will eat you alive. “
Hope this helps someone today. I pray you don’t waste time and energy trying to change someone or hoping they will change. I cannot say it enough, love yourself and quit wishing, hoping, and praying that someone you love and care about changes. ❤️