From time to time someone will ask if I’m still mad at those who didn’t take care of me while I was growing up. If I’m still angry at my collection of pasts narcissists. The answer is “some days”. I’m working on not looking back at anything past yesterday. Putting energy, time, and thoughts into what they did or why they did it, is not moving forward in my healing. I believe that everyone has their stuff and our stuff is based on childhood wounds, how our caretakers took care of us or the lack of not taking care of us. We cannot change anything that happened in the past. Whatever happened to our parents and grandparents and all the generations prior we can’t do anything about any of that either.
If we dwell on what happened in the past and we keep stirring the pot of “ifs”, “when”, “whats” and “whys”, then we are not focusing on taking care of ourselves now. Moving forward on our healing journey by setting boundaries, recognizing red flags, and doing our therapy homework.
I wrote a story some time ago before I started blogging and it was about a family member not letting their past go. They had an hour conversation with me about what their parents did or didn’t do. The family member described vividly the pain and trauma growing up. I told the member, you are going to have to let that go. You can’t change it and the more you think about it, the more it grows into more. I used the term “cancer” because it is cancer that starts small in our cognitive brain and if we keep meditating on it, it grows and it soon consumes our mind daily.
I’m working on forgiving and healing because I will never forget. I pray that you’ll join me on the journey of moving forward, healing, setting boundaries, recognizing red flags, loving myself more , and taking baby steps in recovery.