I have at least one person ask me weekly, “how are you so transparent?“ They say it in awe. Like they can’t comprehend it. I explain it like this. There are a few things, I’ve suppressed my stuff for decades. I’ve been transparent about my “fake life” but not my real life. Ya know that stuff that you carry to your pillow, that only God knows, that pains you so deeply that you can’t talk about it. That stuff, we all got. The stuff we keep suppressing and making us sick. Sick with anxiety, depression, fear, anger, resentment, etc… Much like when we are sick with food poisoning, we try not to vomit, we talk ourselves out of throwing up, we lie down, we swallow hard, we breathe, and try like everything not to puke our guts up. The entire time we are doing all this, we know that we will feel better when we release the bad stuff we have digested. That’s how our trauma, our mental health works, suppressing it does not make us better. We can say we are ok, we can fake it, we can push it out of our head and avoid it but it doesn’t make us better. It doesn’t matter if you write it, say it, or confess it, you will feel better letting it out.
Next, desperate people do desperate things. I’ve said that for years. It’s true when you get to the end of your rope with your life, there’s only one choice, make a change. A change for the better. Leaving this crazy world is not an option. You may think you’re not loved, nobody cares but that’s not true. That’s the pain, the trauma, the grief telling you that. I know because depression speaks volumes. Depression will take you out if you let it. I refused to let it.
I decided to do the only thing left and that was to ask God to remove my pain and reveal my purpose. Once you know your purpose, your calling and you know your path, you look at everything differently. I was so distraught with my past that I decided that it was not what I was running to but what I was running from. I was sick, tired, and desperate. To you that are sick of your life. The life that others have molded you to be and not your authentic self. If this resonates with you then you understand everything I just said. Letting the past go, changing to your authentic self, and knowing your purpose is the best thing that will ever happen in your life. And that’s how you become so transparent.