I wanna talk to y’all about “silence”. Many times I am silent and my silence usually means I am drowning., overwhelmed, depressed, hurting, in pain and it means mostly I cannot speak. Sometimes when we cannot speak it means the pain is too great to say it. Maybe we can’t say it because it makes it too real. I think this is important to note when we don’t hear a return call or text or someone has disappeared from our life.
Before the passing of one of my best friends in 2018 that had cancer, she knew my silence meant I was drowning. And this simple text meant everything to me “Just checking on you sissy.” She didn’t ask if I was ok because she knew I wasn’t ok. Why ask a question that you already know the answer to. She knew me well enough to know what my silence meant. And during the time she was sick and went silent, I tried to remain strong and every week I’d text her “Just checking on you sissy.” because I knew asking how she was doing was probably the dumbest thing I could ask someone with cancer. The obvious answer is not good. And many times I just got a heart or a thumbs up to let me know she appreciated my message.
We can’t take others’ silence personally. We gotta believe that it has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the person in silent mode. Maybe they are down the rabbit hole, maybe they are overwhelmed, maybe they have ADHD and have trouble juggling. All we can do is make zero assumptions and just send a simple text like the one above. Asking how someone is doing or if they are ok is an open-ended question that forces them to reply when they may not be able to reply. The reply is simply for you, not for them. Trying to make someone reply when they are already drowning is not helping them. If you wanna help, take you out of the equation and just send love and support. The sound of silence is about us listening to those who cannot speak.