The most common conversation I have with friends is “boundaries” or lack of should I say. I’ve had conversations in recent weeks and I hear the same thing, it’s a family member not respecting my friend’s boundaries. That’s the question, why do we have such difficulty holding our boundaries with family? These people in our house are breaking rules and disrespecting us. We wouldn’t allow a stranger to just come in and have their way in our house so why do we allow it? Maybe we are afraid that they won’t love us or they’ll leave us. Maybe it’s because we just don’t want confrontation with them. Could be we are overcompensating to make up for an area we have guilt or shame. Maybe it’s empathy. It doesn’t matter why we allow it, not holding our boundaries is allowing complete manipulation. Anything and everything we say that we don’t back up with action are just words that go in one ear and out another.
I’ve seen folks say “I’m DONE!” and the next 2-3 days they are back allowing the same old crap! I’m not preaching, I’m guilty of it too. It’s difficult but unless we draw a line in the sand, mean it and hold it, they will never respect or believe us.
Boundaries prevent us from being needy, empathetic, controlling, they protect us from emotional abuse. They also prevent triggers. It’s up to us to teach everyone including family how we want to be treated. But what if they get mad or upset with me? All the more reason you need the boundary. If anyone gets upset, that can be part of the manipulation. We are also not responsible for others’ emotions. We are only responsible for ourselves. Our boundaries, our wounds, and our healing.
The holidays are around the corner. Maybe if we start practicing now we’ll be successful by the time they’re here. Let’s do this! Hold our boundaries with our family!